6.11.09
18.10.09
Ambition
We do not choose to be born.
We do not choose our parents.
We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing.
We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time or conditions of our death.
But within all this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we shall live: courageously or in cowardice, honorably or dishonorably, with purpose or in drift.
We decide what is important and what is trivial in life.
We decide that what makes us significant is either what we do or what we refuse to do.
But no matter how indifferent the universe may be to our choices and decisions, these choices and decisions are ours to make.
We decide. We choose.
And as we decide and choose, so are our lives formed.
In the end, forming our own destiny is what ambition is about.
We do not choose our parents.
We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing.
We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time or conditions of our death.
But within all this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we shall live: courageously or in cowardice, honorably or dishonorably, with purpose or in drift.
We decide what is important and what is trivial in life.
We decide that what makes us significant is either what we do or what we refuse to do.
But no matter how indifferent the universe may be to our choices and decisions, these choices and decisions are ours to make.
We decide. We choose.
And as we decide and choose, so are our lives formed.
In the end, forming our own destiny is what ambition is about.
14.10.09
View From The Top
Every story starts somewhere.
And mine begins in a small town called Silver Springs, Nevada.
I do remember my wish.
That I could get as far away from Silver Springs as possible.
Well, that didn't happen.
I still had my mind on a different life beyond Silver Springs.
Then I met Tommy,
Together, I knew we were going places.
No matter how much I love that sleepy little town,
none of my dreams were waiting down there.
They were waiting up there.
And frankly, people, no matter where you're from,
no matter who people think you are,
you can be whatever you want.
But you got to start right now.
Right this second, in fact.
And mine begins in a small town called Silver Springs, Nevada.
I do remember my wish.
That I could get as far away from Silver Springs as possible.
Well, that didn't happen.
I still had my mind on a different life beyond Silver Springs.
Then I met Tommy,
Together, I knew we were going places.
No matter how much I love that sleepy little town,
none of my dreams were waiting down there.
They were waiting up there.
And frankly, people, no matter where you're from,
no matter who people think you are,
you can be whatever you want.
But you got to start right now.
Right this second, in fact.
12.10.09
所有问题的反思
zero给了我两天时间让我反思从认识到现在发生的所有问题，而我只写了根本原因而没有每件事情都具体的解释和反省，昨天下午看完 zero写的东西，和她谈话后我错误的认为不需要再每件事情都写下来，而是把重心放在如何解决zero的心理问题，让她摆脱过去不好的事情 。
不过反过来想我把每件事情都反省，检讨不也正是帮助zero解决问题的方法吗？我需要把她的心结解开，而反省每件我做错的事情是目前最 直接有效的方法了。（我说了n遍，好几天，他才明白过来）
1、第一次见面的时候只是自己买可乐喝，没给zero也买。第一次和女生约会没有经验，自己来早了，钱包里也没多少钱，提前好几站下车，路上跑了好长时间，路过的前几个ATM机都出问题，很热很渴 就只买了一杯可乐喝，还有就是不知道zero喜欢喝什么，所以没买。
更好的做法是应该等到zero来了以后一起去买，或者我提前把zero的那份也买了，这样她就会更高兴和感动。
2、不应该直接告诉zero我要考研这件事情，就算我计划的很好，也考虑到考研后怎么和zero相处，但是这样直接告诉她会让她落差太大，一 时无法接受。而我当时只是想把自己的想法告诉她，而没考虑到她的感受，她能否接受。
更好的方法是换一种她容易接受的委婉的方式告诉她，或者和她商量分析后再做出决定。因为我选择考研后和zero相处并没有什么变化，暑假 上培训班，zero心情不好时会先去找她然后再去上课。开学以后也会像以前一样经常去找她，也许当时出国工作考研会是更好的选择，但是当时眼界很窄，没这么考虑过。
3、zero第一次怀孕，不是因为不懂得避孕，因为第一次亲密没有进去时我就在宿舍的自动售货机买了避孕套。而那次是因为我们控制不住在 没有准备避孕套的情况下就亲密了。
更好的做法是无论多么想亲密，在没有避孕措施的情况下都要忍住，尤其是我更应该坚持住不亲密。 或者是更好的调节，有很多书里介绍了方法，例如多在户外活动，多接触自然，提高、扩大情趣……
4、zero第一次手术后出血，打电话让我陪她，我不应该先去剪头。她当时很害怕，心理上很需要我，而我没能尽快出现在她身边。我心里也很害怕，担心zero 会出事，但我却选择了先剪头来让自己平静，没考虑zero当时的感受，她最需要什么。
更好的做法是我应该直接去找zero，看看具体什么情况，然后再去医院问问医生会不会出什么问题。
5、学校时的那件事，当时太年轻，不了解女人的心理，更何况抑郁状态下的不成熟的心理。不了解她当时的心理和精神状态，只是心里绝对相信 她说的话，楼上楼下转了好几次都没进去阻止，怕她认为我不相信她，而是期待她能自己回来，只是在那里等待，很不成熟的恋爱心理。
更好的做法是清楚她当时状态不好，就应该不管她怎么说都强硬的阻止她。应该之前好好爱她关心她，让她有美好的感觉，就不会发展到这一步。 根本原因不是我不爱zero，而是没能更好的去爱她，否则当时就会分开了，也不会后来经常想起这件事就会很难受。
一次zero晚上从我学校回家，还下雨了，她想让我送她回去，但是我由于转天有课堂考试就没送她回去。下雨了，下车后的路还很黑，zero会害怕，而我没有考虑他的感受。
更好的做法是送zero回家，可能的话再坐车回来。或者安排好时间，如果转天有考试就可以安排提前一天见面。
6、毕业后没和zero登记结婚，我当时的想法是自己什么都没有还欠着外债，怕登记后自己出什么事情就把zero耽误了。想事业有些成绩，买 完房子后再和zero登记，这样即使我有什么意外，zero经济上也有些依靠。
更好的做法是多考虑一下zero当时的感受，她当时特别想登记结婚，我不应该考虑当时自己的经济情况是否适合结婚，应该先和zero登记再一起计划以后的生活，出国或者其他的路。
7、工作后没和zero租房子，zero当时在家呆不下去，还在我家呆了快一年，我父母经常让她不高兴，我当时的想法还是尽快攒钱买房子，好让zero彻底离开她父母家，而没考虑到她当时急切的想离开家自己住的想法。
更好的做法时可以选择出国或者去别的城市发展，就算是在公司附近租个房子，每月也不会开销太多，但是zero的心情会好很多。
又一次zero和我一起去我家，和我父母有了争执，我父亲说我们的时候我只是坐在zero后面的床上，什么话也没说。也许我习惯了父母说我的时候不理他们也不争论，但是让zero很难受。
更好的做法是应该先送zero回去，父母说的不对的地方应该当面指出来而不是不理睬。
有一次zero和我父母发生矛盾，zero问我选择她还是我父母，我没有考虑到当时zero心理很难受，脆弱需要听到我选择她的决定来安慰她，而说谁也不选择。
更好的做法是应该马上说选择zero，这样能给她很大的安慰和支持。而且虽然我说谁也不选择，后来的行动还是选择了zero的。
8、有时工作很紧张很忙时就只想工作忽略了zero的感受，当时因为还欠着债，想努力工作赚钱，害怕工作表现不好会被辞掉，没考虑到zero 难受时需要我陪在她身边。一次zero很难受打电话给我说如果我不去找她就去死，而我害怕任务没完成会丢掉工作，当时没答应。
更好的做法时zero难受需要我的时候就应该去陪她，工作可以放在zero心情好以后，特别紧急的工作也可以晚上做。
9、一次和肖志斌出去吃饭，谈到佛，他说只有学历低的人才信佛，zero就和争他论起来，当时我对佛了解不多，认为zero很了解佛应该能说服肖志斌就没参与讨论。后来气氛很紧张，当时我只想不让他们吵起来，正好zero回头看我就和zero说不该说最后的一句话，虽然肖志斌转天和zero道歉了，但还是让zero很难受。
更好的做法是当讨论的气氛不好时，我应该巧妙的转换话题，再矛盾产生之前就化解掉。
10、刚买完房子里面连床都没有的时候不应该让zero住进去，以她的性格肯定会收拾房子，会很累还休息不好。而我只是认为她想离开家就没 考虑新房的条件就让她住了进去。
