28.4.09
27.4.09
26.4.09
25.4.09
24.4.09
Do not abandon yourself to despair.
Hope never abandons you , you abandon it.
Don't abandon one's beliefs or allegiances.
We should not abandon ourselves to pleasures.
Abandon harsh words, and speak pleasantly instead.
23.4.09
22.4.09
21.4.09
Embrace solitude instead of running from it.
Without its soul,without its wing.
Simple life, a saving of soul.
Simple life, a saving of soul.
When we are in the depths of our loneliness, what comforts us – what could possibly take us away from it? What, indeed? So often, it feels like there is no solace; like we are running from our own shadow. And it is true, in a way. There is no escape from being alone. We are always alone. But there is a way out of loneliness.
All our efforts at escaping loneliness are fundamentally flawed, for we don’t understand the nature of what we are running from. There is something beautiful about your loneliness. And when you see that, when you acknowledge it, learn to delight in it, that’s when something shifts inside you. When your loneliness becomes aloneness – that is freedom! That is when you can truly begin to Love!
Fragmentation and the search for wholeness
As Osho once said – the first thing is to acknowledge aloneness. Aloneness is our true nature; we can never, ever, not be alone. We come into this world alone, we leave the world alone. And in between these two, we are alone – but we frantically hide from it, run from it, pretend it isn’t true.
“Do you ever feel like you want to completely merge with another?” I remained silent. An old memory struck me, and I remembered feeling that same depth of loneliness, once, a long time ago. Or perhaps it never truly left me – an alienation so deep that the only way out truly seemed to be melting into another person.
Feeling cut-off in the middle of a lunchtime crowd, feeling alone when cuddling with a girlfriend; always on the outside looking in at life.
This alienation is the universal dilemma of human existence – never at ease, never at home. It drives almost everything we do. Loneliness and separation is an intrinsic, permanent part of our ego.
In the teachings of non-duality, the core of many religions and philosophies, the message is simple – we are all part of the infinite, ever-present, eternal One Life. We are all deeply interconnected and inseparable.
The ego, then, is the universal illusion, the exaggerated feeling of “I”, and the root of all our solitude. For the moment we feel we are “I”, that is the moment we have created the “Not-I”, the other, everything else. We become a fragment, cut off from the rest of existence. We become a dot in this world, forgotten by God.
This sense of fragmentation, for some – perhaps the ones who couldn’t laugh in the lecture hall – is conscious. It shows up as a deep and constant sense of not being whole, of not being enough.
For others, this sense is unconscious. They lack something, but they don’t know what it is. And so they seek, and strive, and struggle, yet all the time not knowing what it is they are trying to fill. More belongings, more sex, more status, more power, more recognition, more, more, more. Almost all their efforts stem from this drive for self-completion. But it is all futile – we are throwing our energies down a bottomless pit. That we are trying to fulfil is the very thing that is causing our lack.
Romance – the new alcohol
Romance is perhaps the most common cover-up for the sense of fragmentation. If we are lonely, it must make sense that we need a special someone! Logical and cold, like a business transaction. A boyfriend, a girlfriend, a lover, someone, anyone! We have reduced them to a mere cover up for our sorrows – no different from the misuse of alcohol, the noise of our television, or killing time on the phone until we can next be with someone – as if we have so much time to kill!
Sex is the closest we can get to oneness on a physical level, and that is why it is so deeply satisfying. And when we peer deeper into our heart, fragmentation shows up as a need to attach, to cling, to melt and to merge. How many people are conscious of this lack? How common is this primordial sense of alienation? Common enough to show up on a standardised psychological test.
And so we look for someone to take away that feeling. When we are with someone, we can take our mind off that background sense of disharmony. Suddenly, our existence seems to have meaning. “I am not alone!” You exclaim, as you cuddle, hug, and kiss. “I have someone who needs me, who wants me! I am beautiful, I am wanted, I am worthy! I am no longer alone!”
And yet, a mere cover-up is all they will ever be. Even when we are with our loved ones, we are still just as we are – alone.
