我是如此的累，可身边的人都像傻子一样。和他们相处、说话会更累。只想躲在图书馆，不想和他们相处说话。我早上又生气发脾气了 真没意义 浪费我的精力，还影响他。任何事情都不能生气，那是愚蠢的行为。
每天都那么累，回家还有那么多事不顺心，经常失眠，有那么多的往事想不通。到现在，在一起快9年了，爱不爱我都弄不清，当然我爱不爱他也没弄清，很多事情都想不通，所以没法原谅，只是因为不爱了，才慢慢体会到为什么他做不到，我要都要不来，因为从没爱过，既然这样，现在真是不该在一起。说的和做的那么矛盾，但事实就是证明不爱，那现在就该分开，做陌生人。
20岁时，就注定了痛苦绝望，早该结束了，拖着只会伤得越重。失去的都是我在乎的，得到的都是我不在乎的。新的希望在哪里，可遇不可求，现在不要再浪费精力了，为了更长远的希望努力储蓄能量吧，也许他就在不经意间。
11.8.09
10.8.09
9.8.09
7.8.09
Chicken wing and Pasta
Love cooking such delecious food with my zero,hope can last for my whole life.
But my leader still doesn't want me to go to the office but work from home.
But my leader still doesn't want me to go to the office but work from home.
6.8.09
5.8.09
4.8.09
3.8.09
Today I Begin a New Life
And I make a solemn oath to myself that nothing will retard my new life's growth. I will lose not a day from these readings for that day cannot be retrieved nor can I substitute another for it. I must not , I will not, break this habit of daily reading from these scrolls and, in truth, the few moments spent each day on this new habit are but a small price to pay for the happiness and success that will be mine.
As I read and re-read the words in the scrolls to follow, never will I allow the brevity of each scroll nor the simplicity of its words to cause me to treat the scroll's message lightly. Thousands of grapes are pressed to fill one jar with wine, and the grapeskin and pulp are tossed to the birds. So it is with these grapes of wisdom from the ages. Much has been filtered and tossed to the wind.Only the pure truth lies distilled in the words to come. I will drink as instructed and spill not a drop. And the seed of success I will swallow.
Today my old skin has become as dust. I will walk tall among men and they will know me not , for today I am a new man, with a new life.
As I read and re-read the words in the scrolls to follow, never will I allow the brevity of each scroll nor the simplicity of its words to cause me to treat the scroll's message lightly. Thousands of grapes are pressed to fill one jar with wine, and the grapeskin and pulp are tossed to the birds. So it is with these grapes of wisdom from the ages. Much has been filtered and tossed to the wind.Only the pure truth lies distilled in the words to come. I will drink as instructed and spill not a drop. And the seed of success I will swallow.
Today my old skin has become as dust. I will walk tall among men and they will know me not , for today I am a new man, with a new life.
1.8.09
图书馆
今天是搬进新家的第一天，早上又让宝生气了，不知道为什么有时会陷入一种状态，会注意不到周围的东西和事情，How to deal with it?
中午吃完饭去图书馆，路上比较顺利，图书馆过的也不错，WC也很容易，就是6点左右时感觉脚比较冷，也许是离空调出风口比较近的缘故吧。
今天很早就被吵醒了，想想他昨天上网看帖子而不和我一起收拾，心情极差，想了很多很多不好的，早上他做事不合我意，我很生气就还拿他出气，然后大哭了一场，楼下吃饭，来图书馆，心情平静，凉爽舒适，不明白自己早上的想法做法。但他的缺点我很确定，我很讨厌，感觉改变不了他，也不知怎么和他相处，好累。先不要急着做任何决定，说任何的话，先弄清楚自己。
中午吃完饭去图书馆，路上比较顺利，图书馆过的也不错，WC也很容易，就是6点左右时感觉脚比较冷，也许是离空调出风口比较近的缘故吧。
今天很早就被吵醒了，想想他昨天上网看帖子而不和我一起收拾，心情极差，想了很多很多不好的，早上他做事不合我意，我很生气就还拿他出气，然后大哭了一场，楼下吃饭，来图书馆，心情平静，凉爽舒适，不明白自己早上的想法做法。但他的缺点我很确定，我很讨厌，感觉改变不了他，也不知怎么和他相处，好累。先不要急着做任何决定，说任何的话，先弄清楚自己。
31.7.09
27.7.09
26.7.09
25.7.09
22.7.09
21.7.09
Dear Zero
I feel very sad looking at you busy doing many things and looked so tired,but i can only do few things to help you。
It was my fault but let you afford all the stress,from body to mind.
I used to hide my real feeling and the stress on me,make myself looked happy,so that can let you happy.But it's not correct sometimes let you misunderstanding my status.
From now on i will completely show my real feeling to you,the more we communicate the easier things will be.Also i will try to do more things that i can do to let you have more time to rest.
Love you^_^
It was my fault but let you afford all the stress,from body to mind.
I used to hide my real feeling and the stress on me,make myself looked happy,so that can let you happy.But it's not correct sometimes let you misunderstanding my status.
From now on i will completely show my real feeling to you,the more we communicate the easier things will be.Also i will try to do more things that i can do to let you have more time to rest.
Love you^_^
29.5.09
Love Your Life
However mean your life is,meet it and live it ;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.
28.5.09
Hang In There
Dufficulties arise in the lives of us all
What is most important is dealing with the hard times, coping with the changes, and getting through to the other side where the sun is still shining just for you.
It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices. But you are a strong person.
It takes courage.But you possess the inner courage to see you through.
It takes being an active participant in your life. But you are in the driver's seat, and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go in.
Hang in there... and take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is constant, beautiful,and true:
Everything will be fine---and it will turn out that way because of the special kind of person you are.
So...beginning today and lasting a lifetime through---Hang in there, and don't be afraid to feel like the morning sun is shining...just for you.
What is most important is dealing with the hard times, coping with the changes, and getting through to the other side where the sun is still shining just for you.
It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices. But you are a strong person.
It takes courage.But you possess the inner courage to see you through.
It takes being an active participant in your life. But you are in the driver's seat, and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go in.
Hang in there... and take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is constant, beautiful,and true:
Everything will be fine---and it will turn out that way because of the special kind of person you are.
So...beginning today and lasting a lifetime through---Hang in there, and don't be afraid to feel like the morning sun is shining...just for you.
Work and Pleasure
To be really happy and really safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must all be real. It is no use starting late in life to say: “I will take an interest in this or that.” Such an attempt only aggravates the strain of mental effort. A man may acquire great knowledge of topics unconnected with his daily work, and yet hardly get any benefit or relief. It is no use doing what you like; you have got to like what you do. Broadly speaking, human being may be divided into three classes: those who are toiled to death, those who are worried to death, and those who are bored to death. It is no use offering the manual laborer, tired out with a hard week’s sweat and effort, the chance of playing a game of football or baseball on Saturday afternoon. It is no use inviting the politician or the professional or business man, who has been working or worrying about serious things for six days, to work or worry about trifling things at the weekend.It may also be said that rational, industrious, useful human beings are divided into two classes: first, those whose work is work and whose pleasure is pleasure; and secondly, those whose work and pleasure are one. Of these the former are the majority. They have their compensations. The long hours in the office or the factory bring with them as their reward, not only the means of sustenance, but a keen appetite for pleasure even in its simplest and most modest forms. But Fortune’s favored children belong to the second class. Their life is a natural harmony. For them the working hours are never long enough. Each day is a holiday, and ordinary holidays when they come are grudged as enforced interruptions in an absorbing vacation. Yet to both classes the need of an alternative outlook, of a change of atmosphere, of a diversion of effort, is essential. Indeed, it may well be that those whose work is their pleasure are those who most need the means of banishing it at intervals from their minds.
To be or not to be
Outside the Bible, these six words are the most famous in all the literature of the world. They were spoken by Hamlet when he was thinking aloud, and they are the most famous words in Shakespeare because Hamlet was speaking not only for himself but also for every thinking man and woman. To be or not to be, to live or not to live, to live richly and abundantly and eagerly, or to live dully and meanly and scarcely. A philosopher once wanted to know whether he was alive or not, which is a good question for everyone to put to himself occasionally. He answered it by saying: "I think, therefore am."
But the best definition of existence ever saw did another philosopher who said: "To be is to be in relations." If this true, then the more relations a living thing has, the more it is alive. To live abundantly means simply to increase the range and intensity of our relations. Unfortunately we are so constituted that we get to love our routine. But apart from our regular occupation how much are we alive? If you are interest-ed only in your regular occupation, you are alive only to that extent. So far as other things are concerned--poetry and prose, music, pictures, sports, unselfish friendships, politics, international affairs--you are dead. Contrariwise, it is true that every time you acquire a new interest--even more, a new accomplishment--you increase your power of life. No one who is deeply interested in a large variety of subjects can remain unhappy; the real pessimist is the person who has lost interest. Bacon said that a man dies as often as he loses a friend. But we gain new life by contacts, new friends. What is supremely true of living objects is only less true of ideas, which are also alive. Where your thoughts are, there will your live be also. If your thoughts are confined only to your business, only to your physical welfare, only to the narrow circle of the town in which you live, then you live in a narrow circumscribed life. But if you are interested in what is going on in China, then you are living in China~ if you’re interested in the characters of a good novel, then you are living with those highly interesting people, if you listen intently to fine music, you are away from your immediate surroundings and living in a world of passion and imagination.