更好的做法是即使她很想离开家搬进去，也要等有了床能好好休息时再住进去。
11、没按照zero喜欢的方式向她求婚，我当时想的是在厅里用玫瑰摆成一个心的形状，然后和zero在里面跳舞，同时向zero求婚。
更好的方法是zero之前透露想出去旅游，我就应该周末时跟团去旅游，然后在风景很美的地方向她求婚，zero一定会很幸福。
12、家里进小偷那次，zero心理受到刺激，很害怕，她父母正好来看她。我也给我父母打电话让他们来看看zero，关心安慰她，结果没达到我预期的效果，反而一起吃饭时我爸说的话让zero很难受。
更好的做法时，zero心理很难受应该让她和父母回家好好休息缓解，我在家盯着把窗户弄好，等zero心情好了后再把她接回来。
13、去泰国旅游，别人问我们是做什么的时候，我只说我工作，当时想说zero在家工作的，结果被对方打断，让别人认为zero在家带孩子。zero在家弄网站，就是在工作，而我当时却把出去上班和soho分开想，让zero被别人误解。
更好的做法是直接回答都工作，别人也不会有别的想法了。
14、办事前布置新房，本来是想让二姑她们按照我们的意愿布置的，结果发现没有按照我们的想法，zero很不高兴，我就给我妈和二姑打电话说不让她们布置了，弄得都很不愉快。后来zero照顾我家人的感受同意了让二姑布置，我没再考虑zero的真实想法也就同意了。zero也帮着一起干活，很累，以后zero经常回想起这件事而痛苦难受睡不好觉。
更好的做法是当发现二姑不能按我们的要求布置的时候就应该不让她们布置了，她们受累了，zero也很累，却还没让我们满意。
15、去新马旅游回来时在樟宜机场上网没陪zero，当时陪zero在机场免税店遛了一圈以后，觉得没有什么可看的，我就上网本来想去查一下天津的天气，zero说她去看电视，结果我就一直在上网两个小时，忽略了陪zero。
更好的做法是应该一直陪在zero身边，陪她遛，遇到喜欢的东西还能买给她，而网什么时候都可以上。
从新马旅游回来在回天津的火车上，我没注意到快到站了，很想去厕所，于是站起来就走了。没有考虑到zero可能也想去，但是她离开的话东西就没人看了。结果我回来时进站了，zero也没时间去厕所了。
更好的做法时，我去之前应该问zero，看她是否也要去，应该让她先去，或者把重要的东西随身带着两个人一起去。
16、结婚以后的那件事，当时觉得zero一直闷在家里，想给她一定的自由，不想让她像笼子里的鸟一样。所以同意她和别人接触，聊天，没有很仔细的问，想尊重她的隐私，不过分干预她的自由。把她有时很痛苦当成和以前一样没有特别在意，没有更好的关心她。对于她说的话，正常的好的就记在心里，不好的就以为她是在开玩笑没有当真，只是忙于准备出国的事情和工作，结果去成都出差期间发生了这些事情。
更好的做法是，zero还是个小姑娘，她有时做的事情未必是她真正想做的，尤其是她状态很差的时候，这时我就应该及时制止她，而不是听信她说什么都不会发生，能控制好就放心的做别的事情。
17、来新加坡前开始是我们一起打包，后来zero觉得没弄好就重新弄，我觉得她整理东西家务方面比我强很多，就去查出国的事情，没和她一起打包。
更好的方法是我们一起打包，毕竟一个人能够想到的东西是有限的，我们一起整理就会把不该带的拿掉，把该带的带上。
18、来新加坡时从我家走的，结果我们前一天就坐车到我家，zero晚上又回她家，转天再来我家，然后出发去机场，她很折腾很累，还没吃上茴香陷的饺子。
更好的做法是到我家时zero不下车，回她家，然后在机场集合。
19、晚上不应该在居士林让zero吃馊了的饭，我当时想走了这么远，zero又很想吃就只说了一次不吃，而没有一直坚持。
更好的做法是，去之前就应该想到已经那么晚了，饭肯定不好了，就应该坚持回家而不去居士林。
20、zero的泳衣变得很薄，而且有些漏点了，有几次路过卖泳衣的店，我让zero买，她都说不喜欢，家里的还能凑活穿，我就没坚持让她买。
更好的做法是我不应该管zero怎么说，她也许是嫌贵怕花钱而说不喜欢。但我知道她需要泳衣，那么一起遛的时候就应该坚持让她买，或者我自己去按照她的尺寸买来送给她。
有一次周末洗完床单以后需要抖一下才能晾上，开始我和zero一起上楼把床单吊到外面抖，但是我的手伸的不够靠外，床单碰到电表盒上了，zero很生气就说不让我弄了，我就下楼看电视了。让zero一个人在楼上抖床单。
更好的做法是zero不让我弄我也不应该下楼，床单很沉，zero踮着脚尖很费劲的才能伸到外面，我应该继续帮她抖而不是下楼。
3号下午zero网络不稳定，问我怎么处理，我和她说开关一下路由器，结果让zero误认为是弄路由器上的开关，路由器上没有开关，zero找了半天没找到。
更好的做法是我应该说具体一点，是开关一下路由器连着的电源插座的开关，zero就能明白了。
21、那天晚上和zero争吵到最后不应该跳下来，给自己和zero都带来了很大的痛苦。zero很难受而且说我的时候，我就会陷入一种很难受的状态，变得不知所措，不知道该怎么对待zero，我抖床单的时候发现zero的头绳掉下去了，当时脑子很混乱，很傻的想跳下去捡头绳，为后来的事情埋下了伏笔。之后zero说了一些让我非常痛苦无法接受的话，我就一时糊涂跳了下去。
更好的做法是我回家之前应该买些吃的，让zero不再生气。她狂喝了十几袋咖啡的时候应该及时制止她。她说我不给她买衣服时，不应该说这是天性什么的，应该直接说一会儿我就去给你买，zero就不会那么难受，我也不会跳下去了。
每个人都会犯错误，重要的是你是否进行了深刻的反思和检讨，从错误中学到了什么，如何避免以后再犯同样的错误。
不过反过来想我把每件事情都反省，检讨不也正是帮助zero解决问题的方法吗？我需要把她的心结解开，而反省每件我做错的事情是目前最 直接有效的方法了。（我说了n遍，好几天，他才明白过来）
1、第一次见面的时候只是自己买可乐喝，没给zero也买。第一次和女生约会没有经验，自己来早了，钱包里也没多少钱，提前好几站下车，路上跑了好长时间，路过的前几个ATM机都出问题，很热很渴 就只买了一杯可乐喝，还有就是不知道zero喜欢喝什么，所以没买。
更好的做法是应该等到zero来了以后一起去买，或者我提前把zero的那份也买了，这样她就会更高兴和感动。
2、不应该直接告诉zero我要考研这件事情，就算我计划的很好，也考虑到考研后怎么和zero相处，但是这样直接告诉她会让她落差太大，一 时无法接受。而我当时只是想把自己的想法告诉她，而没考虑到她的感受，她能否接受。
更好的方法是换一种她容易接受的委婉的方式告诉她，或者和她商量分析后再做出决定。因为我选择考研后和zero相处并没有什么变化，暑假 上培训班，zero心情不好时会先去找她然后再去上课。开学以后也会像以前一样经常去找她，也许当时出国工作考研会是更好的选择，但是当时眼界很窄，没这么考虑过。
3、zero第一次怀孕，不是因为不懂得避孕，因为第一次亲密没有进去时我就在宿舍的自动售货机买了避孕套。而那次是因为我们控制不住在 没有准备避孕套的情况下就亲密了。
更好的做法是无论多么想亲密，在没有避孕措施的情况下都要忍住，尤其是我更应该坚持住不亲密。 或者是更好的调节，有很多书里介绍了方法，例如多在户外活动，多接触自然，提高、扩大情趣……
4、zero第一次手术后出血，打电话让我陪她，我不应该先去剪头。她当时很害怕，心理上很需要我，而我没能尽快出现在她身边。我心里也很害怕，担心zero 会出事，但我却选择了先剪头来让自己平静，没考虑zero当时的感受，她最需要什么。
更好的做法是我应该直接去找zero，看看具体什么情况，然后再去医院问问医生会不会出什么问题。
5、学校时的那件事，当时太年轻，不了解女人的心理，更何况抑郁状态下的不成熟的心理。不了解她当时的心理和精神状态，只是心里绝对相信 她说的话，楼上楼下转了好几次都没进去阻止，怕她认为我不相信她，而是期待她能自己回来，只是在那里等待，很不成熟的恋爱心理。
更好的做法是清楚她当时状态不好，就应该不管她怎么说都强硬的阻止她。应该之前好好爱她关心她，让她有美好的感觉，就不会发展到这一步。 根本原因不是我不爱zero，而是没能更好的去爱她，否则当时就会分开了，也不会后来经常想起这件事就会很难受。
一次zero晚上从我学校回家，还下雨了，她想让我送她回去，但是我由于转天有课堂考试就没送她回去。下雨了，下车后的路还很黑，zero会害怕，而我没有考虑他的感受。
更好的做法是送zero回家，可能的话再坐车回来。或者安排好时间，如果转天有考试就可以安排提前一天见面。
6、毕业后没和zero登记结婚，我当时的想法是自己什么都没有还欠着外债，怕登记后自己出什么事情就把zero耽误了。想事业有些成绩，买 完房子后再和zero登记，这样即使我有什么意外，zero经济上也有些依靠。
更好的做法是多考虑一下zero当时的感受，她当时特别想登记结婚，我不应该考虑当时自己的经济情况是否适合结婚，应该先和zero登记再一起计划以后的生活，出国或者其他的路。
7、工作后没和zero租房子，zero当时在家呆不下去，还在我家呆了快一年，我父母经常让她不高兴，我当时的想法还是尽快攒钱买房子，好让zero彻底离开她父母家，而没考虑到她当时急切的想离开家自己住的想法。
更好的做法时可以选择出国或者去别的城市发展，就算是在公司附近租个房子，每月也不会开销太多，但是zero的心情会好很多。
又一次zero和我一起去我家，和我父母有了争执，我父亲说我们的时候我只是坐在zero后面的床上，什么话也没说。也许我习惯了父母说我的时候不理他们也不争论，但是让zero很难受。
更好的做法是应该先送zero回去，父母说的不对的地方应该当面指出来而不是不理睬。
有一次zero和我父母发生矛盾，zero问我选择她还是我父母，我没有考虑到当时zero心理很难受，脆弱需要听到我选择她的决定来安慰她，而说谁也不选择。
更好的做法是应该马上说选择zero，这样能给她很大的安慰和支持。而且虽然我说谁也不选择，后来的行动还是选择了zero的。
8、有时工作很紧张很忙时就只想工作忽略了zero的感受，当时因为还欠着债，想努力工作赚钱，害怕工作表现不好会被辞掉，没考虑到zero 难受时需要我陪在她身边。一次zero很难受打电话给我说如果我不去找她就去死，而我害怕任务没完成会丢掉工作，当时没答应。
更好的做法时zero难受需要我的时候就应该去陪她，工作可以放在zero心情好以后，特别紧急的工作也可以晚上做。
9、一次和肖志斌出去吃饭，谈到佛，他说只有学历低的人才信佛，zero就和争他论起来，当时我对佛了解不多，认为zero很了解佛应该能说服肖志斌就没参与讨论。后来气氛很紧张，当时我只想不让他们吵起来，正好zero回头看我就和zero说不该说最后的一句话，虽然肖志斌转天和zero道歉了，但还是让zero很难受。
更好的做法是当讨论的气氛不好时，我应该巧妙的转换话题，再矛盾产生之前就化解掉。
10、刚买完房子里面连床都没有的时候不应该让zero住进去，以她的性格肯定会收拾房子，会很累还休息不好。而我只是认为她想离开家就没 考虑新房的条件就让她住了进去。
更好的做法是即使她很想离开家搬进去，也要等有了床能好好休息时再住进去。
11、没按照zero喜欢的方式向她求婚，我当时想的是在厅里用玫瑰摆成一个心的形状，然后和zero在里面跳舞，同时向zero求婚。
更好的方法是zero之前透露想出去旅游，我就应该周末时跟团去旅游，然后在风景很美的地方向她求婚，zero一定会很幸福。
12、家里进小偷那次，zero心理受到刺激，很害怕，她父母正好来看她。我也给我父母打电话让他们来看看zero，关心安慰她，结果没达到我预期的效果，反而一起吃饭时我爸说的话让zero很难受。
更好的做法时，zero心理很难受应该让她和父母回家好好休息缓解，我在家盯着把窗户弄好，等zero心情好了后再把她接回来。
13、去泰国旅游，别人问我们是做什么的时候，我只说我工作，当时想说zero在家工作的，结果被对方打断，让别人认为zero在家带孩子。zero在家弄网站，就是在工作，而我当时却把出去上班和soho分开想，让zero被别人误解。
更好的做法是直接回答都工作，别人也不会有别的想法了。
14、办事前布置新房，本来是想让二姑她们按照我们的意愿布置的，结果发现没有按照我们的想法，zero很不高兴，我就给我妈和二姑打电话说不让她们布置了，弄得都很不愉快。后来zero照顾我家人的感受同意了让二姑布置，我没再考虑zero的真实想法也就同意了。zero也帮着一起干活，很累，以后zero经常回想起这件事而痛苦难受睡不好觉。