The film focused in particular on the finest host in town – a charming man who owned his own bar. He was living the dream. His prowess with women made other men pale in comparison. He stole women away from their husbands and boyfriends. Women fought over him, sometimes physically, sometimes by throwing money at him, and he goes home with a different one every night. It seemed he would be the last man on Earth to feel alienated.
Near the end of the documentary, I remember the interviewer asking him if it was all worth it. He hangs his head and sighs. “It was all fun for the first few years. But after a while… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore. I am the loneliest man in the world.”
The beauty of aloneness, and the sorrow of loneliness
If romance and sex, if money and fame and recognition offer no relief, what does one do? When you are in the throes of heartache and loneliness, what good are the teachings on oneness and inter-existence? Unless you can experience what they are pointing to – how do they comfort you?
Pretty words to fill your head, and then you close the book and turn to look at your bed, and find it as cold and lonely as it was before. If we can never not be alone, what then? All I can offer is a change of perspective.
Another quote from Osho, then: Aloneness is beautiful, it is grand. Loneliness is sorrowful, it is despair.
On the surface, they look the same. But in reality, they are worlds apart.
Aloneness is our nature. Loneliness is us running away from it.
You are alone. Why make it into a problem? Relax into your loneliness; into your sadness. Don’t run from your aloneness, for it is always there. Celebrate being alone, delight in yourself, dance in your aloneness. If you can’t, then you will forever be running away. Love yourself. It is the only way.
Simply sit down, and be lonely. Don’t think about it. Just feel it. Relax into it, and then you’ll find that your sadness has its own sacredness. Being alone is the perfect chance for you to go deeper into yourself. See all your subtleties, face yourself squarely, and gaze at all the parts you don’t want to. Bring it all up into the light of your awareness, and accept them, love them.
We go off into the city, into the office, into the nightclubs, to run from our aloneness. The teachers, the gurus, the Zen masters – they go off into the mountains so they can get better acquainted with it.
So what? Then what? Once you delight in yourself, then – and only then – can you truly delight in the other. It’s a paradox, one of the biggest ones in the world. Only when you no longer need a lover; that is when you can find romance. Anything else is a sham, a pale imitation.
To be needed and to be loved
A sham. That’s what the entire game of romance is. Who is our “romance” really about? Us, and us alone. We say – I love you. But what we really mean is – Please love me. Manipulation is all it is.
Manipulation to fill our gaps, so we can feel loved, to feel needed. In fact, we have come to confuse the two words – being needed, to us, is the same as being in love!
A friend of mine was complaining to me about something very strange. Her husband had begun to discover the joys of aloneness. He had become meditative, more content and quietly joyful. He loved and laughed when he was with her, but he was also beginning to enjoy his solitary time. He was starting to see that there was nothing lacking, that he no longer needed her to feel complete.
He no longer needed her, and to her it felt like he was falling out of love. But he wasn’t – in fact, he was falling in love for the first time.
Neediness is so common that we think it’s a sign of romantic love. But neediness is simply that – neediness. And this need will never be satisfied, for nobody – no matter how sweet, handsome, beautiful, gentle, extravagant, and attentive – can ever love your ego the way it wants to be loved.
At most, you will be satisfied for a period of time – the “honeymoon” phase, when you are “in love”, when everything seems perfect and beautiful. Your existence seems to have meaning, for someone needs you and loves you.
Then one day your needs and insecurities – all symptoms of the basic, primordial sense of fragmentation - raise their heads again. Or maybe it just seems that way – they had always been there, we just forgot about them for a while. And that’s when the arguments start, for we think it is the fault of the other person.
“You were supposed to make me happy!” you cry. And the sweetness, the smiles and the kisses begin to swing the other way. We become sad; we attack them for not making us happy; we manipulate them into giving us more. Maybe they give in, and the pendulum swings back into sweetness. Maybe they don’t, and we break up in tears and anger. This even seems normal.