To be or not to be--to live intensely and richly, merely to exist, that depends on ourselves. Let widen and intensify our relations. While we live, let live!
But the best definition of existence ever saw did another philosopher who said: "To be is to be in relations." If this true, then the more relations a living thing has, the more it is alive. To live abundantly means simply to increase the range and intensity of our relations. Unfortunately we are so constituted that we get to love our routine. But apart from our regular occupation how much are we alive? If you are interest-ed only in your regular occupation, you are alive only to that extent. So far as other things are concerned--poetry and prose, music, pictures, sports, unselfish friendships, politics, international affairs--you are dead. Contrariwise, it is true that every time you acquire a new interest--even more, a new accomplishment--you increase your power of life. No one who is deeply interested in a large variety of subjects can remain unhappy; the real pessimist is the person who has lost interest. Bacon said that a man dies as often as he loses a friend. But we gain new life by contacts, new friends. What is supremely true of living objects is only less true of ideas, which are also alive. Where your thoughts are, there will your live be also. If your thoughts are confined only to your business, only to your physical welfare, only to the narrow circle of the town in which you live, then you live in a narrow circumscribed life. But if you are interested in what is going on in China, then you are living in China~ if you’re interested in the characters of a good novel, then you are living with those highly interesting people, if you listen intently to fine music, you are away from your immediate surroundings and living in a world of passion and imagination.
To be or not to be--to live intensely and richly, merely to exist, that depends on ourselves. Let widen and intensify our relations. While we live, let live!
Virtue
Sweet day,so cool,so calm,so bright!
The bridal of the earth and sky-
The dew shall weep thy fall to-night;
For thou must die.
Sweet rose,whose hue angry and brave,
Bids the rash gazer wipe his eye,
Thy root is ever in its grave,
And thou must die.
Sweet spring,full of sweet days and roses,
A box where sweets compacted lie,
My music shows ye have your closes,
And all must die,
Only a sweet and virtuous soul,
Like season'd timber,never gives;
But though the whole world turn to coal,
Then chiefly lives.
The bridal of the earth and sky-
The dew shall weep thy fall to-night;
For thou must die.
Sweet rose,whose hue angry and brave,
Bids the rash gazer wipe his eye,
Thy root is ever in its grave,
And thou must die.
Sweet spring,full of sweet days and roses,
A box where sweets compacted lie,
My music shows ye have your closes,
And all must die,
Only a sweet and virtuous soul,
Like season'd timber,never gives;
But though the whole world turn to coal,
Then chiefly lives.
The Goodness of Life
Though there is much to be concerned about, there is far, far more for which to be thankful. Though life’s goodness can at times be overshadowed, it is never outweighed.
For every single act that is senselessly destructive, there are thousands more small, quiet acts of love, kindness and compassion. For every person who seeks to hurt, there are many, many more who devote their lives to helping and to healing.
There is goodness to life that cannot be denied. In the most magnificent vistas and in the smallest details, look closely, for that goodness always comes shining through.
There is no limit to the goodness of life. It grows more abundant with each new encounter. The more you experience and appreciate the goodness of life, the more there is to be lived. Even when the cold winds blow and the world seems to be covered in foggy shadows, the goodness of life lives on. Open your eyes, open your heart, and you will see that goodness is everywhere. Though the goodness of life seems at times to suffer setbacks, it always endures. For in the darkest moment it becomes vividly clear that life is a priceless treasure. And so the goodness of life is made even stronger by the very things that would oppose it.
Time and time again when you feared it was gone forever you found that the goodness of life was really only a moment away. Around the next corner, inside every moment, the goodness of life is there to surprise and delight you.
Take a moment to let the goodness of life touch your spirit and calm your thoughts. Then, share your good fortune with another. For the goodness of life grows more and more magnificent each time it is given away.
Though the problems constantly scream for attention and the conflicts appear to rage ever stronger, the goodness of life grows stronger still, quietly, peacefully, with more purpose and meaning than ever before.
For every single act that is senselessly destructive, there are thousands more small, quiet acts of love, kindness and compassion. For every person who seeks to hurt, there are many, many more who devote their lives to helping and to healing.
There is goodness to life that cannot be denied. In the most magnificent vistas and in the smallest details, look closely, for that goodness always comes shining through.
There is no limit to the goodness of life. It grows more abundant with each new encounter. The more you experience and appreciate the goodness of life, the more there is to be lived. Even when the cold winds blow and the world seems to be covered in foggy shadows, the goodness of life lives on. Open your eyes, open your heart, and you will see that goodness is everywhere. Though the goodness of life seems at times to suffer setbacks, it always endures. For in the darkest moment it becomes vividly clear that life is a priceless treasure. And so the goodness of life is made even stronger by the very things that would oppose it.
Time and time again when you feared it was gone forever you found that the goodness of life was really only a moment away. Around the next corner, inside every moment, the goodness of life is there to surprise and delight you.
Take a moment to let the goodness of life touch your spirit and calm your thoughts. Then, share your good fortune with another. For the goodness of life grows more and more magnificent each time it is given away.
Though the problems constantly scream for attention and the conflicts appear to rage ever stronger, the goodness of life grows stronger still, quietly, peacefully, with more purpose and meaning than ever before.
The Happy door
Happiness is like a pebble dropped into a pool to set in motion an ever-widening circle of ripples. As Stevenson has said, being happy is a duty.
There is no exact definition of the word happiness. Happy people are happy for all sorts of reasons. The key is not wealth or physical well-being, since we find beggars, invalids and so-called failures, who are extremely happy.
Being happy is a sort of unexpected dividend. But staying happy is an accomplishment, a triumph of soul and character. It is not selfish to strive for it. It is, indeed, a duty to ourselves and others. Being unhappy is like an infectious disease. It causes people to shrink away from the sufferer. He soon finds himself alone, miserable and embittered. There is, however, a cure so simple as to seem, at first glance, ridiculous; if you don’t feel happy, pretend to be! It works. Before long you will find that instead of repelling people, you attract them. You discover how deeply rewarding it is to be the center of wider and wider circles of good will. Then the make-believe becomes a reality. You possess the secret of peace of mind, and can forget yourself in being of service to others.
Being happy, once it is realized as a duty and established as a habit, opens doors into unimaginable gardens thronged with grateful friends.
There is no exact definition of the word happiness. Happy people are happy for all sorts of reasons. The key is not wealth or physical well-being, since we find beggars, invalids and so-called failures, who are extremely happy.
Being happy is a sort of unexpected dividend. But staying happy is an accomplishment, a triumph of soul and character. It is not selfish to strive for it. It is, indeed, a duty to ourselves and others. Being unhappy is like an infectious disease. It causes people to shrink away from the sufferer. He soon finds himself alone, miserable and embittered. There is, however, a cure so simple as to seem, at first glance, ridiculous; if you don’t feel happy, pretend to be! It works. Before long you will find that instead of repelling people, you attract them. You discover how deeply rewarding it is to be the center of wider and wider circles of good will. Then the make-believe becomes a reality. You possess the secret of peace of mind, and can forget yourself in being of service to others.
Being happy, once it is realized as a duty and established as a habit, opens doors into unimaginable gardens thronged with grateful friends.
The Love of Beauty
The love of beauty is an essential part of all healthy human nature. It is a moral quality. The absence of it is not an assured ground of condemnation, but the presence of it is an invariable sign of goodness of heart. In proportion to the degree in which it is felt will probably be the degree in which nobleness and beauty of character will be attained. Natural beauty is an all-pervading presence. The universe is its temple. It unfolds into the numberless flowers of spring. It waves in the branches of trees and the green blades of grass. It haunts the depths of the earth and the sea. It gleams from the hues of the shell and the precious stone. And not only these minute objects but the oceans, the mountains, the clouds, the stars, the rising and the setting sun---all overflow with beauty. This beauty is so precious, and so congenial to our tenderest and noblest feelings, that it is painful to think of the multitude of people living in the midst of it and yet remaining almost blind to it.
All persons should seek to become acquainted with the beauty in nature. There is not a worm we tread upon, nor a leaf that dances merrily as it falls before the autumn winds, but calls for our study and admiration. The power to appreciated beauty not merely increases our sources of happiness---it enlarges our moral nature, too. Beauty calms our restlessness and dispels our cares. Go into the fields or the woods, spend a summer day by the sea or the mountains, and all your little perplexities and anxieties will vanish. Listen to sweet music, and your foolish fears and petty jealousies will pass away. The beauty of the world helps us to seek and find the beauty of goodness.
All persons should seek to become acquainted with the beauty in nature. There is not a worm we tread upon, nor a leaf that dances merrily as it falls before the autumn winds, but calls for our study and admiration. The power to appreciated beauty not merely increases our sources of happiness---it enlarges our moral nature, too. Beauty calms our restlessness and dispels our cares. Go into the fields or the woods, spend a summer day by the sea or the mountains, and all your little perplexities and anxieties will vanish. Listen to sweet music, and your foolish fears and petty jealousies will pass away. The beauty of the world helps us to seek and find the beauty of goodness.