更好的做法是当发现二姑不能按我们的要求布置的时候就应该不让她们布置了，她们受累了，zero也很累，却还没让我们满意。
15、去新马旅游回来时在樟宜机场上网没陪zero，当时陪zero在机场免税店遛了一圈以后，觉得没有什么可看的，我就上网本来想去查一下天津的天气，zero说她去看电视，结果我就一直在上网两个小时，忽略了陪zero。
更好的做法是应该一直陪在zero身边，陪她遛，遇到喜欢的东西还能买给她，而网什么时候都可以上。
从新马旅游回来在回天津的火车上，我没注意到快到站了，很想去厕所，于是站起来就走了。没有考虑到zero可能也想去，但是她离开的话东西就没人看了。结果我回来时进站了，zero也没时间去厕所了。
更好的做法时，我去之前应该问zero，看她是否也要去，应该让她先去，或者把重要的东西随身带着两个人一起去。
16、结婚以后的那件事，当时觉得zero一直闷在家里，想给她一定的自由，不想让她像笼子里的鸟一样。所以同意她和别人接触，聊天，没有很仔细的问，想尊重她的隐私，不过分干预她的自由。把她有时很痛苦当成和以前一样没有特别在意，没有更好的关心她。对于她说的话，正常的好的就记在心里，不好的就以为她是在开玩笑没有当真，只是忙于准备出国的事情和工作，结果去成都出差期间发生了这些事情。
更好的做法是，zero还是个小姑娘，她有时做的事情未必是她真正想做的，尤其是她状态很差的时候，这时我就应该及时制止她，而不是听信她说什么都不会发生，能控制好就放心的做别的事情。
17、来新加坡前开始是我们一起打包，后来zero觉得没弄好就重新弄，我觉得她整理东西家务方面比我强很多，就去查出国的事情，没和她一起打包。
更好的方法是我们一起打包，毕竟一个人能够想到的东西是有限的，我们一起整理就会把不该带的拿掉，把该带的带上。
18、来新加坡时从我家走的，结果我们前一天就坐车到我家，zero晚上又回她家，转天再来我家，然后出发去机场，她很折腾很累，还没吃上茴香陷的饺子。
更好的做法是到我家时zero不下车，回她家，然后在机场集合。
19、晚上不应该在居士林让zero吃馊了的饭，我当时想走了这么远，zero又很想吃就只说了一次不吃，而没有一直坚持。
更好的做法是，去之前就应该想到已经那么晚了，饭肯定不好了，就应该坚持回家而不去居士林。
20、zero的泳衣变得很薄，而且有些漏点了，有几次路过卖泳衣的店，我让zero买，她都说不喜欢，家里的还能凑活穿，我就没坚持让她买。
更好的做法是我不应该管zero怎么说，她也许是嫌贵怕花钱而说不喜欢。但我知道她需要泳衣，那么一起遛的时候就应该坚持让她买，或者我自己去按照她的尺寸买来送给她。
有一次周末洗完床单以后需要抖一下才能晾上，开始我和zero一起上楼把床单吊到外面抖，但是我的手伸的不够靠外，床单碰到电表盒上了，zero很生气就说不让我弄了，我就下楼看电视了。让zero一个人在楼上抖床单。
更好的做法是zero不让我弄我也不应该下楼，床单很沉，zero踮着脚尖很费劲的才能伸到外面，我应该继续帮她抖而不是下楼。
3号下午zero网络不稳定，问我怎么处理，我和她说开关一下路由器，结果让zero误认为是弄路由器上的开关，路由器上没有开关，zero找了半天没找到。
更好的做法是我应该说具体一点，是开关一下路由器连着的电源插座的开关，zero就能明白了。
21、那天晚上和zero争吵到最后不应该跳下来，给自己和zero都带来了很大的痛苦。zero很难受而且说我的时候，我就会陷入一种很难受的状态，变得不知所措，不知道该怎么对待zero，我抖床单的时候发现zero的头绳掉下去了，当时脑子很混乱，很傻的想跳下去捡头绳，为后来的事情埋下了伏笔。之后zero说了一些让我非常痛苦无法接受的话，我就一时糊涂跳了下去。
更好的做法是我回家之前应该买些吃的，让zero不再生气。她狂喝了十几袋咖啡的时候应该及时制止她。她说我不给她买衣服时，不应该说这是天性什么的，应该直接说一会儿我就去给你买，zero就不会那么难受，我也不会跳下去了。
每个人都会犯错误，重要的是你是否进行了深刻的反思和检讨，从错误中学到了什么，如何避免以后再犯同样的错误。
11.10.09
心理掌控命运
一直困扰我的就是心理，从小到大。小时不懂我没能力驾驭它，但现在我觉得应该具备这个能力。
现在很紧迫需要解决的就是感情问题。它们经常变得很负面、消极的影响着我。我觉得过去很多不愉快的事情像个解不开的结，我得不到满意的答案。它们困扰着我。我被生活驾驭着，而不是我驾驭着生活。
事情发生时，一开始我就把事情定义成坏的、不愉快的、不喜欢的。而不是客观、理性的去看待、分析。仔细想每一件事情，平静的看待都没到我平时感觉里那么严重的不可接受。 事情没有对错，只是能不能更好。你把它当成问题才会去寻找答案，如果它不是问题呢？就不用去找答案了。
承认自己的错误，不推卸责任。每件错事全面的讲我也有做错的地方，从而导致的，不能为了逃避错误、懦弱的心态而不敢面对它，把它推脱到 别人身上，这就是怨天尤人。似乎很小时就这样的，现在养成了这个习惯。
对爱情婚姻持有不客观的幻想。理性的看待爱情，是有个过程的，这是人性的心理，是自然的规律不可违背的。
你可以掌控我的生活，如果你现在很痛苦，是你选择的，你觉得问题的答案不满意，也是你自己揪着它不放，喜欢钻牛角尖。你觉得自己无路可 走，也是你自己逼的。总之一切都是你选择的。
你自己犯得错误因为各种原因，心理、心情、状态等你可以原谅自己，但是人都会这样，很正常，你也该原谅别人。
错误心态的形成，现在认识到自己很多心理都是错误的，要改正。就像改掉坏习惯一样。
如果我们遇到问题解决不了，那只能是我们没有那个能力，只能提高、改变、学习，直到具备。现在的问题就是提高自己的情商，扩大自己的认知水平。不要被网上错误的东西迷惑。
我也许是一直不明白人生的一些问题，而迷茫的不知该如何生活， 人生经历很多事情，酸甜苦辣，才会让我们成熟，才会让我们进步，才会让我们明白人生。
我现在只是觉得自己很愚蠢。我不知道为什么活着，该怎么活着，迷茫了好久，浑浑噩噩的活了好久。
我消极的痛苦的活了好久，已经到了极限，而快乐幸福的生活我还没有好好体会，怎能就否决了它。世界是美好的，我要发现它。人生是快乐的，我要感受到它。生命是奇妙的，我要享受它……要用余下的生命去发掘、创造那些我未知的，要亲身去体会它们。
现在很紧迫需要解决的就是感情问题。它们经常变得很负面、消极的影响着我。我觉得过去很多不愉快的事情像个解不开的结，我得不到满意的答案。它们困扰着我。我被生活驾驭着，而不是我驾驭着生活。
事情发生时，一开始我就把事情定义成坏的、不愉快的、不喜欢的。而不是客观、理性的去看待、分析。仔细想每一件事情，平静的看待都没到我平时感觉里那么严重的不可接受。 事情没有对错，只是能不能更好。你把它当成问题才会去寻找答案，如果它不是问题呢？就不用去找答案了。
承认自己的错误，不推卸责任。每件错事全面的讲我也有做错的地方，从而导致的，不能为了逃避错误、懦弱的心态而不敢面对它，把它推脱到 别人身上，这就是怨天尤人。似乎很小时就这样的，现在养成了这个习惯。
对爱情婚姻持有不客观的幻想。理性的看待爱情，是有个过程的，这是人性的心理，是自然的规律不可违背的。
你可以掌控我的生活，如果你现在很痛苦，是你选择的，你觉得问题的答案不满意，也是你自己揪着它不放，喜欢钻牛角尖。你觉得自己无路可 走，也是你自己逼的。总之一切都是你选择的。
你自己犯得错误因为各种原因，心理、心情、状态等你可以原谅自己，但是人都会这样，很正常，你也该原谅别人。
错误心态的形成，现在认识到自己很多心理都是错误的，要改正。就像改掉坏习惯一样。
如果我们遇到问题解决不了，那只能是我们没有那个能力，只能提高、改变、学习，直到具备。现在的问题就是提高自己的情商，扩大自己的认知水平。不要被网上错误的东西迷惑。
我也许是一直不明白人生的一些问题，而迷茫的不知该如何生活， 人生经历很多事情，酸甜苦辣，才会让我们成熟，才会让我们进步，才会让我们明白人生。
我现在只是觉得自己很愚蠢。我不知道为什么活着，该怎么活着，迷茫了好久，浑浑噩噩的活了好久。
我消极的痛苦的活了好久，已经到了极限，而快乐幸福的生活我还没有好好体会，怎能就否决了它。世界是美好的，我要发现它。人生是快乐的，我要感受到它。生命是奇妙的，我要享受它……要用余下的生命去发掘、创造那些我未知的，要亲身去体会它们。
这段时间我就感觉心情好多了，但潜意识里还不能马上放下过去的情绪习惯，对美好的东西不确定。把不确定的改成确定的，我很快乐，我先在很幸福，我很阳光，我能做到……继续努力。
对于自己的心理调节的感受：
来图书馆和去超市改变了很多的心理问题，想想自己第一次去完全不是这样。幸福清单和做错写检讨也改变了我很多感觉和坏习惯，继续努力，现在已经有成效了。
如果暂时没法从内在提高自信，那么就从外在，例如穿一身最便宜的衣服那么就可以买一件品牌的来提高。衣服健康舒服是第一的，尤其是鞋，
功能性很重要，才能走路舒服。一件事情不能只想到不好的一面，例如去超市时是觉得很累还是觉得很有兴趣，把各个方面都并列出来才能做出选择，而不是脑子里出现消极
的就一直认为是不好的。这个方法适用于很多事情，例如想到不好的事情就觉得他不爱我，可是还要想一想那些好的事情，
10.10.09
9.10.09
25.9.09
想家
昨天去复查，恢复得很好，可以开始站立行走了。
然后去买鞋，就当是朴给他今年的生日礼物了。
他买很贵的东西，花很多的钱我都没有感觉，可要是我自己这样我就不习惯。
然后再等电梯时头绳断了，当时不知该怎么办，他说让我自己弄，他先下去，我很伤心，让他留下来帮我，最后灵机一动想到了办法。可是觉得他很自私，想到了以前需要他时，他也是先去办自己的事情。然后就不推他了，很想不通，为什么他会这样。早上5点多睡不着，越想越伤心，就开始哭，然后想到了死，想回家自己一人生活，想如何宁静的生活，就像自己喜欢禅的那段日子的感受。开始想到具体的生活，觉得自己一人好难，好孤单，未必比现在好。
后来想到了我们一起生活时的快乐幸福，觉得自己很想家，想我们自己的家，冬天阳光，一起在阳台晒太阳，下雪了，穿着厚厚的防寒服抱着的感觉，就像抱着大熊熊，很温暖的，可当时就不觉得。
他今天去公司了，我一人去图书馆，就有点不习惯。不过以后必须这样正常的生活了。这段特殊的日子真是丰富的体验人生的各种滋味。
总是觉得很空虚，没有理想，过去的梦想觉得好远好远，不知为什么而活……很自卑，觉得自己什么都不会，学起来好费劲……
然后去买鞋，就当是朴给他今年的生日礼物了。
他买很贵的东西，花很多的钱我都没有感觉，可要是我自己这样我就不习惯。
然后再等电梯时头绳断了，当时不知该怎么办，他说让我自己弄，他先下去，我很伤心，让他留下来帮我，最后灵机一动想到了办法。可是觉得他很自私，想到了以前需要他时，他也是先去办自己的事情。然后就不推他了，很想不通，为什么他会这样。早上5点多睡不着，越想越伤心，就开始哭，然后想到了死，想回家自己一人生活，想如何宁静的生活，就像自己喜欢禅的那段日子的感受。开始想到具体的生活，觉得自己一人好难，好孤单，未必比现在好。
后来想到了我们一起生活时的快乐幸福，觉得自己很想家，想我们自己的家，冬天阳光，一起在阳台晒太阳，下雪了，穿着厚厚的防寒服抱着的感觉，就像抱着大熊熊，很温暖的，可当时就不觉得。
他今天去公司了，我一人去图书馆，就有点不习惯。不过以后必须这样正常的生活了。这段特殊的日子真是丰富的体验人生的各种滋味。
总是觉得很空虚，没有理想，过去的梦想觉得好远好远，不知为什么而活……很自卑，觉得自己什么都不会，学起来好费劲……
24.9.09
23.9.09
19.9.09
17.9.09
越来越好
今天他很早就醒了，做饭。我吃时已经放在饭盒里了，猪骨头做的特好吃，忍不住吃了好多。第一次做就这么棒，比我厉害，比我想象的要好，应该放手让他干。最后一起吃，好幸福。
1、每天必须吃的东西，量掌握的不好，都写在日记本里了，没记住。
我还没想好，手就动了，坏习惯，导致做了很多错的，走了弯路。老是主动的告诉他怎么做，应该让他自己解决。
昨天梦见和姐一起买衣服，看到双墨绿色的凉鞋24元，觉得好便宜，可她说是旧的，死人穿的，上面有擦掉的血痕，恐怖。
上次也是梦到买鞋，是皮鞋墨绿和黑色，金色和黑色。
1、每天必须吃的东西，量掌握的不好，都写在日记本里了，没记住。
2、床单和家具感觉不是最好的安排，可也想不出更好的。不知道他得用多长时间想好。