But it is not their fault. No one can take away our primordial sense of separation except us. But we don’t know that, and so we go on complaining and pulling strings. We forget that the only way to be satisfied is to be satisfied in yourself.
Lonely people cannot Love; they can only pretend to, for they have nothing to give. They only give a plastic love, in the hope that someone will give real Love in return. Everything becomes a giant game; a chess match.
But when you no longer need to be needed, when you truly stop wanting to be wanted, that’s when your loneliness changes into aloneness. And you begin to see Love.
Dedicated to all those who are or have been lonely and alienated.
The misunderstandings
1. Loneliness – it is separate from aloneness; two different things. Our physical nature is to be alone. We can never, not be alone. Even if we are having sex, we are still relatively physically separate. But that is not a problem, it only causes sorrow when we run away from it. When we run from our nature, we cause our own pangs of loneliness… but when we acknowledge and embrace our nature, we find the beauty of aloneness.
2. And from aloneness, that is the beginning of true Romance. I am not saying everybody fakes love – I’m saying lonely people do; for they cannot love if they need. Love is the opposite of need. Once you stop needing, that is when you can find love. There are many who do truly love; there are many who do not expect anything in return – but those are the souls who have found aloneness.
3. Once you have stopped being needy, which is what I have called aloneness, that is when you can truly go out into the world and find a proper romance and relationships. Otherwise, it is likely to be neediness, attachment - and not real love. That is all I am saying, I’ve stated that many times throughout the post - that real Love cannot come from loneliness. I am not saying we should all be alone forever, although there’s definitely nothing wrong with that.
20.4.09
Marriage
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.（Oscar Wilde）
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.（Anonymous）
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind（Anonymous）
Marriage isn't a word…… it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.（Anonymous）
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind（Anonymous）
Marriage isn't a word…… it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
It's raining here this morning.
Dreams
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
19.4.09
17.4.09
16.4.09
Is life really an empty dream?
If clouds are beings, and beings are clouds, are we not all well advised to drift, to feel the wind tucking us in here and plucking us out there?
14.4.09
13.4.09
I'm so tired
I had a hell of a time yesterday, making everything into a mess.
You're a mess, you'll have to change.
When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.
Only then did I realize it!
You're a mess, you'll have to change.
When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.
Only then did I realize it!
12.4.09
Our break are over
We walked more than six kilometers to east coast park yesterday.
I picked two sea shells, all the time i was toying with them.
Then we were caught in a very heavy shower of rain.
Standing under a pavilion, looking at ships loom through the fog on the sea.
Are we in the painting?
I picked two sea shells, all the time i was toying with them.
Then we were caught in a very heavy shower of rain.
Standing under a pavilion, looking at ships loom through the fog on the sea.
Are we in the painting?
9.4.09
It's a beautiful day.
Here came a comfortable wind.
I felt the wind blowing on my face from an open window.
I lived in comfort.
I felt the wind blowing on my face from an open window.
I lived in comfort.
8.4.09
The weather is good today.
All covet, all lose.
In doing we learn.
Learned men are not necessarily wise.
The more learned a man is, the more modest he usually is.
Never too old to learn.In doing we learn.
7.4.09
It has begun to rain.
It very often rains here in April.
Reason is the guide and light of life.
A wise person who is calm and rational, who lives a life of reason with equanimity and try not to let your heart rule your head.
Get control of(oneself,one's actions,one's emotions,etc)
Reason is the guide and light of life.
A wise person who is calm and rational, who lives a life of reason with equanimity and try not to let your heart rule your head.