Be Happy
“The days that make us happy make us wise.”----John Masefield when I first read this line by England’s Poet Laureate, it startled me. What did Masefield mean? Without thinking about it much, I had always assumed that the opposite was true. But his sober assurance was arresting. I could not forget it. Finally, I seemed to grasp his meaning and realized that here was a profound observation. The wisdom that happiness makes possible lies in clear perception, not fogged by anxiety nor dimmed by despair and boredom, and without the blind spots caused by fear.Active happiness---not mere satisfaction or contentment ---often comes suddenly, like an April shower or the unfolding of a bud. Then you discover what kind of wisdom has accompanied it. The grass is greener; bird songs are sweeter; the shortcomings of your friends are more understandable and more forgivable. Happiness is like a pair of eyeglasses correcting your spiritual vision. Nor are the insights of happiness limited to what is near around you. Unhappy, with your thoughts turned in upon your emotional woes, your vision is cut short as though by a wall. Happy, the wall crumbles.The long vista is there for the seeing. The ground at your feet, the world about you----people, thoughts, emotions, pressures---are now fitted into the larger scene. Everything assumes a fairer proportion. And here is the beginning of wisdom.
Clear Your Mental Space
Think about the last time you felt a negative emotion---like stress, anger, or frustration. What was going through your mind as you were going through that negativity? Was your mind cluttered with thoughts? Or was it paralyzed, unable to think?The next time you find yourself in the middle of a very stressful time, or you feel angry or frustrated, stop. Yes, that’s right, stop. Whatever you’re doing, stop and sit for one minute. While you’re sitting there, completely immerse yourself in the negative emotion. Allow that emotion to consume you. Allow yourself one minute to truly feel that emotion. Don’t cheat yourself here. Take the entire minute---but only one minute---to do nothing else but feel that emotion. When the minute is over, ask yourself, “Am I wiling to keep holding on to this negative emotion as I go through the rest of the day?”Once you’ve allowed yourself to be totally immersed in the emotion and really fell it, you will be surprised to find that the emotion clears rather quickly. If you feel you need to hold on to the emotion for a little longer, that is OK. Allow yourself another minute to feel the emotion. When you feel you’ve had enough of the emotion, ask yourself if you’re willing to carry that negativity with you for the rest of the day. If not, take a deep breath. As you exhale, release all that negativity with your breath. This exercise seems simple---almost too simple. But, it is very effective. By allowing that negative emotion the space to be truly felt, you are dealing with the emotion rather than stuffing it down and trying not to feel it. You are actually taking away the power of the emotion by giving it the space and attention it needs. When you immerse yourself in the emotion, and realize that it is only emotion, it loses its control. You can clear your head and proceed with your task.Try it. Next time you’re in the middle of a negative emotion, give yourself the space to feel the emotion and see what happens. Keep a piece of paper with you that says the following: Stop. Immerse for one minute. Do I want to keep this negativity? Breath deep, exhale, release. Move on!This will remind you of the steps to the process. Remember; take the time you need to really immerse yourself in the emotion. Then, when you feel you’ve felt it enough, release it---really let go of it. You will be surprised at how quickly you can move on from a negative situation and get to what you really want to do!
Mirror, Mirror-What do I See?
A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful such as a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty inside of ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like “I love how I am when I’m with that person.” That simply translates into “I’m able to love me when I love that other person.” Oftentimes, when we meet someone new, we feel as though we “click”. Sometimes it’s as if we’ve known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities. Just as the “mirror” or other person can be a positive reflection, it is more likely that we’ll notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it’s easy to remember times when we have met someone we’re not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we get to know someone with whom we would rather spend less time.
Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, ironically, it’s usually the mirror that’s speaking to us.
I began questioning myself further each time I encountered someone that I didn’t particularly like. Each time, I asked myself, “What is it about that person that I don’t like?” and then “Is there something similar in me?” in every instance, I could see a piece of that quality in me, and sometimes I had to really get very introspective. So what did that mean?
It means that just as I can get annoyed or disturbed when I notice that aspect in someone else, I better reexamine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I’m not willing to make a drastic change, at least I consider how I might modify some of the things that I’m doing.
At times we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or disgusted. Although we don’t want to believe it, and it’s not easy or desirable to look further, it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It’s simply just another way to create more self-awareness.
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful such as a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty inside of ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like “I love how I am when I’m with that person.” That simply translates into “I’m able to love me when I love that other person.” Oftentimes, when we meet someone new, we feel as though we “click”. Sometimes it’s as if we’ve known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities. Just as the “mirror” or other person can be a positive reflection, it is more likely that we’ll notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it’s easy to remember times when we have met someone we’re not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we get to know someone with whom we would rather spend less time.
Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, ironically, it’s usually the mirror that’s speaking to us.
I began questioning myself further each time I encountered someone that I didn’t particularly like. Each time, I asked myself, “What is it about that person that I don’t like?” and then “Is there something similar in me?” in every instance, I could see a piece of that quality in me, and sometimes I had to really get very introspective. So what did that mean?
It means that just as I can get annoyed or disturbed when I notice that aspect in someone else, I better reexamine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I’m not willing to make a drastic change, at least I consider how I might modify some of the things that I’m doing.
At times we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or disgusted. Although we don’t want to believe it, and it’s not easy or desirable to look further, it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It’s simply just another way to create more self-awareness.
Solitude
I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of Cambridge College is as solitary as a dervish in the desert. The farmer can work alone in the field or the woods all day, hoeing or chopping, and not feel lonesome, because he is employed; but when he comes home at night he cannot sit down in a room alone, at the mercy of his thoughts, but must be where he can :see the folks,:” and recreate, and, as he thinks, remunerate himself for his day’s solitude; and hence he wonders how the student can sit alone in the house all night and most of the day without ennui and :the blues:; but he does not realize that the student, though in the house, is still at work in his field, and chopping in his woods, as the farmer in his, and in turn seeks the same recreation and society that the latter does, though it may be a more condensed form of it.
Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war. We meet at the post-office, and at the sociable, and about the fireside every night; we live thick and are in each other’s way, and stumble over one another, and I think that we thus lose some respect for one another. Certainly less frequency would suffice for all important and hearty communications. Consider the girls in a factory---never alone, hardly in their dreams. It would be better if there were but one inhabitant to a square mile, as where I live. The value of a man is not in his skin, that we should touch him.
I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when nobody calls. Let me suggest a few comparisons, that some one may convey an idea of my situation. I am no more lonely than the loon in the pond that laughs so loud, or than Walden Pond itself. What company has that lonely lake, I pray?
And yet it has not the blue devils, but the blue angels in it, in the azure tint of its waters. The sun is alone, except in thick weather, when there sometimes appear to be two, but one is a mock sun. god is alone---but the devil, he is far from being alone; he sees a great deal of company; he is legion. I am no more lonely than a single mullein or dandelion in a pasture, or a bean leaf, or sorrel, or a horse-fly, or a bumblebee. I am no more lonely than the Millbrook, or a weathercock, or the north star, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.
Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war. We meet at the post-office, and at the sociable, and about the fireside every night; we live thick and are in each other’s way, and stumble over one another, and I think that we thus lose some respect for one another. Certainly less frequency would suffice for all important and hearty communications. Consider the girls in a factory---never alone, hardly in their dreams. It would be better if there were but one inhabitant to a square mile, as where I live. The value of a man is not in his skin, that we should touch him.
I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when nobody calls. Let me suggest a few comparisons, that some one may convey an idea of my situation. I am no more lonely than the loon in the pond that laughs so loud, or than Walden Pond itself. What company has that lonely lake, I pray?
And yet it has not the blue devils, but the blue angels in it, in the azure tint of its waters. The sun is alone, except in thick weather, when there sometimes appear to be two, but one is a mock sun. god is alone---but the devil, he is far from being alone; he sees a great deal of company; he is legion. I am no more lonely than a single mullein or dandelion in a pasture, or a bean leaf, or sorrel, or a horse-fly, or a bumblebee. I am no more lonely than the Millbrook, or a weathercock, or the north star, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.
On Motes and Beams
It is curious that our own offenses should seem so much less heinous than the offenses of others. I suppose the reason is that we know all the circumstances that have occasioned them and so manage to excuse in ourselves what we cannot excuse in others. We turn our attention away from our own defects, and when we are forced by untoward events to consider them, find it easy to condone them. For all I know we are right to do this; they are part of us and we must accept the good and bad in ourselves together. But when we come to judge others, it is not by ourselves as we really are that we judge them, but by an image that we have formed of ourselves fro which we have left out everything that offends our vanity or would discredit us in the eyes of the world. To take a trivial instance: how scornful we are when we catch someone out telling a lie; but who can say that he has never told not one, but a hundred? There is not much to choose between men. They are all a hotchpotch of greatness and littleness, of virtue and vice, of nobility and baseness. Some have more strength of character, or more opportunity, and so in one direction or another give their instincts freer play, but potentially they are the same. For my part, I do not think I am any better or any worse than most people, but I know that if I set down every action in my life and every thought that has crossed my mind, the world would consider me a monster of depravity. The knowledge that these reveries are common to all men should inspire one with tolerance to oneself as well as to others. It is well also if they enable us to look upon our fellows, even the most eminent and respectable, with humor, and if they lead us to take ourselves not too seriously.