3、昨没想好怎么吃、怎么装、怎么分配，用哪个盒洗、煮熟后用哪个那些肉。 每次应该煮饭盒能放下的，洗生肉的盒和煮熟后放的盒应该分开。
4、有一周的时间去想下次怎么做猪肉骨头，第一次这样肯定不行太麻烦了。还有火候掌握不好，好像不懂它们的原理
我还没想好，手就动了，坏习惯，导致做了很多错的，走了弯路。老是主动的告诉他怎么做，应该让他自己解决。
昨天梦见和姐一起买衣服，看到双墨绿色的凉鞋24元，觉得好便宜，可她说是旧的，死人穿的，上面有擦掉的血痕，恐怖。
上次也是梦到买鞋，是皮鞋墨绿和黑色，金色和黑色。
下午心情不太好，想起了他父母对我不好的地方，感觉从来就没对我好过，从没为我考虑过，很面子上的事。一直都很自私溺爱着他。总想起这些，大多数都是自己在和自己吵架，根本就不想和他们接触，就像我父母给我的感觉一样，简直就是浪费时间。有问题不要找别人解决，没有人能帮你，只会扩大加重问题。看了他写的过去幸福的事，忍不住笑了，心情轻松了许多。
心情9.5 身体 8.5
15.9.09
美好的事情
冬天在学校门口的IC卡电话亭给她打电话，在雪地上踩出心，在心中间写上我们的名字。
过年回老家，从姥姥家走好远到村子中心的小卖部给zero打长途，她说姐姐给她配了副眼镜，很高兴。
用“爱”字组成她的名字“霞”写在信纸背面上寄给她。
学用日语说“生日快乐”在她生日那天给她打电话。
她说喜欢kiroro的歌，转天下雪路上结冰骑车去八里台音像店买CD回来放给她听，路上摔了好几次。
有一天下大雪，晚上估计她到家后给她打电话问她路上摔倒没，她说家人都没这么关心她，结果她刚从家门出来拐弯时就摔了。
有一天她心情不好就把音箱插到旁边宿舍同学的电脑给她放雪村的“东北人都是活雷锋”，后来她就笑了。
2000.12.03晚上给他打电话，小卖部公用电话都关了，在学校周围找了好几个IC卡电话亭，最后找到个能用的，第一次说“我爱你”。
刚见面时我把所有矿泉水的瓶盖都留着。
经常和她去水上公园坐在湖边看水，聊天。
和她一起去北宁公园，在致远塔上远望，一起猜灯谜，得了2个钥匙链，一个是海豚的一个是足球的。
一天上午从她家回来时不小心踩到泥水里，刚把鞋洗了没怎么干就和她一起去北宁公园，一路上脚很难受还在小湖里洗了洗脚。
转天去找她在小路上遇到，她也想来找我，然后在我家很亲密，shot on her back and then took a shower。
在八里台市场遛了好久选了个心形的红盒子，叠了很多纸鹤放在里面送给她（每天晚上睡觉前都会叠几个）。
晚上去找她，不过她忘记把门打开了，只好睡在公交车上，隔一段时间就来看看，不过直到早晨门也没开。
有天晚上骑车去找zero，刚起一会儿后轱辘就龙了，有个螺丝也松了，只好骑一会儿推一会，最后终于遇到个修车的把车修好飞快的骑到zero家。
一次把一辆车从zero家骑到学校，不过车子的后轴有问题，只好在后架上夹了一块砖，不好骑时就敲几下，而且不能随便捏闸减速，费了好大劲终于到学校。
去盘山旅游上山时她在前面跑，我背着两个包在后面追，比较陡的地方差点滑下去。
有一次我和zero放完风筝，她父母也去放，结果把风筝弄丢了。我回到家后又骑车返回去找，找了好久，可惜没找到。
晚上下班后先去zero家，帮她铺床，把她哄得睡着了才回家睡觉。
有一次zero来学校找我，她下车我拉着她的手把粉色手链从我手上带到她的手上，然后在操场上放风筝，非常幸福的感觉。
从盘山回来后过了几天zero生我气了，我就去买了个绿色的手链送给她。
zero20岁生日那天，我在花店买了20朵红玫瑰，晚上和她一起庆祝生日。
从学校买zero爱吃的咖喱土豆，然后坐车去她家和她一起吃晚饭。
有一次下午她说来找我，我就算好时间在车站等她，结果等了快3个小时zero才来，原来是有事情耽搁了但是忘记打电话告诉我。
有一次在学校半夜2点多zero饿了，屋里也没吃的，我就翻出公寓，到外面的自动售货机买了2包苏打饼干和zero一起吃。
我工作后zero的第一个生日，在好利来买了2个小蛋糕，花店买了1只玫瑰送给她，zero很高兴。
工作后的第一个圣诞节，客户送给我一个小粉熊，然后我就送给了zero，她很喜欢。 和zero一起参加公司组织的北戴河旅游，晚上在海边散步，zero的凉鞋被海水冲走了，我就跑到水里帮她把鞋扔到岸上，结果裤子都湿了。
第二天晚上和zero在海滩上用手机的铃声伴奏跳舞，非常幸福的感觉……
从新加坡旅游回来，在飞机上没睡觉，一路上都很困，不过zero更需要休息，我就努力保持清醒，很困时就咬舌头，用疼痛来让自己清醒。
政采项目晚上加班的时候会有麦当劳或肯德基的外卖，每次最多吃一半，然后把剩下的拿给zero吃，看着zero吃饭的样子很高兴。
过年回老家，从姥姥家走好远到村子中心的小卖部给zero打长途，她说姐姐给她配了副眼镜，很高兴。
用“爱”字组成她的名字“霞”写在信纸背面上寄给她。
学用日语说“生日快乐”在她生日那天给她打电话。
她说喜欢kiroro的歌，转天下雪路上结冰骑车去八里台音像店买CD回来放给她听，路上摔了好几次。
有一天下大雪，晚上估计她到家后给她打电话问她路上摔倒没，她说家人都没这么关心她，结果她刚从家门出来拐弯时就摔了。
有一天她心情不好就把音箱插到旁边宿舍同学的电脑给她放雪村的“东北人都是活雷锋”，后来她就笑了。
2000.12.03晚上给他打电话，小卖部公用电话都关了，在学校周围找了好几个IC卡电话亭，最后找到个能用的，第一次说“我爱你”。
刚见面时我把所有矿泉水的瓶盖都留着。
经常和她去水上公园坐在湖边看水，聊天。
和她一起去北宁公园，在致远塔上远望，一起猜灯谜，得了2个钥匙链，一个是海豚的一个是足球的。
一天上午从她家回来时不小心踩到泥水里，刚把鞋洗了没怎么干就和她一起去北宁公园，一路上脚很难受还在小湖里洗了洗脚。
转天去找她在小路上遇到，她也想来找我，然后在我家很亲密，shot on her back and then took a shower。
在八里台市场遛了好久选了个心形的红盒子，叠了很多纸鹤放在里面送给她（每天晚上睡觉前都会叠几个）。
晚上去找她，不过她忘记把门打开了，只好睡在公交车上，隔一段时间就来看看，不过直到早晨门也没开。
有天晚上骑车去找zero，刚起一会儿后轱辘就龙了，有个螺丝也松了，只好骑一会儿推一会，最后终于遇到个修车的把车修好飞快的骑到zero家。
一次把一辆车从zero家骑到学校，不过车子的后轴有问题，只好在后架上夹了一块砖，不好骑时就敲几下，而且不能随便捏闸减速，费了好大劲终于到学校。
去盘山旅游上山时她在前面跑，我背着两个包在后面追，比较陡的地方差点滑下去。
有一次我和zero放完风筝，她父母也去放，结果把风筝弄丢了。我回到家后又骑车返回去找，找了好久，可惜没找到。
晚上下班后先去zero家，帮她铺床，把她哄得睡着了才回家睡觉。
有一次zero来学校找我，她下车我拉着她的手把粉色手链从我手上带到她的手上，然后在操场上放风筝，非常幸福的感觉。
从盘山回来后过了几天zero生我气了，我就去买了个绿色的手链送给她。
zero20岁生日那天，我在花店买了20朵红玫瑰，晚上和她一起庆祝生日。
从学校买zero爱吃的咖喱土豆，然后坐车去她家和她一起吃晚饭。
有一次下午她说来找我，我就算好时间在车站等她，结果等了快3个小时zero才来，原来是有事情耽搁了但是忘记打电话告诉我。
有一次在学校半夜2点多zero饿了，屋里也没吃的，我就翻出公寓，到外面的自动售货机买了2包苏打饼干和zero一起吃。
我工作后zero的第一个生日，在好利来买了2个小蛋糕，花店买了1只玫瑰送给她，zero很高兴。
工作后的第一个圣诞节，客户送给我一个小粉熊，然后我就送给了zero，她很喜欢。 和zero一起参加公司组织的北戴河旅游，晚上在海边散步，zero的凉鞋被海水冲走了，我就跑到水里帮她把鞋扔到岸上，结果裤子都湿了。
第二天晚上和zero在海滩上用手机的铃声伴奏跳舞，非常幸福的感觉……
从新加坡旅游回来，在飞机上没睡觉，一路上都很困，不过zero更需要休息，我就努力保持清醒，很困时就咬舌头，用疼痛来让自己清醒。
政采项目晚上加班的时候会有麦当劳或肯德基的外卖，每次最多吃一半，然后把剩下的拿给zero吃，看着zero吃饭的样子很高兴。
12.9.09
2.9.09
Mind is chief
Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought.
If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him.
If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.
If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him.
If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.
26.8.09
Mind is master
1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.
All mental phenomena are preceded by mind, Mind is their master, they are produced by mind. If somebody speaks or acts With a corrupted mind, Hence suffering follows him, Like the wheel the foot of the bearing animal.
2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
All things are preceded by mind, Mind is their master, they are produced by mind. If somebody speaks or acts With a purified mind, Hence happiness follows him, Like never departing shadow.
He abused me, he beat me, He defeated me, he robbed me. Those, who harbour such thoughts, Their hatred is not appeased.
He abused me, he beat me, He defeated me, he robbed me. Those, who do not harbour such thoughts, Their hatred is appeased.
All mental phenomena are preceded by mind, Mind is their master, they are produced by mind. If somebody speaks or acts With a corrupted mind, Hence suffering follows him, Like the wheel the foot of the bearing animal.
2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
All things are preceded by mind, Mind is their master, they are produced by mind. If somebody speaks or acts With a purified mind, Hence happiness follows him, Like never departing shadow.
He abused me, he beat me, He defeated me, he robbed me. Those, who harbour such thoughts, Their hatred is not appeased.
He abused me, he beat me, He defeated me, he robbed me. Those, who do not harbour such thoughts, Their hatred is appeased.