Get control of(oneself,one's actions,one's emotions,etc)
6.4.09
Good Will Hunting
So, if I asked you about art, you\'d probably give me the skinny on Every art book ever written. Michelangelo. You know a lot about him: life\'s work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can\'t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You\'ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling…seen that. If I ask you about women, you\'ll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can\'t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You\'re a tough kid. And I ask you about war, you\'d probably, uh, throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more unto the breach, dear friends…" But you\'ve never been near one. You\'ve never held your best friend\'s head in your lap…and watched him gasp his last breath, lookin\' to you for help. I ask you about love, you\'ll probably quote me a sonnet. But you\'ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable……known someone that could level you with her eyes……feelin\' like God put an angel on earth just for you……who could rescue you from the depths of hell……and you wouldn\'t know what it\'s like to be her angel……to have that love for her, be there forever…through anything…through cancer. And you wouldn\'t know about sleeping sittin\' up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms "visiting hours" don\'t apply to you. You don\'t know about real loss……\'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself.I doubt you\'ve ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you.I don\'t see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared-shitless kid. But you\'re a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me, because you saw a painting of mine. You ripped my fuckin\' life apart. You\'re an orphan, right? Do you think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been? How you feel? Who you are? Because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don\'t give a shit about all that. Because you know what? I can\'t learn anything from you I can\'t read in some fuckin\' book. Unless, you wanna talk about you…who you are. Then I \'m fasci ated. I\'m in. But you don\'t want to do that, do you, sport? You\'re terrified of what you might say.
5.4.09
The Holiday
I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true.
Shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting.
Oh, what an extraordinary thought!
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I m more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.
I m constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, Love is blind.
Now that is something I know to be true.
For some, quite inexplicably, love fades.
For others, love is simply lost.
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there s another kind of love, the cruellest kind, the one that almost kills its victims.
It s called unrequited love.
"A fairy tale English cottageset in a tranquil country garden.
"Snuggle up by an old stone fireplaceand enjoy a cup of cocoa.
"An enchanting oasis of tranquilityin a quiet English hamlet.
Listen.
I know it's hard to believe peoplewhen they say, "I know how you feel,"
but I actually know how you feel.
Pathetic explanation, but, unfortunately,it's become a bit of a routine.
So how's it going so far?
I mean, up until I showed upand ruined your night.
Would you like something to drink?Glass of water?
Tea? Wine, maybe?
I think there's a bottle of brandy.
You fancy a glass?- Sure.
Good.
So, I'm sorry, I've totally blankedand forgotten your name.
I like corny.
I'm looking for corny in my life.
Shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting.
Oh, what an extraordinary thought!
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I m more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.
I m constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, Love is blind.
Now that is something I know to be true.
For some, quite inexplicably, love fades.
For others, love is simply lost.
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there s another kind of love, the cruellest kind, the one that almost kills its victims.
It s called unrequited love.
"A fairy tale English cottageset in a tranquil country garden.
"Snuggle up by an old stone fireplaceand enjoy a cup of cocoa.
"An enchanting oasis of tranquilityin a quiet English hamlet.
Listen.
I know it's hard to believe peoplewhen they say, "I know how you feel,"
but I actually know how you feel.
Pathetic explanation, but, unfortunately,it's become a bit of a routine.
So how's it going so far?
I mean, up until I showed upand ruined your night.
Would you like something to drink?Glass of water?
Tea? Wine, maybe?
I think there's a bottle of brandy.
You fancy a glass?- Sure.
Good.
So, I'm sorry, I've totally blankedand forgotten your name.
I like corny.
I'm looking for corny in my life.
4.4.09
Inkheart
You've been to Persia, then?
Yes, a hundred times.
Along with st.Petersburg,
Paris, middie earth, distant planets and shangri-la.
And I never had to leave this room.
Books are adventure.
They contain murder and mayhem and passion.
They love anyone who opens them.
You want to be a writer, don't you?
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
No, no. just a lonely thing.
The world you create on the page--
Seems more friendly and alive than the world you live in.
And you wish you could be there instead.
Yes, a hundred times.
Along with st.Petersburg,
Paris, middie earth, distant planets and shangri-la.
And I never had to leave this room.
Books are adventure.
They contain murder and mayhem and passion.
They love anyone who opens them.
You want to be a writer, don't you?
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
No, no. just a lonely thing.
The world you create on the page--
Seems more friendly and alive than the world you live in.
And you wish you could be there instead.
3.4.09
1900
Why the hell don't you get off?