When Love Beckons You
When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you, yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to our roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
But if, in your fear, you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love;And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a payer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to our roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
But if, in your fear, you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love;And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a payer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Human Life a Poem
I think that, from a biological standpoint, human life almost reads like a poem. It has its own rhythm and beat, its internal cycles of growth and decay. It begins with innocent childhood, followed by awkward adolescence trying awkwardly to adapt itself to mature society, with its young passions and follies, its ideals and ambitions; then it reaches a manhood of intense activities, profiting from experience and learning more about society and human nature; at middle age, there is a slight easing of tension, a mellowing of character like the ripening of fruit or the mellowing of good wine, and the gradual acquiring of a more tolerant, more cynical and at the same time a kindlier view of life; then In the sunset of our life, the endocrine glands decrease their activity, and if we have a true philosophy of old age and have ordered our life pattern according to it, it is for us the age of peace and security and leisure and contentment; finally, life flickers out and one goes into eternal sleep, never to wake up again.
One should be able to sense the beauty of this rhythm of life, to appreciate, as we do in grand symphonies, its main theme, its strains of conflict and the final resolution. The movements of these cycles are very much the same in a normal life, but the music must be provided by the individual himself. In some souls, the discordant note becomes harsher and harsher and finally overwhelms or submerges the main melody. Sometimes the discordant note gains so much power that the music can no longer go on, and the individual shoots himself with a pistol or jump into a river. But that is because his original leitmotif has been hopelessly over-showed through the lack of a good self-education. Otherwise the normal human life runs to its normal end in kind of dignified movement and procession. There are sometimes in many of us too many staccatos or impetuosos, and because the tempo is wrong, the music is not pleasing to the ear; we might have more of the grand rhythm and majestic tempo o the Ganges, flowing slowly and eternally into the sea.
No one can say that life with childhood, manhood and old age is not a beautiful arrangement; the day has its morning, noon and sunset, and the year has its seasons, and it is good that it is so. There is no good or bad in life, except what is good according to its own season. And if we take this biological view of life and try to live according to the seasons, no one but a conceited fool or an impossible idealist can deny that human life can be lived like a poem. Shakespeare has expressed this idea more graphically in his passage about the seven stages of life, and a good many Chinese writers have said about the same thing. It is curious that Shakespeare was never very religious, or very much concerned with religion. I think this was his greatness; he took human life largely as it was, and intruded himself as little upon the general scheme of things as he did upon the characters of his plays. Shakespeare was like Nature itself, and that is the greatest compliment we can pay to a writer or thinker. He merely lived, observed life and went away.
One should be able to sense the beauty of this rhythm of life, to appreciate, as we do in grand symphonies, its main theme, its strains of conflict and the final resolution. The movements of these cycles are very much the same in a normal life, but the music must be provided by the individual himself. In some souls, the discordant note becomes harsher and harsher and finally overwhelms or submerges the main melody. Sometimes the discordant note gains so much power that the music can no longer go on, and the individual shoots himself with a pistol or jump into a river. But that is because his original leitmotif has been hopelessly over-showed through the lack of a good self-education. Otherwise the normal human life runs to its normal end in kind of dignified movement and procession. There are sometimes in many of us too many staccatos or impetuosos, and because the tempo is wrong, the music is not pleasing to the ear; we might have more of the grand rhythm and majestic tempo o the Ganges, flowing slowly and eternally into the sea.
No one can say that life with childhood, manhood and old age is not a beautiful arrangement; the day has its morning, noon and sunset, and the year has its seasons, and it is good that it is so. There is no good or bad in life, except what is good according to its own season. And if we take this biological view of life and try to live according to the seasons, no one but a conceited fool or an impossible idealist can deny that human life can be lived like a poem. Shakespeare has expressed this idea more graphically in his passage about the seven stages of life, and a good many Chinese writers have said about the same thing. It is curious that Shakespeare was never very religious, or very much concerned with religion. I think this was his greatness; he took human life largely as it was, and intruded himself as little upon the general scheme of things as he did upon the characters of his plays. Shakespeare was like Nature itself, and that is the greatest compliment we can pay to a writer or thinker. He merely lived, observed life and went away.
Relish the Moment
Tucked away in our subconsciousness is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the moment. We are traveling by train. Out the windows, we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn ad wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.
But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering---waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
“When we reach the station, that will be it!” we cry. “When I’m 18.” “When I buy a new 450SL Mercedes Benz!” “When I put the last kid through college.” “When I have paid off the mortgage!” “When I get a promotion.” “When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!” Sooner or later, we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.
But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering---waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
“When we reach the station, that will be it!” we cry. “When I’m 18.” “When I buy a new 450SL Mercedes Benz!” “When I put the last kid through college.” “When I have paid off the mortgage!” “When I get a promotion.” “When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!” Sooner or later, we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.
If I Rest,I Rust.
The significant inscription found on an old key---“If I rest, I rust”---would be an excellent motto for those who are afflicted with the slightest bit of idleness. Even the most industrious person might adopt it with advantage to serve as a reminder that, if one allows his faculties to rest, like the iron in the unused key, they will soon show signs of rust and, ultimately, cannot do the work required of them. Those who would attain the heights reached and kept by great men must keep their faculties polished by constant use, so that they may unlock the doors of knowledge, the gate that guard the entrances to the professions, to science, art, literature, agriculture---every department of human endeavor. Industry keeps bright the key that opens the treasury of achievement. If Hugh Miller, after toiling all day in a quarry, had devoted his evenings to rest and recreation, he would never have become a famous geologist. The celebrated mathematician, Edmund Stone, would never have published a mathematical dictionary, never have found the key to science of mathematics, if he had given his spare moments to idleness, had the little Scotch lad, Ferguson, allowed the busy brain to go to sleep while he tended sheep on the hillside instead of calculating the position of the stars by a string of beads, he would never have become a famous astronomer.
Labor vanquishes all---not inconstant, spasmodic, or ill-directed labor; but faithful, unremitting, daily effort toward a well-directed purpose. Just as truly as eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, so is eternal industry the price of noble and enduring success.
Labor vanquishes all---not inconstant, spasmodic, or ill-directed labor; but faithful, unremitting, daily effort toward a well-directed purpose. Just as truly as eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, so is eternal industry the price of noble and enduring success.
If I Were A Boy Again
If I were a boy again, I would practice perseverance more often, and never give up a thing because it was or inconvenient. If we want light, we must conquer darkness. Perseverance can sometimes equal genius in its results. “There are only two creatures,” syas a proverb, “who can surmount the pyramids — the eagle and the snail.” If I were a boy again, I would school myself into a habit of attention; I would let nothing come between me and the subject in hand. I would remember that a good skater never tries to skate in two directions at once. The habit of attention becomes part of our life, if we begain early enough. I often hear grown up people say “ I could not fix my attention on the sermon or book, although I wished to do so” , and the reason is, the habit was not formed in youth. If I were to live my life over again, I would pay more attention to the cultivation of the memory. I would strengthen that faculty by every possible means, and on every possible occasion. It takes a little hard work at first to remember things accurately; but memory soon helps itself, and gives very little trouble. It only needs early cultivation to become a power.
If I were a boy again, I would cultivate courage. “Nothing is so mild and gentle as courage, nothing so cruel and pitiless as cowardice,” syas a wise author. We too often borrow trouble, and anticipate that may never appear.” The fear of ill exceeds the ill we fear.” Dangers will arise in any career, but presence of mind will often conquer the worst of them. Be prepared for any fate, and there is no harm to be freared. If I were a boy again, I would look on the cheerful side. Life is very much like a mirror: if you smile upon it, I smiles back upon you; but if you frown and look doubtful on it, you will get a similar look in return. Inner sunshine warms not only the heart of the owner, but of all that come in contact with it. “ who shuts love out ,in turn shall be shut out from love.” If I were a boy again, I would school myself to say no more often. I might write pages on the importance of learning very early in life to gain that point where a young boy can stand erect, and decline doing an unworthy act because it is unworthy. If I were a boy again, I would demand of myself more courtesy towards my companions and friends, and indeed towards strangers as well. The smallest courtesies along the rough roads of life are like the little birds that sing to us all winter long, and make that season of ice and snow more endurable. Finally, instead of trying hard to be happy, as if that were the sole purpose of life, I would , if I were a boy again, I would still try harder to make others happy.
If I were a boy again, I would cultivate courage. “Nothing is so mild and gentle as courage, nothing so cruel and pitiless as cowardice,” syas a wise author. We too often borrow trouble, and anticipate that may never appear.” The fear of ill exceeds the ill we fear.” Dangers will arise in any career, but presence of mind will often conquer the worst of them. Be prepared for any fate, and there is no harm to be freared. If I were a boy again, I would look on the cheerful side. Life is very much like a mirror: if you smile upon it, I smiles back upon you; but if you frown and look doubtful on it, you will get a similar look in return. Inner sunshine warms not only the heart of the owner, but of all that come in contact with it. “ who shuts love out ,in turn shall be shut out from love.” If I were a boy again, I would school myself to say no more often. I might write pages on the importance of learning very early in life to gain that point where a young boy can stand erect, and decline doing an unworthy act because it is unworthy. If I were a boy again, I would demand of myself more courtesy towards my companions and friends, and indeed towards strangers as well. The smallest courtesies along the rough roads of life are like the little birds that sing to us all winter long, and make that season of ice and snow more endurable. Finally, instead of trying hard to be happy, as if that were the sole purpose of life, I would , if I were a boy again, I would still try harder to make others happy.