24.8.09
放弃
半夜被蚊子咬醒，然后就失眠，把闹钟调到6：30。早上他又把闹钟按了。7点多才起来，开始忙碌。他洗澡时告诉他小瓶洗脸，后来他问我用什么洗澡。不明白为什么要问这种问题，让他把小洗头水瓶子涮干净，他也没做到。后来他的解释是，他说了多余的话，我现在真的累的没有脑力听废话和说废话，可他天天养的精力充沛的没事干。自己生活上什么都不想、不计划、不考虑、不安排、什么都不知道、我做时他也不看着，我想出的结果，他也不想为什么这样。到做时，什么都不知道。就知道问。真的没法和他相处，我说一个字，需要用一堆话来解释。昨天我说喜欢听有英语又有音乐的，可今早他放只有英语的听不懂的严肃内容，我说了我喜欢的他也没心，感觉从来都没有心过，因为我也不是他想要的。那天说我喜欢看美味情缘，他说这个还有八月迷情等他也都喜欢，无意义的附和，我喜欢是喜欢男主角，他喜欢又是因为什么呢？越了解越觉得陌生。
我没有时间好好看股票、学英语，大部分时间都在计划安排生活，他从来都不做这些。今天又是这种感觉，不想在他身上浪费时间、精力。他把他的生活琐事全扔给我，昨天他不和她妈视屏了，就扔给我，我就是他生活上的保姆，我非常厌恶这样。他不改变我就没法和他在一起。他从小养成的坏习惯，什么都张嘴问他妈要，心理学说母亲是什么样，儿子就喜欢什么样的女人，一点都没错。我觉得我像是嫁给个儿子，而不是成熟的男人。那天看到书上的一个男子，长得表情像女孩，怎么看都像他。早就过了刚认识时的激情，理智的看到他的缺点。我病的很重时，他对我一般，不像我对他那样对我。从一开始我就为他着想，到现在他都不会为别人考虑，真是寒心，越来越清楚他改变好难。一个连自己都不会照顾的人，怎么能照顾别人，一个心理上还没断奶，离不开妈的人，谁会喜欢上这种人。一个那么爱自己，那么娇气的人，做为男性真的很让人恶心。从一出院开始就不推自己，推着他就像推着婴儿车。这样的人，连个残废都不如，我是如此的厌恶他，天天强忍着和他生活在一起，他确是那样的恬不知耻，就会用那臭嘴招惹我，只要他一张嘴，我就不得宁静，从认识他就这样，这样的生活实在无法忍受。
还是失望的感觉，因为问题根本就没解决，必须找到种方式和他相处。所有的东西都分开，各管各的，各活各的，我觉得这是人相处最科学的方式。
宁愿骨折也不愿改变，他根本就不是我想要的，看不到希望，我又何必在一棵树上吊死，这么多年，真是身心憔悴。改变不了只能改变选择。10年还不知道如何和我相处，就是真的不适合。
重返17岁里，女男主角的对话：我从来没有要你一定得娶我，是没错, 但我还是娶你...所以因为这样你就不需要再多对我付出任何心力了...我想这也适用于他，从来都不知珍惜，因为他说无论如何都不会离开你，就再不用费心力了。在等待我离开吗？用行为把我逼走，这样是我自己离开的，而不是他付了我，每次又何必又假么猩猩的挽留呢。分手，何必在乎形式呢。
干嘛娶我！从始至终从来都没在乎过，从认识到结婚到出国，如此自私的人，不爱我，干嘛娶我！绝望，对这个世界的绝望，如此痛苦，痛不欲生，何必活着承受痛苦，走到海里，水进入肺部，10秒的撕心裂肺，还是从14楼跳下，摔爆内脏。还是慢慢饿死，最后死在哪好呢。既然想死，又何必在乎死后的世界，在哪都一样，人迟早都要死，何必痛苦的活着，想想那些厌恶我的人，想想他们的话，从出生就是多余的，什么亲情、爱情，都是为了自己，为了钱活着。
我没法忘记过去的事情，每一句话，每一个错误，都会马上把我带入到那种痛苦的状态下，我不知道怎么活着，好累，好累。觉得一睁眼，就开始痛苦。哪里有问题，我找不到出路。全是错的，每件事、每个人，甚至每句话。只是觉得极度的痛苦堵在心脏上怎么也出去，快窒息了，向外只会带来更多的麻烦，只有向内才可平息。
我没有时间好好看股票、学英语，大部分时间都在计划安排生活，他从来都不做这些。今天又是这种感觉，不想在他身上浪费时间、精力。他把他的生活琐事全扔给我，昨天他不和她妈视屏了，就扔给我，我就是他生活上的保姆，我非常厌恶这样。他不改变我就没法和他在一起。他从小养成的坏习惯，什么都张嘴问他妈要，心理学说母亲是什么样，儿子就喜欢什么样的女人，一点都没错。我觉得我像是嫁给个儿子，而不是成熟的男人。那天看到书上的一个男子，长得表情像女孩，怎么看都像他。早就过了刚认识时的激情，理智的看到他的缺点。我病的很重时，他对我一般，不像我对他那样对我。从一开始我就为他着想，到现在他都不会为别人考虑，真是寒心，越来越清楚他改变好难。一个连自己都不会照顾的人，怎么能照顾别人，一个心理上还没断奶，离不开妈的人，谁会喜欢上这种人。一个那么爱自己，那么娇气的人，做为男性真的很让人恶心。从一出院开始就不推自己，推着他就像推着婴儿车。这样的人，连个残废都不如，我是如此的厌恶他，天天强忍着和他生活在一起，他确是那样的恬不知耻，就会用那臭嘴招惹我，只要他一张嘴，我就不得宁静，从认识他就这样，这样的生活实在无法忍受。
还是失望的感觉，因为问题根本就没解决，必须找到种方式和他相处。所有的东西都分开，各管各的，各活各的，我觉得这是人相处最科学的方式。
宁愿骨折也不愿改变，他根本就不是我想要的，看不到希望，我又何必在一棵树上吊死，这么多年，真是身心憔悴。改变不了只能改变选择。10年还不知道如何和我相处，就是真的不适合。
重返17岁里，女男主角的对话：我从来没有要你一定得娶我，是没错, 但我还是娶你...所以因为这样你就不需要再多对我付出任何心力了...我想这也适用于他，从来都不知珍惜，因为他说无论如何都不会离开你，就再不用费心力了。在等待我离开吗？用行为把我逼走，这样是我自己离开的，而不是他付了我，每次又何必又假么猩猩的挽留呢。分手，何必在乎形式呢。
干嘛娶我！从始至终从来都没在乎过，从认识到结婚到出国，如此自私的人，不爱我，干嘛娶我！绝望，对这个世界的绝望，如此痛苦，痛不欲生，何必活着承受痛苦，走到海里，水进入肺部，10秒的撕心裂肺，还是从14楼跳下，摔爆内脏。还是慢慢饿死，最后死在哪好呢。既然想死，又何必在乎死后的世界，在哪都一样，人迟早都要死，何必痛苦的活着，想想那些厌恶我的人，想想他们的话，从出生就是多余的，什么亲情、爱情，都是为了自己，为了钱活着。
我没法忘记过去的事情，每一句话，每一个错误，都会马上把我带入到那种痛苦的状态下，我不知道怎么活着，好累，好累。觉得一睁眼，就开始痛苦。哪里有问题，我找不到出路。全是错的，每件事、每个人，甚至每句话。只是觉得极度的痛苦堵在心脏上怎么也出去，快窒息了，向外只会带来更多的麻烦，只有向内才可平息。
20.8.09
改变
我痛下决心，真的想改变自己。
时时都好心情，平静。仔细想想天下没什么事可烦的、值得生气。You have no occasion to be angry.
累了，就什么也不要想、不要做，休息、放松，当意识到了就马上转换、调节。
宽容、忍耐，耐心，一小会就过去了，做错事说错话是正常的，想想自己经常这样，就该理解他，从别人角度考虑，你做的还没他好。
别挑别人的毛病，只想他的好，你做到了吗？ 是他说的不对，还是你自己误解了，你能正真理解吗？
改变、注意自己的语言、语气。很多错误都是自己造成的。
不要把自己的错误推在别人身上，不能拿别人出气，更不能攻击、伤害别人。对你的挚爱，怎能忍心。
时时都好心情，平静。仔细想想天下没什么事可烦的、值得生气。You have no occasion to be angry.
累了，就什么也不要想、不要做，休息、放松，当意识到了就马上转换、调节。
宽容、忍耐，耐心，一小会就过去了，做错事说错话是正常的，想想自己经常这样，就该理解他，从别人角度考虑，你做的还没他好。
别挑别人的毛病，只想他的好，你做到了吗？ 是他说的不对，还是你自己误解了，你能正真理解吗？
改变、注意自己的语言、语气。很多错误都是自己造成的。
不要把自己的错误推在别人身上，不能拿别人出气，更不能攻击、伤害别人。对你的挚爱，怎能忍心。
事在人为，不好的、坏的都是自己造成的，氛围、感觉是你可掌控的
想想分工不同，凭什么白花他的钱，凭什么把不愿做的都推给他，公正对待。
19.8.09
分手
分手今天早上醒的很早，但一睁眼他就开始唠叨，n年前就说过我喜欢清净的早晨，每天只要醒了就坚持着起来，不管是否睡醒，是否醒盹。因为有很多事情需要去做去想。一直想把生活安排好了，好去做自己的事，可生活上的事想不完做不完。他只管他自己，共同的事情不想、不计划、不安排、更不去做。我觉得身早已身心已透支，天天就那么硬撑着，好累，更没有精力去想感情，真的想自己一人生活，好好歇歇、修养下。
但还是期待有个成熟的男人出现在我生活力里，能帮我一下，这才是我想要的，我的生活力会有奇迹吗？当初为了逃离家庭，希望他能拯救我，却发现自己是从一个火坑跳到另一个里。为了不犯同样的错误，看来单身，靠自己最好。而不是天天做像想孩子一样的人的保姆，他只会和你争吵，制造麻烦，从来不会关心你，体贴你，帮助你……不知怎么和他相处，交流，这种感觉似乎在认识的早期就意识到了，还有不同的生活态度、观念。昨晚他说看我做饭很累，买着吃，我很失望，我觉得买的饭没营养。怕我累，那他为什么不做呢。我早上没睡醒。硬撑着想怎么做饭，安排生活，他在旁边和我说没用的话，争吵。我很生气，我忙不过来，他不帮忙只会添乱。生活上什么都不懂，什么都不会，昨晚就让我生气，没理他，真的很厌烦他，不愿意生活中有他。只有在图书馆，我才能做自己的事，才能休息，才能照照镜子、才能好好的洗洗手,才能得到安静。走在路上想起了，第一次去旅游，我收拾东西到很晚了很累，他只坐在那看电视。他说出院了就重生了，可什么都没变。很多过去想不通的事情，现在亲身体验下明白了，不在乎是因为不爱。所以自己才会是第一。我现在也不在乎他，因为不爱，对他没有任何感觉了。因除了失望还是失望，每天都那么累，还要天天生气，连个好心情都没有。离婚、回国经常有这样的想法。越来越觉得那么多的不同，太不适合了，受不了他了。对于他，我用10年教会他如何爱一个人，而对于我，他用10年教会我如何只爱自己。
晚上又是这种感觉，暴力，绝望、极度的悲伤，发泄不出去。放弃这个世界，死亡。很困，却睡不着。平静下来，我开始后悔所做所为所想，烦心都是想出来的，回国不是出路，也许会更痛苦。叫麦当劳大吃一顿，为什么隔几天我就会这样一次，在医院时，我觉得我可以控制调节转换自己，就证明我能做到，改变自己。
但还是期待有个成熟的男人出现在我生活力里，能帮我一下，这才是我想要的，我的生活力会有奇迹吗？当初为了逃离家庭，希望他能拯救我，却发现自己是从一个火坑跳到另一个里。为了不犯同样的错误，看来单身，靠自己最好。而不是天天做像想孩子一样的人的保姆，他只会和你争吵，制造麻烦，从来不会关心你，体贴你，帮助你……不知怎么和他相处，交流，这种感觉似乎在认识的早期就意识到了，还有不同的生活态度、观念。昨晚他说看我做饭很累，买着吃，我很失望，我觉得买的饭没营养。怕我累，那他为什么不做呢。我早上没睡醒。硬撑着想怎么做饭，安排生活，他在旁边和我说没用的话，争吵。我很生气，我忙不过来，他不帮忙只会添乱。生活上什么都不懂，什么都不会，昨晚就让我生气，没理他，真的很厌烦他，不愿意生活中有他。只有在图书馆，我才能做自己的事，才能休息，才能照照镜子、才能好好的洗洗手,才能得到安静。走在路上想起了，第一次去旅游，我收拾东西到很晚了很累，他只坐在那看电视。他说出院了就重生了，可什么都没变。很多过去想不通的事情，现在亲身体验下明白了，不在乎是因为不爱。所以自己才会是第一。我现在也不在乎他，因为不爱，对他没有任何感觉了。因除了失望还是失望，每天都那么累，还要天天生气，连个好心情都没有。离婚、回国经常有这样的想法。越来越觉得那么多的不同，太不适合了，受不了他了。对于他，我用10年教会他如何爱一个人，而对于我，他用10年教会我如何只爱自己。
晚上又是这种感觉，暴力，绝望、极度的悲伤，发泄不出去。放弃这个世界，死亡。很困，却睡不着。平静下来，我开始后悔所做所为所想，烦心都是想出来的，回国不是出路，也许会更痛苦。叫麦当劳大吃一顿，为什么隔几天我就会这样一次，在医院时，我觉得我可以控制调节转换自己，就证明我能做到，改变自己。
17.8.09
13.8.09
12.8.09
tired
我是如此的累，可身边的人都像傻子一样。和他们相处、说话会更累。只想躲在图书馆，不想和他们相处说话。我早上又生气发脾气了 真没意义 浪费我的精力，还影响他。任何事情都不能生气，那是愚蠢的行为。
每天都那么累，回家还有那么多事不顺心，经常失眠，有那么多的往事想不通。到现在，在一起快9年了，爱不爱我都弄不清，当然我爱不爱他也没弄清，很多事情都想不通，所以没法原谅，只是因为不爱了，才慢慢体会到为什么他做不到，我要都要不来，因为从没爱过，既然这样，现在真是不该在一起。说的和做的那么矛盾，但事实就是证明不爱，那现在就该分开，做陌生人。
20岁时，就注定了痛苦绝望，早该结束了，拖着只会伤得越重。失去的都是我在乎的，得到的都是我不在乎的。新的希望在哪里，可遇不可求，现在不要再浪费精力了，为了更长远的希望努力储蓄能量吧，也许他就在不经意间。
每天都那么累，回家还有那么多事不顺心，经常失眠，有那么多的往事想不通。到现在，在一起快9年了，爱不爱我都弄不清，当然我爱不爱他也没弄清，很多事情都想不通，所以没法原谅，只是因为不爱了，才慢慢体会到为什么他做不到，我要都要不来，因为从没爱过，既然这样，现在真是不该在一起。说的和做的那么矛盾，但事实就是证明不爱，那现在就该分开，做陌生人。
20岁时，就注定了痛苦绝望，早该结束了，拖着只会伤得越重。失去的都是我在乎的，得到的都是我不在乎的。新的希望在哪里，可遇不可求，现在不要再浪费精力了，为了更长远的希望努力储蓄能量吧，也许他就在不经意间。
11.8.09
10.8.09
9.8.09
7.8.09
Chicken wing and Pasta
Love cooking such delecious food with my zero,hope can last for my whole life.
But my leader still doesn't want me to go to the office but work from home.
But my leader still doesn't want me to go to the office but work from home.
6.8.09
5.8.09
4.8.09
3.8.09
Today I Begin a New Life
And I make a solemn oath to myself that nothing will retard my new life's growth. I will lose not a day from these readings for that day cannot be retrieved nor can I substitute another for it. I must not , I will not, break this habit of daily reading from these scrolls and, in truth, the few moments spent each day on this new habit are but a small price to pay for the happiness and success that will be mine.
As I read and re-read the words in the scrolls to follow, never will I allow the brevity of each scroll nor the simplicity of its words to cause me to treat the scroll's message lightly. Thousands of grapes are pressed to fill one jar with wine, and the grapeskin and pulp are tossed to the birds. So it is with these grapes of wisdom from the ages. Much has been filtered and tossed to the wind.Only the pure truth lies distilled in the words to come. I will drink as instructed and spill not a drop. And the seed of success I will swallow.
Today my old skin has become as dust. I will walk tall among men and they will know me not , for today I am a new man, with a new life.
As I read and re-read the words in the scrolls to follow, never will I allow the brevity of each scroll nor the simplicity of its words to cause me to treat the scroll's message lightly. Thousands of grapes are pressed to fill one jar with wine, and the grapeskin and pulp are tossed to the birds. So it is with these grapes of wisdom from the ages. Much has been filtered and tossed to the wind.Only the pure truth lies distilled in the words to come. I will drink as instructed and spill not a drop. And the seed of success I will swallow.
Today my old skin has become as dust. I will walk tall among men and they will know me not , for today I am a new man, with a new life.