Just once? One time?
See the world for yourself with your own eyes?
You ever think about it?
You could do anything you wanted to.
Why not?
God knows you can't spend the rest of your life traveling back and forth like some yo-yo.
The world is out there.
Nothing but a gangplank to cross.
And what's a gangplank? A few stupid steps.
Christ, everything is waiting at the bottom of those steps
Why don't you just do it, one time?
Why don't you just get off?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I think land people waste a lot of time wondering why.
Winter comes and you can't wait for summer.
Summer comes and you live in dread of winter.
That's way you never tire of traveling.
Always chasing someplace far away.
where it's always summer.
Doesn't sound like a good bet to me.
It's everything I leave behind Until a few years ago I know only my field.
The world for me started and ended there in that little piece of the land.
Maybe you can't understand but--
I understand perfectly.
I know someone went through something very similar.
But he ended up alone too.
Then he is more lucky than me.
And it's for her that I decide one day to fight against my bad luck and travel all over without a destination.
And then one day when I go through one of the many towns I never see before.
I come to a hill.
And then I see the most beautiful thing in my life.
The sea.
I never see it before.
It was like lightning hit me.
Because I hear the voice.
The voice of the sea?
Yeah, the voice of the sea.
The voice of the sea it is like a shout.
A shout big and strong screaming and screaming.
And the thing it was screaming was: life is immense can you understand that?
Immense.
I never think of it that way.
A revolution was in my head.
That's how I suddenly decide to change my life to start fresh.
Change life. Start fresh.
I'm getting off this ship。
I've got to see something down there.
The ocean.
But from here.
I want to see it from there.
It's not the same thing at all.
From land, you can hear its voice.
You don't hear that from a ship.
Its voice.
It's like a big scream telling you that life is immense.
Once you've heard it, then you know what you have to do to go on living.
I could stay here forever.
But the ocean would never tell me a thing.
But if I get off live on land for a couple of years 0then I'll be normal just like the others.
Then maybe one day,
I'll make it to the coast look up, see the ocean and hear it scream.
We'll watch the fireworks from the pier then we'll start from scratch.
Sometimes that's the way you have to do it.
You go right back to the beginning.
All that city,
You just couldn't see an end to it.
The end-- please?
You please just show me where it ends?
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me.
It was what I didn't see.
Understand?
What I didnt' see,
In all that srawling city there was everything except an end.
There was no end.
What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end.
The end of the world.
You take a piano.
Keys begin.
The keys end.
You know there are 88 of them.
Nobody can tell you any different.
They are not infinite.
You are infinite.
And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite.
I like that.
That I can live by.
You get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions and billions of keys that never end and that's the truth that they never end.
That keyboard is infinite.
And if that keyboard is infinite then there is no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano.
Christ, did you see the streets? Just the streets.
There were thousands of them.
How do you do it down there?
How do you choose just one?
One house.
One piece of land to call your own one landscape to look at one way to die?
All that world just weighing down on you.
You don't even know where it comes to an end.
I mean, aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it?
At the enormity of living it?
And the world passed me by.
You played out your happiness but on a piano that was not infinite
I learned to live that way.
Land?
Land is a ship too big for me
It's a woman too beautiful.
It's a voyage too long perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
At best,
I can step off my life.
After all.
I don't exist for anyone.
Just once? One time?
See the world for yourself with your own eyes?
You ever think about it?
You could do anything you wanted to.
Why not?
God knows you can't spend the rest of your life traveling back and forth like some yo-yo.
The world is out there.
Nothing but a gangplank to cross.
And what's a gangplank? A few stupid steps.
Christ, everything is waiting at the bottom of those steps
Why don't you just do it, one time?
Why don't you just get off?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I think land people waste a lot of time wondering why.
Winter comes and you can't wait for summer.
Summer comes and you live in dread of winter.
That's way you never tire of traveling.
Always chasing someplace far away.
where it's always summer.
Doesn't sound like a good bet to me.
It's everything I leave behind Until a few years ago I know only my field.