The Life I Desired ——William Somerset Maugham
That must be the story of innumerable couples, and the pattern of life it offers has a homely grace. It reminds you of a placid rivulet, meandering smoohtly through green pastures and shaded by pleasant trees, till at last it falls into the vasty sea; but the sea is so calm, so silent, so infifferent, that you are troubled suddently by a vague uneasiness. Perhaps it is only by a kink in my nature, strong in me even in those days, that I felt in such an existence, the share of the great majority, something amiss. I recognized its social value. I saw its ordered happiness, but a fever in my blood asked for a wilder course. There seemed to me something alarming in such easy delights. In my heart I desire to live more dangerously. I was not unprepared for jagged rocks and treacherous, shoals it I could only have change-change and the exicitement of unforeseen.
I’ll Try——C.G Rossetti
The little boy who says "I’ll try"
Will climb to the hill-top.
The little boy who says "I can’t".
Will at the bottom stop.
'I'll try" does great things every day.
"I can't" gets nothing done.
Be sure then that you say "I'll try"
And let "I can't" alone.
Will climb to the hill-top.
The little boy who says "I can’t".
Will at the bottom stop.
'I'll try" does great things every day.
"I can't" gets nothing done.
Be sure then that you say "I'll try"
And let "I can't" alone.
19.5.09
18.5.09
7.5.09
6.5.09
Sideways 2004
Maya: You know, can I ask you a personal question, Miles?
Miles Raymond: Sure.
Maya: Why are you so in to Pinot?
Miles Raymond: [laughs softly]
Maya: I mean, it's like a thing with you.
Miles Raymond: [continues laughing softly]
Miles Raymond: Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
Miles Raymond: Sure.
Maya: Why are you so in to Pinot?
Miles Raymond: [laughs softly]
Maya: I mean, it's like a thing with you.
Miles Raymond: [continues laughing softly]
Miles Raymond: Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
28.4.09
27.4.09
26.4.09
25.4.09
24.4.09
Do not abandon yourself to despair.
Hope never abandons you , you abandon it.
Don't abandon one's beliefs or allegiances.
We should not abandon ourselves to pleasures.
Abandon harsh words, and speak pleasantly instead.
23.4.09
22.4.09
21.4.09
Embrace solitude instead of running from it.
Without its soul,without its wing.
Simple life, a saving of soul.
Simple life, a saving of soul.
When we are in the depths of our loneliness, what comforts us – what could possibly take us away from it? What, indeed? So often, it feels like there is no solace; like we are running from our own shadow. And it is true, in a way. There is no escape from being alone. We are always alone. But there is a way out of loneliness.
All our efforts at escaping loneliness are fundamentally flawed, for we don’t understand the nature of what we are running from. There is something beautiful about your loneliness. And when you see that, when you acknowledge it, learn to delight in it, that’s when something shifts inside you. When your loneliness becomes aloneness – that is freedom! That is when you can truly begin to Love!
Fragmentation and the search for wholeness
As Osho once said – the first thing is to acknowledge aloneness. Aloneness is our true nature; we can never, ever, not be alone. We come into this world alone, we leave the world alone. And in between these two, we are alone – but we frantically hide from it, run from it, pretend it isn’t true.
“Do you ever feel like you want to completely merge with another?” I remained silent. An old memory struck me, and I remembered feeling that same depth of loneliness, once, a long time ago. Or perhaps it never truly left me – an alienation so deep that the only way out truly seemed to be melting into another person.
Feeling cut-off in the middle of a lunchtime crowd, feeling alone when cuddling with a girlfriend; always on the outside looking in at life.
This alienation is the universal dilemma of human existence – never at ease, never at home. It drives almost everything we do. Loneliness and separation is an intrinsic, permanent part of our ego.
In the teachings of non-duality, the core of many religions and philosophies, the message is simple – we are all part of the infinite, ever-present, eternal One Life. We are all deeply interconnected and inseparable.
The ego, then, is the universal illusion, the exaggerated feeling of “I”, and the root of all our solitude. For the moment we feel we are “I”, that is the moment we have created the “Not-I”, the other, everything else. We become a fragment, cut off from the rest of existence. We become a dot in this world, forgotten by God.
This sense of fragmentation, for some – perhaps the ones who couldn’t laugh in the lecture hall – is conscious. It shows up as a deep and constant sense of not being whole, of not being enough.
For others, this sense is unconscious. They lack something, but they don’t know what it is. And so they seek, and strive, and struggle, yet all the time not knowing what it is they are trying to fill. More belongings, more sex, more status, more power, more recognition, more, more, more. Almost all their efforts stem from this drive for self-completion. But it is all futile – we are throwing our energies down a bottomless pit. That we are trying to fulfil is the very thing that is causing our lack.
Romance – the new alcohol
Romance is perhaps the most common cover-up for the sense of fragmentation. If we are lonely, it must make sense that we need a special someone! Logical and cold, like a business transaction. A boyfriend, a girlfriend, a lover, someone, anyone! We have reduced them to a mere cover up for our sorrows – no different from the misuse of alcohol, the noise of our television, or killing time on the phone until we can next be with someone – as if we have so much time to kill!
Sex is the closest we can get to oneness on a physical level, and that is why it is so deeply satisfying. And when we peer deeper into our heart, fragmentation shows up as a need to attach, to cling, to melt and to merge. How many people are conscious of this lack? How common is this primordial sense of alienation? Common enough to show up on a standardised psychological test.
And so we look for someone to take away that feeling. When we are with someone, we can take our mind off that background sense of disharmony. Suddenly, our existence seems to have meaning. “I am not alone!” You exclaim, as you cuddle, hug, and kiss. “I have someone who needs me, who wants me! I am beautiful, I am wanted, I am worthy! I am no longer alone!”
And yet, a mere cover-up is all they will ever be. Even when we are with our loved ones, we are still just as we are – alone.
The film focused in particular on the finest host in town – a charming man who owned his own bar. He was living the dream. His prowess with women made other men pale in comparison. He stole women away from their husbands and boyfriends. Women fought over him, sometimes physically, sometimes by throwing money at him, and he goes home with a different one every night. It seemed he would be the last man on Earth to feel alienated.
Near the end of the documentary, I remember the interviewer asking him if it was all worth it. He hangs his head and sighs. “It was all fun for the first few years. But after a while… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore. I am the loneliest man in the world.”
The beauty of aloneness, and the sorrow of loneliness
If romance and sex, if money and fame and recognition offer no relief, what does one do? When you are in the throes of heartache and loneliness, what good are the teachings on oneness and inter-existence? Unless you can experience what they are pointing to – how do they comfort you?
Pretty words to fill your head, and then you close the book and turn to look at your bed, and find it as cold and lonely as it was before. If we can never not be alone, what then? All I can offer is a change of perspective.
Another quote from Osho, then: Aloneness is beautiful, it is grand. Loneliness is sorrowful, it is despair.
On the surface, they look the same. But in reality, they are worlds apart.
Aloneness is our nature. Loneliness is us running away from it.
You are alone. Why make it into a problem? Relax into your loneliness; into your sadness. Don’t run from your aloneness, for it is always there. Celebrate being alone, delight in yourself, dance in your aloneness. If you can’t, then you will forever be running away. Love yourself. It is the only way.
Simply sit down, and be lonely. Don’t think about it. Just feel it. Relax into it, and then you’ll find that your sadness has its own sacredness. Being alone is the perfect chance for you to go deeper into yourself. See all your subtleties, face yourself squarely, and gaze at all the parts you don’t want to. Bring it all up into the light of your awareness, and accept them, love them.
We go off into the city, into the office, into the nightclubs, to run from our aloneness. The teachers, the gurus, the Zen masters – they go off into the mountains so they can get better acquainted with it.
So what? Then what? Once you delight in yourself, then – and only then – can you truly delight in the other. It’s a paradox, one of the biggest ones in the world. Only when you no longer need a lover; that is when you can find romance. Anything else is a sham, a pale imitation.
To be needed and to be loved
A sham. That’s what the entire game of romance is. Who is our “romance” really about? Us, and us alone. We say – I love you. But what we really mean is – Please love me. Manipulation is all it is.
Manipulation to fill our gaps, so we can feel loved, to feel needed. In fact, we have come to confuse the two words – being needed, to us, is the same as being in love!
A friend of mine was complaining to me about something very strange. Her husband had begun to discover the joys of aloneness. He had become meditative, more content and quietly joyful. He loved and laughed when he was with her, but he was also beginning to enjoy his solitary time. He was starting to see that there was nothing lacking, that he no longer needed her to feel complete.
He no longer needed her, and to her it felt like he was falling out of love. But he wasn’t – in fact, he was falling in love for the first time.
Neediness is so common that we think it’s a sign of romantic love. But neediness is simply that – neediness. And this need will never be satisfied, for nobody – no matter how sweet, handsome, beautiful, gentle, extravagant, and attentive – can ever love your ego the way it wants to be loved.