1.8.09
图书馆
今天是搬进新家的第一天，早上又让宝生气了，不知道为什么有时会陷入一种状态，会注意不到周围的东西和事情，How to deal with it?
中午吃完饭去图书馆，路上比较顺利，图书馆过的也不错，WC也很容易，就是6点左右时感觉脚比较冷，也许是离空调出风口比较近的缘故吧。
今天很早就被吵醒了，想想他昨天上网看帖子而不和我一起收拾，心情极差，想了很多很多不好的，早上他做事不合我意，我很生气就还拿他出气，然后大哭了一场，楼下吃饭，来图书馆，心情平静，凉爽舒适，不明白自己早上的想法做法。但他的缺点我很确定，我很讨厌，感觉改变不了他，也不知怎么和他相处，好累。先不要急着做任何决定，说任何的话，先弄清楚自己。
中午吃完饭去图书馆，路上比较顺利，图书馆过的也不错，WC也很容易，就是6点左右时感觉脚比较冷，也许是离空调出风口比较近的缘故吧。
今天很早就被吵醒了，想想他昨天上网看帖子而不和我一起收拾，心情极差，想了很多很多不好的，早上他做事不合我意，我很生气就还拿他出气，然后大哭了一场，楼下吃饭，来图书馆，心情平静，凉爽舒适，不明白自己早上的想法做法。但他的缺点我很确定，我很讨厌，感觉改变不了他，也不知怎么和他相处，好累。先不要急着做任何决定，说任何的话，先弄清楚自己。
31.7.09
27.7.09
26.7.09
25.7.09
22.7.09
21.7.09
Dear Zero
I feel very sad looking at you busy doing many things and looked so tired,but i can only do few things to help you。
It was my fault but let you afford all the stress,from body to mind.
I used to hide my real feeling and the stress on me,make myself looked happy,so that can let you happy.But it's not correct sometimes let you misunderstanding my status.
From now on i will completely show my real feeling to you,the more we communicate the easier things will be.Also i will try to do more things that i can do to let you have more time to rest.
Love you^_^
It was my fault but let you afford all the stress,from body to mind.
I used to hide my real feeling and the stress on me,make myself looked happy,so that can let you happy.But it's not correct sometimes let you misunderstanding my status.
From now on i will completely show my real feeling to you,the more we communicate the easier things will be.Also i will try to do more things that i can do to let you have more time to rest.
Love you^_^
29.5.09
Love Your Life
However mean your life is,meet it and live it ;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;but it often happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.
28.5.09
Hang In There
Dufficulties arise in the lives of us all
What is most important is dealing with the hard times, coping with the changes, and getting through to the other side where the sun is still shining just for you.
It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices. But you are a strong person.
It takes courage.But you possess the inner courage to see you through.
It takes being an active participant in your life. But you are in the driver's seat, and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go in.
Hang in there... and take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is constant, beautiful,and true:
Everything will be fine---and it will turn out that way because of the special kind of person you are.
So...beginning today and lasting a lifetime through---Hang in there, and don't be afraid to feel like the morning sun is shining...just for you.
What is most important is dealing with the hard times, coping with the changes, and getting through to the other side where the sun is still shining just for you.
It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices. But you are a strong person.
It takes courage.But you possess the inner courage to see you through.
It takes being an active participant in your life. But you are in the driver's seat, and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go in.
Hang in there... and take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is constant, beautiful,and true:
Everything will be fine---and it will turn out that way because of the special kind of person you are.
So...beginning today and lasting a lifetime through---Hang in there, and don't be afraid to feel like the morning sun is shining...just for you.
Work and Pleasure
To be really happy and really safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must all be real. It is no use starting late in life to say: “I will take an interest in this or that.” Such an attempt only aggravates the strain of mental effort. A man may acquire great knowledge of topics unconnected with his daily work, and yet hardly get any benefit or relief. It is no use doing what you like; you have got to like what you do. Broadly speaking, human being may be divided into three classes: those who are toiled to death, those who are worried to death, and those who are bored to death. It is no use offering the manual laborer, tired out with a hard week’s sweat and effort, the chance of playing a game of football or baseball on Saturday afternoon. It is no use inviting the politician or the professional or business man, who has been working or worrying about serious things for six days, to work or worry about trifling things at the weekend.It may also be said that rational, industrious, useful human beings are divided into two classes: first, those whose work is work and whose pleasure is pleasure; and secondly, those whose work and pleasure are one. Of these the former are the majority. They have their compensations. The long hours in the office or the factory bring with them as their reward, not only the means of sustenance, but a keen appetite for pleasure even in its simplest and most modest forms. But Fortune’s favored children belong to the second class. Their life is a natural harmony. For them the working hours are never long enough. Each day is a holiday, and ordinary holidays when they come are grudged as enforced interruptions in an absorbing vacation. Yet to both classes the need of an alternative outlook, of a change of atmosphere, of a diversion of effort, is essential. Indeed, it may well be that those whose work is their pleasure are those who most need the means of banishing it at intervals from their minds.
To be or not to be
Outside the Bible, these six words are the most famous in all the literature of the world. They were spoken by Hamlet when he was thinking aloud, and they are the most famous words in Shakespeare because Hamlet was speaking not only for himself but also for every thinking man and woman. To be or not to be, to live or not to live, to live richly and abundantly and eagerly, or to live dully and meanly and scarcely. A philosopher once wanted to know whether he was alive or not, which is a good question for everyone to put to himself occasionally. He answered it by saying: "I think, therefore am."
But the best definition of existence ever saw did another philosopher who said: "To be is to be in relations." If this true, then the more relations a living thing has, the more it is alive. To live abundantly means simply to increase the range and intensity of our relations. Unfortunately we are so constituted that we get to love our routine. But apart from our regular occupation how much are we alive? If you are interest-ed only in your regular occupation, you are alive only to that extent. So far as other things are concerned--poetry and prose, music, pictures, sports, unselfish friendships, politics, international affairs--you are dead. Contrariwise, it is true that every time you acquire a new interest--even more, a new accomplishment--you increase your power of life. No one who is deeply interested in a large variety of subjects can remain unhappy; the real pessimist is the person who has lost interest. Bacon said that a man dies as often as he loses a friend. But we gain new life by contacts, new friends. What is supremely true of living objects is only less true of ideas, which are also alive. Where your thoughts are, there will your live be also. If your thoughts are confined only to your business, only to your physical welfare, only to the narrow circle of the town in which you live, then you live in a narrow circumscribed life. But if you are interested in what is going on in China, then you are living in China~ if you’re interested in the characters of a good novel, then you are living with those highly interesting people, if you listen intently to fine music, you are away from your immediate surroundings and living in a world of passion and imagination.