The world for me started and ended there in that little piece of the land.
Maybe you can't understand but--
I understand perfectly.
I know someone went through something very similar.
But he ended up alone too.
Then he is more lucky than me.
And it's for her that I decide one day to fight against my bad luck and travel all over without a destination.
And then one day when I go through one of the many towns I never see before.
I come to a hill.
And then I see the most beautiful thing in my life.
The sea.
I never see it before.
It was like lightning hit me.
Because I hear the voice.
The voice of the sea?
Yeah, the voice of the sea.
The voice of the sea it is like a shout.
A shout big and strong screaming and screaming.
And the thing it was screaming was: life is immense can you understand that?
Immense.
I never think of it that way.
A revolution was in my head.
That's how I suddenly decide to change my life to start fresh.
Change life. Start fresh.
I'm getting off this ship。
I've got to see something down there.
The ocean.
But from here.
I want to see it from there.
It's not the same thing at all.
From land, you can hear its voice.
You don't hear that from a ship.
Its voice.
It's like a big scream telling you that life is immense.
Once you've heard it, then you know what you have to do to go on living.
I could stay here forever.
But the ocean would never tell me a thing.
But if I get off live on land for a couple of years 0then I'll be normal just like the others.
Then maybe one day,
I'll make it to the coast look up, see the ocean and hear it scream.
We'll watch the fireworks from the pier then we'll start from scratch.
Sometimes that's the way you have to do it.
You go right back to the beginning.
All that city,
You just couldn't see an end to it.
The end-- please?
You please just show me where it ends?
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me.
It was what I didn't see.
Understand?
What I didnt' see,
In all that srawling city there was everything except an end.
There was no end.
What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end.
The end of the world.
You take a piano.
Keys begin.
The keys end.
You know there are 88 of them.
Nobody can tell you any different.
They are not infinite.
You are infinite.
And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite.
I like that.
That I can live by.
You get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions and billions of keys that never end and that's the truth that they never end.
That keyboard is infinite.
And if that keyboard is infinite then there is no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano.
Christ, did you see the streets? Just the streets.
There were thousands of them.
How do you do it down there?
How do you choose just one?
One house.
One piece of land to call your own one landscape to look at one way to die?
All that world just weighing down on you.
You don't even know where it comes to an end.
I mean, aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it?
At the enormity of living it?
And the world passed me by.
You played out your happiness but on a piano that was not infinite
I learned to live that way.
Land?
Land is a ship too big for me
It's a woman too beautiful.
It's a voyage too long perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
At best,
I can step off my life.
After all.
I don't exist for anyone.
It's a fine day.
I want everyone to butt out of my life.
I can make of my life anything i wish.
I Believe I Can Fly
i used to think that i could not go wrong
and life was nothing but that an awful song
but now i know the meaning of true love
i'm leaning on the everlasting arms
if i can see it, then i can do it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
see i was on the verge of breaking down
sometimes inside us, it can seem so long
there are miracles in life i must achieve
but first i know it starts inside of me
could i believe in it?
if i can see it, then i can be it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
I can make of my life anything i wish.
I Believe I Can Fly
i used to think that i could not go wrong
and life was nothing but that an awful song
but now i know the meaning of true love
i'm leaning on the everlasting arms
if i can see it, then i can do it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
see i was on the verge of breaking down
sometimes inside us, it can seem so long
there are miracles in life i must achieve
but first i know it starts inside of me
could i believe in it?
if i can see it, then i can be it
if i just believe it, there's nothing to it
i believe i can fly
i believe i can touch the sky
i think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
i believe i can soar
i see me running through that open door
i believe i can fly
i believe i can fly
oh i believe i can fly
2.4.09
It's a nice day.
Honey fried fish chip before go to woke.
Experience teaches.
Experience does it.
Experience is the mother of wisdom.
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools learn in no other.
Experience keeps no school, she teaches her pupils singly.
Experience teaches.
Experience does it.
Experience is the mother of wisdom.