At most, you will be satisfied for a period of time – the “honeymoon” phase, when you are “in love”, when everything seems perfect and beautiful. Your existence seems to have meaning, for someone needs you and loves you.
Then one day your needs and insecurities – all symptoms of the basic, primordial sense of fragmentation - raise their heads again. Or maybe it just seems that way – they had always been there, we just forgot about them for a while. And that’s when the arguments start, for we think it is the fault of the other person.
“You were supposed to make me happy!” you cry. And the sweetness, the smiles and the kisses begin to swing the other way. We become sad; we attack them for not making us happy; we manipulate them into giving us more. Maybe they give in, and the pendulum swings back into sweetness. Maybe they don’t, and we break up in tears and anger. This even seems normal.
But it is not their fault. No one can take away our primordial sense of separation except us. But we don’t know that, and so we go on complaining and pulling strings. We forget that the only way to be satisfied is to be satisfied in yourself.
Lonely people cannot Love; they can only pretend to, for they have nothing to give. They only give a plastic love, in the hope that someone will give real Love in return. Everything becomes a giant game; a chess match.
But when you no longer need to be needed, when you truly stop wanting to be wanted, that’s when your loneliness changes into aloneness. And you begin to see Love.
Dedicated to all those who are or have been lonely and alienated.
The misunderstandings
1. Loneliness – it is separate from aloneness; two different things. Our physical nature is to be alone. We can never, not be alone. Even if we are having sex, we are still relatively physically separate. But that is not a problem, it only causes sorrow when we run away from it. When we run from our nature, we cause our own pangs of loneliness… but when we acknowledge and embrace our nature, we find the beauty of aloneness.
2. And from aloneness, that is the beginning of true Romance. I am not saying everybody fakes love – I’m saying lonely people do; for they cannot love if they need. Love is the opposite of need. Once you stop needing, that is when you can find love. There are many who do truly love; there are many who do not expect anything in return – but those are the souls who have found aloneness.
3. Once you have stopped being needy, which is what I have called aloneness, that is when you can truly go out into the world and find a proper romance and relationships. Otherwise, it is likely to be neediness, attachment - and not real love. That is all I am saying, I’ve stated that many times throughout the post - that real Love cannot come from loneliness. I am not saying we should all be alone forever, although there’s definitely nothing wrong with that.
20.4.09
Marriage
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.（Oscar Wilde）
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.（Anonymous）
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind（Anonymous）
Marriage isn't a word…… it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.（Anonymous）
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind（Anonymous）
Marriage isn't a word…… it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
It's raining here this morning.
Dreams
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
19.4.09
17.4.09
16.4.09
Is life really an empty dream?
If clouds are beings, and beings are clouds, are we not all well advised to drift, to feel the wind tucking us in here and plucking us out there?
14.4.09
13.4.09
I'm so tired
I had a hell of a time yesterday, making everything into a mess.
You're a mess, you'll have to change.
When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.
Only then did I realize it!
You're a mess, you'll have to change.
When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.
Only then did I realize it!
12.4.09
Our break are over
We walked more than six kilometers to east coast park yesterday.
I picked two sea shells, all the time i was toying with them.
Then we were caught in a very heavy shower of rain.
Standing under a pavilion, looking at ships loom through the fog on the sea.
Are we in the painting?
I picked two sea shells, all the time i was toying with them.
Then we were caught in a very heavy shower of rain.
Standing under a pavilion, looking at ships loom through the fog on the sea.
Are we in the painting?
9.4.09
It's a beautiful day.
Here came a comfortable wind.
I felt the wind blowing on my face from an open window.
I lived in comfort.
I felt the wind blowing on my face from an open window.
I lived in comfort.
8.4.09
The weather is good today.
All covet, all lose.
In doing we learn.
Learned men are not necessarily wise.
The more learned a man is, the more modest he usually is.
Never too old to learn.In doing we learn.
7.4.09
It has begun to rain.
It very often rains here in April.
Reason is the guide and light of life.
A wise person who is calm and rational, who lives a life of reason with equanimity and try not to let your heart rule your head.
Get control of(oneself,one's actions,one's emotions,etc)
Reason is the guide and light of life.
A wise person who is calm and rational, who lives a life of reason with equanimity and try not to let your heart rule your head.
Get control of(oneself,one's actions,one's emotions,etc)
6.4.09
Good Will Hunting
So, if I asked you about art, you\'d probably give me the skinny on Every art book ever written. Michelangelo. You know a lot about him: life\'s work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can\'t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You\'ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling…seen that. If I ask you about women, you\'ll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can\'t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You\'re a tough kid. And I ask you about war, you\'d probably, uh, throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more unto the breach, dear friends…" But you\'ve never been near one. You\'ve never held your best friend\'s head in your lap…and watched him gasp his last breath, lookin\' to you for help. I ask you about love, you\'ll probably quote me a sonnet. But you\'ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable……known someone that could level you with her eyes……feelin\' like God put an angel on earth just for you……who could rescue you from the depths of hell……and you wouldn\'t know what it\'s like to be her angel……to have that love for her, be there forever…through anything…through cancer. And you wouldn\'t know about sleeping sittin\' up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms "visiting hours" don\'t apply to you. You don\'t know about real loss……\'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself.I doubt you\'ve ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you.I don\'t see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared-shitless kid. But you\'re a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me, because you saw a painting of mine. You ripped my fuckin\' life apart. You\'re an orphan, right? Do you think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been? How you feel? Who you are? Because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don\'t give a shit about all that. Because you know what? I can\'t learn anything from you I can\'t read in some fuckin\' book. Unless, you wanna talk about you…who you are. Then I \'m fasci ated. I\'m in. But you don\'t want to do that, do you, sport? You\'re terrified of what you might say.
5.4.09
The Holiday
I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true.
Shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting.
Oh, what an extraordinary thought!
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I m more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.
I m constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, Love is blind.
Now that is something I know to be true.
For some, quite inexplicably, love fades.
For others, love is simply lost.
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there s another kind of love, the cruellest kind, the one that almost kills its victims.
It s called unrequited love.
"A fairy tale English cottageset in a tranquil country garden.
"Snuggle up by an old stone fireplaceand enjoy a cup of cocoa.
"An enchanting oasis of tranquilityin a quiet English hamlet.
Listen.
I know it's hard to believe peoplewhen they say, "I know how you feel,"
but I actually know how you feel.
Pathetic explanation, but, unfortunately,it's become a bit of a routine.
So how's it going so far?
I mean, up until I showed upand ruined your night.
Would you like something to drink?Glass of water?
Tea? Wine, maybe?
I think there's a bottle of brandy.
You fancy a glass?- Sure.
Good.
So, I'm sorry, I've totally blankedand forgotten your name.
I like corny.
I'm looking for corny in my life.
Shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting.
Oh, what an extraordinary thought!
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I m more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.
I m constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, Love is blind.
Now that is something I know to be true.
For some, quite inexplicably, love fades.
For others, love is simply lost.
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there s another kind of love, the cruellest kind, the one that almost kills its victims.
It s called unrequited love.
"A fairy tale English cottageset in a tranquil country garden.
"Snuggle up by an old stone fireplaceand enjoy a cup of cocoa.
"An enchanting oasis of tranquilityin a quiet English hamlet.
Listen.
I know it's hard to believe peoplewhen they say, "I know how you feel,"
but I actually know how you feel.
Pathetic explanation, but, unfortunately,it's become a bit of a routine.
So how's it going so far?
I mean, up until I showed upand ruined your night.
Would you like something to drink?Glass of water?
Tea? Wine, maybe?
I think there's a bottle of brandy.
You fancy a glass?- Sure.
Good.
So, I'm sorry, I've totally blankedand forgotten your name.
I like corny.
I'm looking for corny in my life.
4.4.09
Inkheart
You've been to Persia, then?
Yes, a hundred times.
Along with st.Petersburg,
Paris, middie earth, distant planets and shangri-la.
And I never had to leave this room.
Books are adventure.
They contain murder and mayhem and passion.
They love anyone who opens them.
You want to be a writer, don't you?
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
No, no. just a lonely thing.
The world you create on the page--
Seems more friendly and alive than the world you live in.
And you wish you could be there instead.
Yes, a hundred times.
Along with st.Petersburg,
Paris, middie earth, distant planets and shangri-la.
And I never had to leave this room.
Books are adventure.
They contain murder and mayhem and passion.
They love anyone who opens them.
You want to be a writer, don't you?
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
No, no. just a lonely thing.
The world you create on the page--
Seems more friendly and alive than the world you live in.
And you wish you could be there instead.
3.4.09
1900
Why the hell don't you get off?
Just once? One time?
See the world for yourself with your own eyes?
You ever think about it?
You could do anything you wanted to.
Why not?
God knows you can't spend the rest of your life traveling back and forth like some yo-yo.
The world is out there.
Nothing but a gangplank to cross.
And what's a gangplank? A few stupid steps.
Christ, everything is waiting at the bottom of those steps
Why don't you just do it, one time?
Why don't you just get off?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I think land people waste a lot of time wondering why.
Winter comes and you can't wait for summer.
Summer comes and you live in dread of winter.
That's way you never tire of traveling.
Always chasing someplace far away.
where it's always summer.
Doesn't sound like a good bet to me.