To be or not to be--to live intensely and richly, merely to exist, that depends on ourselves. Let widen and intensify our relations. While we live, let live!
But the best definition of existence ever saw did another philosopher who said: "To be is to be in relations." If this true, then the more relations a living thing has, the more it is alive. To live abundantly means simply to increase the range and intensity of our relations. Unfortunately we are so constituted that we get to love our routine. But apart from our regular occupation how much are we alive? If you are interest-ed only in your regular occupation, you are alive only to that extent. So far as other things are concerned--poetry and prose, music, pictures, sports, unselfish friendships, politics, international affairs--you are dead. Contrariwise, it is true that every time you acquire a new interest--even more, a new accomplishment--you increase your power of life. No one who is deeply interested in a large variety of subjects can remain unhappy; the real pessimist is the person who has lost interest. Bacon said that a man dies as often as he loses a friend. But we gain new life by contacts, new friends. What is supremely true of living objects is only less true of ideas, which are also alive. Where your thoughts are, there will your live be also. If your thoughts are confined only to your business, only to your physical welfare, only to the narrow circle of the town in which you live, then you live in a narrow circumscribed life. But if you are interested in what is going on in China, then you are living in China~ if you’re interested in the characters of a good novel, then you are living with those highly interesting people, if you listen intently to fine music, you are away from your immediate surroundings and living in a world of passion and imagination.
To be or not to be--to live intensely and richly, merely to exist, that depends on ourselves. Let widen and intensify our relations. While we live, let live!
Virtue
Sweet day,so cool,so calm,so bright!
The bridal of the earth and sky-
The dew shall weep thy fall to-night;
For thou must die.
Sweet rose,whose hue angry and brave,
Bids the rash gazer wipe his eye,
Thy root is ever in its grave,
And thou must die.
Sweet spring,full of sweet days and roses,
A box where sweets compacted lie,
My music shows ye have your closes,
And all must die,
Only a sweet and virtuous soul,
Like season'd timber,never gives;
But though the whole world turn to coal,
Then chiefly lives.
The bridal of the earth and sky-
The dew shall weep thy fall to-night;
For thou must die.
Sweet rose,whose hue angry and brave,
Bids the rash gazer wipe his eye,
Thy root is ever in its grave,
And thou must die.
Sweet spring,full of sweet days and roses,
A box where sweets compacted lie,
My music shows ye have your closes,
And all must die,
Only a sweet and virtuous soul,
Like season'd timber,never gives;
But though the whole world turn to coal,
Then chiefly lives.
The Goodness of Life
Though there is much to be concerned about, there is far, far more for which to be thankful. Though life’s goodness can at times be overshadowed, it is never outweighed.
For every single act that is senselessly destructive, there are thousands more small, quiet acts of love, kindness and compassion. For every person who seeks to hurt, there are many, many more who devote their lives to helping and to healing.
There is goodness to life that cannot be denied. In the most magnificent vistas and in the smallest details, look closely, for that goodness always comes shining through.
There is no limit to the goodness of life. It grows more abundant with each new encounter. The more you experience and appreciate the goodness of life, the more there is to be lived. Even when the cold winds blow and the world seems to be covered in foggy shadows, the goodness of life lives on. Open your eyes, open your heart, and you will see that goodness is everywhere. Though the goodness of life seems at times to suffer setbacks, it always endures. For in the darkest moment it becomes vividly clear that life is a priceless treasure. And so the goodness of life is made even stronger by the very things that would oppose it.
Time and time again when you feared it was gone forever you found that the goodness of life was really only a moment away. Around the next corner, inside every moment, the goodness of life is there to surprise and delight you.
Take a moment to let the goodness of life touch your spirit and calm your thoughts. Then, share your good fortune with another. For the goodness of life grows more and more magnificent each time it is given away.
Though the problems constantly scream for attention and the conflicts appear to rage ever stronger, the goodness of life grows stronger still, quietly, peacefully, with more purpose and meaning than ever before.
For every single act that is senselessly destructive, there are thousands more small, quiet acts of love, kindness and compassion. For every person who seeks to hurt, there are many, many more who devote their lives to helping and to healing.
There is goodness to life that cannot be denied. In the most magnificent vistas and in the smallest details, look closely, for that goodness always comes shining through.
There is no limit to the goodness of life. It grows more abundant with each new encounter. The more you experience and appreciate the goodness of life, the more there is to be lived. Even when the cold winds blow and the world seems to be covered in foggy shadows, the goodness of life lives on. Open your eyes, open your heart, and you will see that goodness is everywhere. Though the goodness of life seems at times to suffer setbacks, it always endures. For in the darkest moment it becomes vividly clear that life is a priceless treasure. And so the goodness of life is made even stronger by the very things that would oppose it.
Time and time again when you feared it was gone forever you found that the goodness of life was really only a moment away. Around the next corner, inside every moment, the goodness of life is there to surprise and delight you.
Take a moment to let the goodness of life touch your spirit and calm your thoughts. Then, share your good fortune with another. For the goodness of life grows more and more magnificent each time it is given away.
Though the problems constantly scream for attention and the conflicts appear to rage ever stronger, the goodness of life grows stronger still, quietly, peacefully, with more purpose and meaning than ever before.
The Happy door
Happiness is like a pebble dropped into a pool to set in motion an ever-widening circle of ripples. As Stevenson has said, being happy is a duty.
There is no exact definition of the word happiness. Happy people are happy for all sorts of reasons. The key is not wealth or physical well-being, since we find beggars, invalids and so-called failures, who are extremely happy.
Being happy is a sort of unexpected dividend. But staying happy is an accomplishment, a triumph of soul and character. It is not selfish to strive for it. It is, indeed, a duty to ourselves and others. Being unhappy is like an infectious disease. It causes people to shrink away from the sufferer. He soon finds himself alone, miserable and embittered. There is, however, a cure so simple as to seem, at first glance, ridiculous; if you don’t feel happy, pretend to be! It works. Before long you will find that instead of repelling people, you attract them. You discover how deeply rewarding it is to be the center of wider and wider circles of good will. Then the make-believe becomes a reality. You possess the secret of peace of mind, and can forget yourself in being of service to others.
Being happy, once it is realized as a duty and established as a habit, opens doors into unimaginable gardens thronged with grateful friends.
There is no exact definition of the word happiness. Happy people are happy for all sorts of reasons. The key is not wealth or physical well-being, since we find beggars, invalids and so-called failures, who are extremely happy.
Being happy is a sort of unexpected dividend. But staying happy is an accomplishment, a triumph of soul and character. It is not selfish to strive for it. It is, indeed, a duty to ourselves and others. Being unhappy is like an infectious disease. It causes people to shrink away from the sufferer. He soon finds himself alone, miserable and embittered. There is, however, a cure so simple as to seem, at first glance, ridiculous; if you don’t feel happy, pretend to be! It works. Before long you will find that instead of repelling people, you attract them. You discover how deeply rewarding it is to be the center of wider and wider circles of good will. Then the make-believe becomes a reality. You possess the secret of peace of mind, and can forget yourself in being of service to others.
Being happy, once it is realized as a duty and established as a habit, opens doors into unimaginable gardens thronged with grateful friends.
The Love of Beauty
The love of beauty is an essential part of all healthy human nature. It is a moral quality. The absence of it is not an assured ground of condemnation, but the presence of it is an invariable sign of goodness of heart. In proportion to the degree in which it is felt will probably be the degree in which nobleness and beauty of character will be attained. Natural beauty is an all-pervading presence. The universe is its temple. It unfolds into the numberless flowers of spring. It waves in the branches of trees and the green blades of grass. It haunts the depths of the earth and the sea. It gleams from the hues of the shell and the precious stone. And not only these minute objects but the oceans, the mountains, the clouds, the stars, the rising and the setting sun---all overflow with beauty. This beauty is so precious, and so congenial to our tenderest and noblest feelings, that it is painful to think of the multitude of people living in the midst of it and yet remaining almost blind to it.
All persons should seek to become acquainted with the beauty in nature. There is not a worm we tread upon, nor a leaf that dances merrily as it falls before the autumn winds, but calls for our study and admiration. The power to appreciated beauty not merely increases our sources of happiness---it enlarges our moral nature, too. Beauty calms our restlessness and dispels our cares. Go into the fields or the woods, spend a summer day by the sea or the mountains, and all your little perplexities and anxieties will vanish. Listen to sweet music, and your foolish fears and petty jealousies will pass away. The beauty of the world helps us to seek and find the beauty of goodness.
All persons should seek to become acquainted with the beauty in nature. There is not a worm we tread upon, nor a leaf that dances merrily as it falls before the autumn winds, but calls for our study and admiration. The power to appreciated beauty not merely increases our sources of happiness---it enlarges our moral nature, too. Beauty calms our restlessness and dispels our cares. Go into the fields or the woods, spend a summer day by the sea or the mountains, and all your little perplexities and anxieties will vanish. Listen to sweet music, and your foolish fears and petty jealousies will pass away. The beauty of the world helps us to seek and find the beauty of goodness.
Be Happy
“The days that make us happy make us wise.”----John Masefield when I first read this line by England’s Poet Laureate, it startled me. What did Masefield mean? Without thinking about it much, I had always assumed that the opposite was true. But his sober assurance was arresting. I could not forget it. Finally, I seemed to grasp his meaning and realized that here was a profound observation. The wisdom that happiness makes possible lies in clear perception, not fogged by anxiety nor dimmed by despair and boredom, and without the blind spots caused by fear.Active happiness---not mere satisfaction or contentment ---often comes suddenly, like an April shower or the unfolding of a bud. Then you discover what kind of wisdom has accompanied it. The grass is greener; bird songs are sweeter; the shortcomings of your friends are more understandable and more forgivable. Happiness is like a pair of eyeglasses correcting your spiritual vision. Nor are the insights of happiness limited to what is near around you. Unhappy, with your thoughts turned in upon your emotional woes, your vision is cut short as though by a wall. Happy, the wall crumbles.The long vista is there for the seeing. The ground at your feet, the world about you----people, thoughts, emotions, pressures---are now fitted into the larger scene. Everything assumes a fairer proportion. And here is the beginning of wisdom.
Clear Your Mental Space
Think about the last time you felt a negative emotion---like stress, anger, or frustration. What was going through your mind as you were going through that negativity? Was your mind cluttered with thoughts? Or was it paralyzed, unable to think?The next time you find yourself in the middle of a very stressful time, or you feel angry or frustrated, stop. Yes, that’s right, stop. Whatever you’re doing, stop and sit for one minute. While you’re sitting there, completely immerse yourself in the negative emotion. Allow that emotion to consume you. Allow yourself one minute to truly feel that emotion. Don’t cheat yourself here. Take the entire minute---but only one minute---to do nothing else but feel that emotion. When the minute is over, ask yourself, “Am I wiling to keep holding on to this negative emotion as I go through the rest of the day?”Once you’ve allowed yourself to be totally immersed in the emotion and really fell it, you will be surprised to find that the emotion clears rather quickly. If you feel you need to hold on to the emotion for a little longer, that is OK. Allow yourself another minute to feel the emotion. When you feel you’ve had enough of the emotion, ask yourself if you’re willing to carry that negativity with you for the rest of the day. If not, take a deep breath. As you exhale, release all that negativity with your breath. This exercise seems simple---almost too simple. But, it is very effective. By allowing that negative emotion the space to be truly felt, you are dealing with the emotion rather than stuffing it down and trying not to feel it. You are actually taking away the power of the emotion by giving it the space and attention it needs. When you immerse yourself in the emotion, and realize that it is only emotion, it loses its control. You can clear your head and proceed with your task.Try it. Next time you’re in the middle of a negative emotion, give yourself the space to feel the emotion and see what happens. Keep a piece of paper with you that says the following: Stop. Immerse for one minute. Do I want to keep this negativity? Breath deep, exhale, release. Move on!This will remind you of the steps to the process. Remember; take the time you need to really immerse yourself in the emotion. Then, when you feel you’ve felt it enough, release it---really let go of it. You will be surprised at how quickly you can move on from a negative situation and get to what you really want to do!