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools learn in no other.
Experience keeps no school, she teaches her pupils singly.
1.4.09
The Bucket List
Carter Chambers：You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: Do you hate me?
Carter Chambers: Not yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: What are you so afraid of?
Edward Cole: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it!
Carter Chambers: Oh, like the lady in the bar?
Edward Cole: That's different.
Carter Chambers: Tell me how it's different.
Edward Cole: I build a billion dollar business up from NOTHING! Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty, and i'm supposed to make out like what? This trip was supposed to MEAN something to me? Like it was gonna change ME? How did you see it playing out Carter, I knock on the door, she answers, she's surprised and angry, but I tell her how much I love her and miss her, and OH, by the way, I'm gonna be dead soon so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone?
Carter Chambers: Everyone's afraid to die alone.
Edward Cole: I'm not everyone! This was supposed to be fun. That's all it ever was.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: I'm proud of you.
Edward Cole: Nobody cares what you think.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I want my own room.
Thomas: You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: What are you doing here?
Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The sequel was like that. She never backed me up on anything.
Carter Chambers: The sequel?
Edward Cole: The second Mrs Edward Cole.
[Carter rolls his eyes]
Edward Cole: Hell, that woman hated me.
Kyle the parachutist: Maybe because you called her the sequel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Hollins: How are you doing?
Edward Cole: Dumb question.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Carter Chambers: I hate your rotten guts!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Forty-five years goes by pretty fast.
Edward Cole: Like smoke through a keyhole.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried on the mountain. And that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You're shitting me.
Carter Chambers: No, the cats beat me to it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Carter hands Edward an article about Kopi Luwak, Edward's favorite coffee.]
Carter Chambers: Read it.
Edward Cole: [reading] Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee. Though for some, it falls under the category of "too good to be true." In the Sumatran village, where the beans are grown, lives a breed of wild tree cat. These cats eat the beans, digest them and then... defecate.
[pauses]
Edward Cole: The villagers then collect and process the stools. It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat that give Kopi Luwac...
[Carter starts laughing]
Edward Cole: ... its unique flavor... and aroma. You're shitting me!
Carter Chambers: [laughing] Cats beat me to it!
[Carter and Edward both laugh hysterically.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You want some too? I'll have Thomas fix you a plate.
Carter Chambers: No thanks.
Edward Cole: You sure? Best in L.A.
[later, throwing up]
Carter Chambers: It ain't the best in L.A. no more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it.
Carter Chambers: Maybe because your head's in the way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Carter's obsessing over a car] You gonna drive it or buy it a dress?
Carter Chambers: Just getting to know each other.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Spoiler]
[about his daughter and her husband]
Edward Cole: The first time he hit her, she came to me. Wouldn't let me take care of it, said it was her fault, he'd had a rough day and too much to drink. The next time he hit her, she didn't come to me. The ex told me about it. So I wanted to be a good father, so I took care of it. I called a guy who called a guy who called his friends, they didn't kill him, what they did, I don't know, but he never bothered her again, and then she said I was dead to her.
[/Spoiler]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Is it Tommy or Thomas?
Thomas: It's Matthew, actually. He thought that was too biblical...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward, I've had baths that were deeper than you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: [in his letter to Edward] Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days trying to decide whether or not I should even write this. In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't, so here it goes. I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes-certain wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end. I suppose I'm responsible and for that, I'm sorry. But in all honestly, if I had the chance, I'd do it again. Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband; I owe that to you. There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me, so rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me-find the joy in your life. You once said you're not everyone. Well, that's true-you're certainly not everyone, but everyone is everyone. My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don't know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I've tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which is amazing when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers. I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me, but the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I'm deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another's lives, so one day, when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter's there to vouch for me and show me the ropes on the other side.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward Perryman Cole died in May. It was a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He was 81 years old. Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this: I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open, and I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place because he was buried on the mountain, and that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.
Carter Chambers: How are you going to do that?
Edward Cole: Volume!
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Edward Cole: Do you hate me?