It's everything I leave behind Until a few years ago I know only my field.
The world for me started and ended there in that little piece of the land.
Maybe you can't understand but--
I understand perfectly.
I know someone went through something very similar.
But he ended up alone too.
Then he is more lucky than me.
And it's for her that I decide one day to fight against my bad luck and travel all over without a destination.
And then one day when I go through one of the many towns I never see before.
I come to a hill.
And then I see the most beautiful thing in my life.
The sea.
I never see it before.
It was like lightning hit me.
Because I hear the voice.
The voice of the sea?
Yeah, the voice of the sea.
The voice of the sea it is like a shout.
A shout big and strong screaming and screaming.
And the thing it was screaming was: life is immense can you understand that?
Immense.
I never think of it that way.
A revolution was in my head.
That's how I suddenly decide to change my life to start fresh.
Change life. Start fresh.
I'm getting off this ship。
I've got to see something down there.
The ocean.
But from here.
I want to see it from there.
It's not the same thing at all.
From land, you can hear its voice.
You don't hear that from a ship.
Its voice.
It's like a big scream telling you that life is immense.
Once you've heard it, then you know what you have to do to go on living.
I could stay here forever.
But the ocean would never tell me a thing.
But if I get off live on land for a couple of years 0then I'll be normal just like the others.
Then maybe one day,
I'll make it to the coast look up, see the ocean and hear it scream.
We'll watch the fireworks from the pier then we'll start from scratch.
Sometimes that's the way you have to do it.
You go right back to the beginning.
All that city,
You just couldn't see an end to it.
The end-- please?
You please just show me where it ends?
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me.
It was what I didn't see.
Understand?
What I didnt' see,
In all that srawling city there was everything except an end.
There was no end.
What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end.
The end of the world.
You take a piano.
Keys begin.
The keys end.
You know there are 88 of them.
Nobody can tell you any different.
They are not infinite.
You are infinite.
And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite.
I like that.
That I can live by.
You get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions and billions of keys that never end and that's the truth that they never end.
That keyboard is infinite.
And if that keyboard is infinite then there is no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano.
Christ, did you see the streets? Just the streets.
There were thousands of them.
How do you do it down there?
How do you choose just one?
One house.
One piece of land to call your own one landscape to look at one way to die?
All that world just weighing down on you.
You don't even know where it comes to an end.
I mean, aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it?
At the enormity of living it?
And the world passed me by.
You played out your happiness but on a piano that was not infinite
I learned to live that way.
Land?
Land is a ship too big for me
It's a woman too beautiful.
It's a voyage too long perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
At best,
I can step off my life.
After all.
I don't exist for anyone.
Just once? One time?
See the world for yourself with your own eyes?
You ever think about it?
You could do anything you wanted to.
Why not?
God knows you can't spend the rest of your life traveling back and forth like some yo-yo.
The world is out there.
Nothing but a gangplank to cross.
And what's a gangplank? A few stupid steps.
Christ, everything is waiting at the bottom of those steps
Why don't you just do it, one time?
Why don't you just get off?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I think land people waste a lot of time wondering why.
Winter comes and you can't wait for summer.
Summer comes and you live in dread of winter.
That's way you never tire of traveling.
Always chasing someplace far away.
where it's always summer.
Doesn't sound like a good bet to me.
It's everything I leave behind Until a few years ago I know only my field.
The world for me started and ended there in that little piece of the land.
Maybe you can't understand but--
I understand perfectly.
I know someone went through something very similar.
But he ended up alone too.
Then he is more lucky than me.
And it's for her that I decide one day to fight against my bad luck and travel all over without a destination.
And then one day when I go through one of the many towns I never see before.
I come to a hill.
And then I see the most beautiful thing in my life.
The sea.
I never see it before.
It was like lightning hit me.
Because I hear the voice.
The voice of the sea?
Yeah, the voice of the sea.
The voice of the sea it is like a shout.
A shout big and strong screaming and screaming.
And the thing it was screaming was: life is immense can you understand that?
Immense.
I never think of it that way.
A revolution was in my head.
That's how I suddenly decide to change my life to start fresh.
Change life. Start fresh.
I'm getting off this ship。
I've got to see something down there.
The ocean.
But from here.
I want to see it from there.
It's not the same thing at all.
From land, you can hear its voice.
You don't hear that from a ship.
Its voice.
It's like a big scream telling you that life is immense.
Once you've heard it, then you know what you have to do to go on living.
I could stay here forever.
But the ocean would never tell me a thing.
But if I get off live on land for a couple of years 0then I'll be normal just like the others.
Then maybe one day,
I'll make it to the coast look up, see the ocean and hear it scream.
We'll watch the fireworks from the pier then we'll start from scratch.
Sometimes that's the way you have to do it.
You go right back to the beginning.
All that city,
You just couldn't see an end to it.
The end-- please?
You please just show me where it ends?
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me.
It was what I didn't see.
Understand?
What I didnt' see,
In all that srawling city there was everything except an end.
There was no end.
What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end.
The end of the world.
You take a piano.
Keys begin.
The keys end.
You know there are 88 of them.
Nobody can tell you any different.
They are not infinite.
You are infinite.
And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite.
I like that.
That I can live by.
You get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions and billions of keys that never end and that's the truth that they never end.
That keyboard is infinite.
And if that keyboard is infinite then there is no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano.
Christ, did you see the streets? Just the streets.
There were thousands of them.
How do you do it down there?
How do you choose just one?
One house.
One piece of land to call your own one landscape to look at one way to die?
All that world just weighing down on you.
You don't even know where it comes to an end.
I mean, aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it?
At the enormity of living it?
And the world passed me by.
You played out your happiness but on a piano that was not infinite
I learned to live that way.
Land?
Land is a ship too big for me
It's a woman too beautiful.
It's a voyage too long perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
At best,
I can step off my life.
After all.
I don't exist for anyone.
It's a fine day.
I want everyone to butt out of my life.
I can make of my life anything i wish.
I Believe I Can Fly
i used to think that i could not go wrong
and life was nothing but that an awful song
but now i know the meaning of true love
i'm leaning on the everlasting arms
if i can see it, then i can do it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
see i was on the verge of breaking down
sometimes inside us, it can seem so long
there are miracles in life i must achieve
but first i know it starts inside of me
could i believe in it?
if i can see it, then i can be it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
I can make of my life anything i wish.
I Believe I Can Fly
i used to think that i could not go wrong
and life was nothing but that an awful song
but now i know the meaning of true love
i'm leaning on the everlasting arms
if i can see it, then i can do it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
see i was on the verge of breaking down
sometimes inside us, it can seem so long
there are miracles in life i must achieve
but first i know it starts inside of me
could i believe in it?
if i can see it, then i can be it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
2.4.09
It's a nice day.
Honey fried fish chip before go to woke.
Experience teaches.
Experience does it.
Experience is the mother of wisdom.
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools learn in no other.
Experience keeps no school, she teaches her pupils singly.
Experience teaches.
Experience does it.
Experience is the mother of wisdom.
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools learn in no other.
Experience keeps no school, she teaches her pupils singly.
1.4.09
The Bucket List
Carter Chambers：You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: Do you hate me?
Carter Chambers: Not yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: What are you so afraid of?
Edward Cole: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it!
Carter Chambers: Oh, like the lady in the bar?
Edward Cole: That's different.
Carter Chambers: Tell me how it's different.
Edward Cole: I build a billion dollar business up from NOTHING! Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty, and i'm supposed to make out like what? This trip was supposed to MEAN something to me? Like it was gonna change ME? How did you see it playing out Carter, I knock on the door, she answers, she's surprised and angry, but I tell her how much I love her and miss her, and OH, by the way, I'm gonna be dead soon so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone?
Carter Chambers: Everyone's afraid to die alone.
Edward Cole: I'm not everyone! This was supposed to be fun. That's all it ever was.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: I'm proud of you.
Edward Cole: Nobody cares what you think.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I want my own room.
Thomas: You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: What are you doing here?
Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The sequel was like that. She never backed me up on anything.
Carter Chambers: The sequel?
Edward Cole: The second Mrs Edward Cole.
[Carter rolls his eyes]
Edward Cole: Hell, that woman hated me.
Kyle the parachutist: Maybe because you called her the sequel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Hollins: How are you doing?
Edward Cole: Dumb question.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Carter Chambers: I hate your rotten guts!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Forty-five years goes by pretty fast.
Edward Cole: Like smoke through a keyhole.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried on the mountain. And that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You're shitting me.
Carter Chambers: No, the cats beat me to it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Carter hands Edward an article about Kopi Luwak, Edward's favorite coffee.]
Carter Chambers: Read it.
Edward Cole: [reading] Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee. Though for some, it falls under the category of "too good to be true." In the Sumatran village, where the beans are grown, lives a breed of wild tree cat. These cats eat the beans, digest them and then... defecate.
[pauses]
Edward Cole: The villagers then collect and process the stools. It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat that give Kopi Luwac...
[Carter starts laughing]
Edward Cole: ... its unique flavor... and aroma. You're shitting me!
Carter Chambers: [laughing] Cats beat me to it!
[Carter and Edward both laugh hysterically.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You want some too? I'll have Thomas fix you a plate.