Carter Chambers: Not yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: What are you so afraid of?
Edward Cole: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it!
Carter Chambers: Oh, like the lady in the bar?
Edward Cole: That's different.
Carter Chambers: Tell me how it's different.
Edward Cole: I build a billion dollar business up from NOTHING! Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty, and i'm supposed to make out like what? This trip was supposed to MEAN something to me? Like it was gonna change ME? How did you see it playing out Carter, I knock on the door, she answers, she's surprised and angry, but I tell her how much I love her and miss her, and OH, by the way, I'm gonna be dead soon so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone?
Carter Chambers: Everyone's afraid to die alone.
Edward Cole: I'm not everyone! This was supposed to be fun. That's all it ever was.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: I'm proud of you.
Edward Cole: Nobody cares what you think.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I want my own room.
Thomas: You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas: What are you doing here?
Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The sequel was like that. She never backed me up on anything.
Carter Chambers: The sequel?
Edward Cole: The second Mrs Edward Cole.
[Carter rolls his eyes]
Edward Cole: Hell, that woman hated me.
Kyle the parachutist: Maybe because you called her the sequel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Hollins: How are you doing?
Edward Cole: Dumb question.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from trailer]
Carter Chambers: I hate your rotten guts!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Forty-five years goes by pretty fast.
Edward Cole: Like smoke through a keyhole.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried on the mountain. And that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You're shitting me.
Carter Chambers: No, the cats beat me to it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Carter hands Edward an article about Kopi Luwak, Edward's favorite coffee.]
Carter Chambers: Read it.
Edward Cole: [reading] Kopi Luwak is the world's most expensive coffee. Though for some, it falls under the category of "too good to be true." In the Sumatran village, where the beans are grown, lives a breed of wild tree cat. These cats eat the beans, digest them and then... defecate.
[pauses]
Edward Cole: The villagers then collect and process the stools. It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat that give Kopi Luwac...
[Carter starts laughing]
Edward Cole: ... its unique flavor... and aroma. You're shitting me!
Carter Chambers: [laughing] Cats beat me to it!
[Carter and Edward both laugh hysterically.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: You want some too? I'll have Thomas fix you a plate.
Carter Chambers: No thanks.
Edward Cole: You sure? Best in L.A.
[later, throwing up]
Carter Chambers: It ain't the best in L.A. no more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: I envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it.
Carter Chambers: Maybe because your head's in the way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Carter's obsessing over a car] You gonna drive it or buy it a dress?
Carter Chambers: Just getting to know each other.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: [Spoiler]
[about his daughter and her husband]
Edward Cole: The first time he hit her, she came to me. Wouldn't let me take care of it, said it was her fault, he'd had a rough day and too much to drink. The next time he hit her, she didn't come to me. The ex told me about it. So I wanted to be a good father, so I took care of it. I called a guy who called a guy who called his friends, they didn't kill him, what they did, I don't know, but he never bothered her again, and then she said I was dead to her.
[/Spoiler]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Somewhere, some lucky guy's having a heart attack.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Is it Tommy or Thomas?
Thomas: It's Matthew, actually. He thought that was too biblical...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward, I've had baths that were deeper than you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: [in his letter to Edward] Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days trying to decide whether or not I should even write this. In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't, so here it goes. I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes-certain wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end. I suppose I'm responsible and for that, I'm sorry. But in all honestly, if I had the chance, I'd do it again. Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband; I owe that to you. There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me, so rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me-find the joy in your life. You once said you're not everyone. Well, that's true-you're certainly not everyone, but everyone is everyone. My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don't know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I've tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which is amazing when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers. I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me, but the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I'm deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it's safe to say that we brought some joy to one another's lives, so one day, when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter's there to vouch for me and show me the ropes on the other side.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carter Chambers: Edward Perryman Cole died in May. It was a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He was 81 years old. Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this: I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open, and I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place because he was buried on the mountain, and that was against the law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Cole: Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.
Carter Chambers: How are you going to do that?
Edward Cole: Volume!
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