Carter Chambers: No thanks.
Edward Cole: You sure? Best in L.A.
[later, throwing up]
Carter Chambers: It ain't the best in L.A. no more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it.
Carter Chambers: Maybe because your head's in the way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Carter's obsessing over a car] You gonna drive it or buy it a dress?
Carter Chambers: Just getting to know each other.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Spoiler]
[about his daughter and her husband]
Edward Cole: The first time he hit her, she came to me. Wouldn't let me take care of it, said it was her fault, he'd had a rough day and too much to drink. The next time he hit her, she didn't come to me. The ex told me about it. So I wanted to be a good father, so I took care of it. I called a guy who called a guy who called his friends, they didn't kill him, what they did, I don't know, but he never bothered her again, and then she said I was dead to her.
[/Spoiler]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Is it Tommy or Thomas?
Thomas: It's Matthew, actually. He thought that was too biblical...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward, I've had baths that were deeper than you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: [in his letter to Edward] Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days trying to decide whether or not I should even write this. In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't, so here it goes. I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes-certain wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end. I suppose I'm responsible and for that, I'm sorry. But in all honestly, if I had the chance, I'd do it again. Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband; I owe that to you. There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me, so rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me-find the joy in your life. You once said you're not everyone. Well, that's true-you're certainly not everyone, but everyone is everyone. My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don't know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I've tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which is amazing when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers. I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me, but the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I'm deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another's lives, so one day, when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter's there to vouch for me and show me the ropes on the other side.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward Perryman Cole died in May. It was a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He was 81 years old. Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this: I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open, and I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place because he was buried on the mountain, and that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.
Carter Chambers: How are you going to do that?
Edward Cole: Volume!
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: Do you hate me?
Carter Chambers: Not yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: What are you so afraid of?
Edward Cole: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it!
Carter Chambers: Oh, like the lady in the bar?
Edward Cole: That's different.
Carter Chambers: Tell me how it's different.
Edward Cole: I build a billion dollar business up from NOTHING! Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty, and i'm supposed to make out like what? This trip was supposed to MEAN something to me? Like it was gonna change ME? How did you see it playing out Carter, I knock on the door, she answers, she's surprised and angry, but I tell her how much I love her and miss her, and OH, by the way, I'm gonna be dead soon so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone?
Carter Chambers: Everyone's afraid to die alone.
Edward Cole: I'm not everyone! This was supposed to be fun. That's all it ever was.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: I'm proud of you.
Edward Cole: Nobody cares what you think.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I want my own room.
Thomas: You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: What are you doing here?
Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The sequel was like that. She never backed me up on anything.
Carter Chambers: The sequel?
Edward Cole: The second Mrs Edward Cole.
[Carter rolls his eyes]
Edward Cole: Hell, that woman hated me.
Kyle the parachutist: Maybe because you called her the sequel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Hollins: How are you doing?
Edward Cole: Dumb question.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Carter Chambers: I hate your rotten guts!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Forty-five years goes by pretty fast.
Edward Cole: Like smoke through a keyhole.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried on the mountain. And that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You're shitting me.
Carter Chambers: No, the cats beat me to it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Carter hands Edward an article about Kopi Luwak, Edward's favorite coffee.]
Carter Chambers: Read it.
Edward Cole: [reading] Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee. Though for some, it falls under the category of "too good to be true." In the Sumatran village, where the beans are grown, lives a breed of wild tree cat. These cats eat the beans, digest them and then... defecate.
[pauses]
Edward Cole: The villagers then collect and process the stools. It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat that give Kopi Luwac...
[Carter starts laughing]
Edward Cole: ... its unique flavor... and aroma. You're shitting me!
Carter Chambers: [laughing] Cats beat me to it!
[Carter and Edward both laugh hysterically.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You want some too? I'll have Thomas fix you a plate.
Carter Chambers: No thanks.
Edward Cole: You sure? Best in L.A.
[later, throwing up]
Carter Chambers: It ain't the best in L.A. no more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it.
Carter Chambers: Maybe because your head's in the way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Carter's obsessing over a car] You gonna drive it or buy it a dress?
Carter Chambers: Just getting to know each other.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Spoiler]
[about his daughter and her husband]
Edward Cole: The first time he hit her, she came to me. Wouldn't let me take care of it, said it was her fault, he'd had a rough day and too much to drink. The next time he hit her, she didn't come to me. The ex told me about it. So I wanted to be a good father, so I took care of it. I called a guy who called a guy who called his friends, they didn't kill him, what they did, I don't know, but he never bothered her again, and then she said I was dead to her.
[/Spoiler]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Is it Tommy or Thomas?
Thomas: It's Matthew, actually. He thought that was too biblical...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward, I've had baths that were deeper than you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: [in his letter to Edward] Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days trying to decide whether or not I should even write this. In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't, so here it goes. I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes-certain wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end. I suppose I'm responsible and for that, I'm sorry. But in all honestly, if I had the chance, I'd do it again. Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband; I owe that to you. There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me, so rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me-find the joy in your life. You once said you're not everyone. Well, that's true-you're certainly not everyone, but everyone is everyone. My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don't know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I've tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which is amazing when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers. I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me, but the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I'm deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another's lives, so one day, when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter's there to vouch for me and show me the ropes on the other side.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward Perryman Cole died in May. It was a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He was 81 years old. Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this: I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open, and I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place because he was buried on the mountain, and that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.
Carter Chambers: How are you going to do that?
Edward Cole: Volume!
31.3.09
0
Naivete in art is like zero in a number; its importance depends on the figure united with .
The word of "naivete" is from western culture and its meaning is simple or pure.
Reaching for the Stars' may sound a little naive, but it is a thought in which I passionately believe； and maybe the world could use a little more naivete of that kind.
The word of "naivete" is from western culture and its meaning is simple or pure.
Reaching for the Stars' may sound a little naive, but it is a thought in which I passionately believe； and maybe the world could use a little more naivete of that kind.
Anniversary
I woke early this morning.
Today is the I first met him anniversary .
8 years has passed away since we met.I could get as far away from Tianjin as possible.
Then I met him, the boy in university .
Well, that did happen.
Together, I knew we were going places.
He and I had found our way out.
Friend
Proverbs Cancerning Friend and Friendship
Friendship is almost always the union of a part of one mind with a part of another;people are friends in spots.
Friendship is like a plant of slow growth.
A man knows his companion in a long journey and a little inn.
It is well that there is no one without a fault,for he would not have a friend in the world .
It is only the greathearted who can be true friends;the mean and the cowardly can never know what true friendship is.
Most men's friendships are too inarticulate.
No man can be happy without a friend,nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy.
Nothing makes the earth seem to spacious as to have friends at a distance;they make the latitudes and longitudes.
Of our mixed life two quests are given control: food for the body,friendship for the soul.
Old friends and old wine are best.
The best that we find in our travel is an honest friend.He is a fortunate voyager who finds many.
The more we love our friends,the less we flatter them.
The true friendship seeks to give,not take;to help,not to be helped;to minister,not to be ministered unto.
To prepare a friend,three things are required : to honour him present,praise him absent,and assist him in his necessarities.
Choose thy friends like thy books,few but choice.
My friend is not perfect---nor am I ---and so we suit each other admirably.
The friendship of a gentleman is insipid as water.
Friendship is almost always the union of a part of one mind with a part of another;people are friends in spots.
Friendship is like a plant of slow growth.
A man knows his companion in a long journey and a little inn.
It is well that there is no one without a fault,for he would not have a friend in the world .
It is only the greathearted who can be true friends;the mean and the cowardly can never know what true friendship is.
Most men's friendships are too inarticulate.
No man can be happy without a friend,nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy.
Nothing makes the earth seem to spacious as to have friends at a distance;they make the latitudes and longitudes.
Of our mixed life two quests are given control: food for the body,friendship for the soul.
Old friends and old wine are best.
The best that we find in our travel is an honest friend.He is a fortunate voyager who finds many.
The more we love our friends,the less we flatter them.
The true friendship seeks to give,not take;to help,not to be helped;to minister,not to be ministered unto.
To prepare a friend,three things are required : to honour him present,praise him absent,and assist him in his necessarities.
Choose thy friends like thy books,few but choice.
My friend is not perfect---nor am I ---and so we suit each other admirably.
The friendship of a gentleman is insipid as water.
30.3.09
Nothing can abash him.
If I had not known before that you were trying somehow to abash me I should know it now.
The entire metropolitan center possessed a high and mighty air calculated to overawe and abash the common applicant.
They laughed at order and at law, but the frown of power dejected, and the eye of wisdom abashed them.
The entire metropolitan center possessed a high and mighty air calculated to overawe and abash the common applicant.
They laughed at order and at law, but the frown of power dejected, and the eye of wisdom abashed them.
Brideshead Revisited
If you asked me now who I am, the only answer I could give with any certainty would be my name, Charles Ryder. For the rest, my loves, my hates, down even to my deepest desires, I can no longer say whether these emotions are my own or stolen from those I once so desperately wished to be. On second thoughts, one emotion remains my own, alone among the borrowed and the second-hand, as pure as that faith from which I am still in flight.
28.3.09
A man who use bad language will only abase himself.
Insomnolence
A troubled night of insomnolence. I'm sorry I was cross on last night.
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