Mirror, Mirror-What do I See?
A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful such as a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty inside of ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like “I love how I am when I’m with that person.” That simply translates into “I’m able to love me when I love that other person.” Oftentimes, when we meet someone new, we feel as though we “click”. Sometimes it’s as if we’ve known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities. Just as the “mirror” or other person can be a positive reflection, it is more likely that we’ll notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it’s easy to remember times when we have met someone we’re not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we get to know someone with whom we would rather spend less time.
Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, ironically, it’s usually the mirror that’s speaking to us.
I began questioning myself further each time I encountered someone that I didn’t particularly like. Each time, I asked myself, “What is it about that person that I don’t like?” and then “Is there something similar in me?” in every instance, I could see a piece of that quality in me, and sometimes I had to really get very introspective. So what did that mean?
It means that just as I can get annoyed or disturbed when I notice that aspect in someone else, I better reexamine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I’m not willing to make a drastic change, at least I consider how I might modify some of the things that I’m doing.
At times we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or disgusted. Although we don’t want to believe it, and it’s not easy or desirable to look further, it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It’s simply just another way to create more self-awareness.
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful such as a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty inside of ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. When we love someone, it’s a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like “I love how I am when I’m with that person.” That simply translates into “I’m able to love me when I love that other person.” Oftentimes, when we meet someone new, we feel as though we “click”. Sometimes it’s as if we’ve known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities. Just as the “mirror” or other person can be a positive reflection, it is more likely that we’ll notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it’s easy to remember times when we have met someone we’re not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we get to know someone with whom we would rather spend less time.
Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, ironically, it’s usually the mirror that’s speaking to us.
I began questioning myself further each time I encountered someone that I didn’t particularly like. Each time, I asked myself, “What is it about that person that I don’t like?” and then “Is there something similar in me?” in every instance, I could see a piece of that quality in me, and sometimes I had to really get very introspective. So what did that mean?
It means that just as I can get annoyed or disturbed when I notice that aspect in someone else, I better reexamine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I’m not willing to make a drastic change, at least I consider how I might modify some of the things that I’m doing.
At times we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or disgusted. Although we don’t want to believe it, and it’s not easy or desirable to look further, it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It’s simply just another way to create more self-awareness.
Solitude
I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of Cambridge College is as solitary as a dervish in the desert. The farmer can work alone in the field or the woods all day, hoeing or chopping, and not feel lonesome, because he is employed; but when he comes home at night he cannot sit down in a room alone, at the mercy of his thoughts, but must be where he can :see the folks,:” and recreate, and, as he thinks, remunerate himself for his day’s solitude; and hence he wonders how the student can sit alone in the house all night and most of the day without ennui and :the blues:; but he does not realize that the student, though in the house, is still at work in his field, and chopping in his woods, as the farmer in his, and in turn seeks the same recreation and society that the latter does, though it may be a more condensed form of it.
Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war. We meet at the post-office, and at the sociable, and about the fireside every night; we live thick and are in each other’s way, and stumble over one another, and I think that we thus lose some respect for one another. Certainly less frequency would suffice for all important and hearty communications. Consider the girls in a factory---never alone, hardly in their dreams. It would be better if there were but one inhabitant to a square mile, as where I live. The value of a man is not in his skin, that we should touch him.
I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when nobody calls. Let me suggest a few comparisons, that some one may convey an idea of my situation. I am no more lonely than the loon in the pond that laughs so loud, or than Walden Pond itself. What company has that lonely lake, I pray?
And yet it has not the blue devils, but the blue angels in it, in the azure tint of its waters. The sun is alone, except in thick weather, when there sometimes appear to be two, but one is a mock sun. god is alone---but the devil, he is far from being alone; he sees a great deal of company; he is legion. I am no more lonely than a single mullein or dandelion in a pasture, or a bean leaf, or sorrel, or a horse-fly, or a bumblebee. I am no more lonely than the Millbrook, or a weathercock, or the north star, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.
Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war. We meet at the post-office, and at the sociable, and about the fireside every night; we live thick and are in each other’s way, and stumble over one another, and I think that we thus lose some respect for one another. Certainly less frequency would suffice for all important and hearty communications. Consider the girls in a factory---never alone, hardly in their dreams. It would be better if there were but one inhabitant to a square mile, as where I live. The value of a man is not in his skin, that we should touch him.
I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when nobody calls. Let me suggest a few comparisons, that some one may convey an idea of my situation. I am no more lonely than the loon in the pond that laughs so loud, or than Walden Pond itself. What company has that lonely lake, I pray?
And yet it has not the blue devils, but the blue angels in it, in the azure tint of its waters. The sun is alone, except in thick weather, when there sometimes appear to be two, but one is a mock sun. god is alone---but the devil, he is far from being alone; he sees a great deal of company; he is legion. I am no more lonely than a single mullein or dandelion in a pasture, or a bean leaf, or sorrel, or a horse-fly, or a bumblebee. I am no more lonely than the Millbrook, or a weathercock, or the north star, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.
On Motes and Beams
It is curious that our own offenses should seem so much less heinous than the offenses of others. I suppose the reason is that we know all the circumstances that have occasioned them and so manage to excuse in ourselves what we cannot excuse in others. We turn our attention away from our own defects, and when we are forced by untoward events to consider them, find it easy to condone them. For all I know we are right to do this; they are part of us and we must accept the good and bad in ourselves together. But when we come to judge others, it is not by ourselves as we really are that we judge them, but by an image that we have formed of ourselves fro which we have left out everything that offends our vanity or would discredit us in the eyes of the world. To take a trivial instance: how scornful we are when we catch someone out telling a lie; but who can say that he has never told not one, but a hundred? There is not much to choose between men. They are all a hotchpotch of greatness and littleness, of virtue and vice, of nobility and baseness. Some have more strength of character, or more opportunity, and so in one direction or another give their instincts freer play, but potentially they are the same. For my part, I do not think I am any better or any worse than most people, but I know that if I set down every action in my life and every thought that has crossed my mind, the world would consider me a monster of depravity. The knowledge that these reveries are common to all men should inspire one with tolerance to oneself as well as to others. It is well also if they enable us to look upon our fellows, even the most eminent and respectable, with humor, and if they lead us to take ourselves not too seriously.
When Love Beckons You
When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you, yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to our roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
But if, in your fear, you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love;And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a payer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to our roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
But if, in your fear, you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love;And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a payer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Human Life a Poem
I think that, from a biological standpoint, human life almost reads like a poem. It has its own rhythm and beat, its internal cycles of growth and decay. It begins with innocent childhood, followed by awkward adolescence trying awkwardly to adapt itself to mature society, with its young passions and follies, its ideals and ambitions; then it reaches a manhood of intense activities, profiting from experience and learning more about society and human nature; at middle age, there is a slight easing of tension, a mellowing of character like the ripening of fruit or the mellowing of good wine, and the gradual acquiring of a more tolerant, more cynical and at the same time a kindlier view of life; then In the sunset of our life, the endocrine glands decrease their activity, and if we have a true philosophy of old age and have ordered our life pattern according to it, it is for us the age of peace and security and leisure and contentment; finally, life flickers out and one goes into eternal sleep, never to wake up again.
One should be able to sense the beauty of this rhythm of life, to appreciate, as we do in grand symphonies, its main theme, its strains of conflict and the final resolution. The movements of these cycles are very much the same in a normal life, but the music must be provided by the individual himself. In some souls, the discordant note becomes harsher and harsher and finally overwhelms or submerges the main melody. Sometimes the discordant note gains so much power that the music can no longer go on, and the individual shoots himself with a pistol or jump into a river. But that is because his original leitmotif has been hopelessly over-showed through the lack of a good self-education. Otherwise the normal human life runs to its normal end in kind of dignified movement and procession. There are sometimes in many of us too many staccatos or impetuosos, and because the tempo is wrong, the music is not pleasing to the ear; we might have more of the grand rhythm and majestic tempo o the Ganges, flowing slowly and eternally into the sea.
No one can say that life with childhood, manhood and old age is not a beautiful arrangement; the day has its morning, noon and sunset, and the year has its seasons, and it is good that it is so. There is no good or bad in life, except what is good according to its own season. And if we take this biological view of life and try to live according to the seasons, no one but a conceited fool or an impossible idealist can deny that human life can be lived like a poem. Shakespeare has expressed this idea more graphically in his passage about the seven stages of life, and a good many Chinese writers have said about the same thing. It is curious that Shakespeare was never very religious, or very much concerned with religion. I think this was his greatness; he took human life largely as it was, and intruded himself as little upon the general scheme of things as he did upon the characters of his plays. Shakespeare was like Nature itself, and that is the greatest compliment we can pay to a writer or thinker. He merely lived, observed life and went away.
One should be able to sense the beauty of this rhythm of life, to appreciate, as we do in grand symphonies, its main theme, its strains of conflict and the final resolution. The movements of these cycles are very much the same in a normal life, but the music must be provided by the individual himself. In some souls, the discordant note becomes harsher and harsher and finally overwhelms or submerges the main melody. Sometimes the discordant note gains so much power that the music can no longer go on, and the individual shoots himself with a pistol or jump into a river. But that is because his original leitmotif has been hopelessly over-showed through the lack of a good self-education. Otherwise the normal human life runs to its normal end in kind of dignified movement and procession. There are sometimes in many of us too many staccatos or impetuosos, and because the tempo is wrong, the music is not pleasing to the ear; we might have more of the grand rhythm and majestic tempo o the Ganges, flowing slowly and eternally into the sea.
No one can say that life with childhood, manhood and old age is not a beautiful arrangement; the day has its morning, noon and sunset, and the year has its seasons, and it is good that it is so. There is no good or bad in life, except what is good according to its own season. And if we take this biological view of life and try to live according to the seasons, no one but a conceited fool or an impossible idealist can deny that human life can be lived like a poem. Shakespeare has expressed this idea more graphically in his passage about the seven stages of life, and a good many Chinese writers have said about the same thing. It is curious that Shakespeare was never very religious, or very much concerned with religion. I think this was his greatness; he took human life largely as it was, and intruded himself as little upon the general scheme of things as he did upon the characters of his plays. Shakespeare was like Nature itself, and that is the greatest compliment we can pay to a writer or thinker. He merely lived, observed life and went away.
Relish the Moment
Tucked away in our subconsciousness is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the moment. We are traveling by train. Out the windows, we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn ad wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.
But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering---waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
“When we reach the station, that will be it!” we cry. “When I’m 18.” “When I buy a new 450SL Mercedes Benz!” “When I put the last kid through college.” “When I have paid off the mortgage!” “When I get a promotion.” “When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!” Sooner or later, we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.
But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering---waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
“When we reach the station, that will be it!” we cry. “When I’m 18.” “When I buy a new 450SL Mercedes Benz!” “When I put the last kid through college.” “When I have paid off the mortgage!” “When I get a promotion.” “When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!” Sooner or later, we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.
If I Rest,I Rust.
The significant inscription found on an old key---“If I rest, I rust”---would be an excellent motto for those who are afflicted with the slightest bit of idleness. Even the most industrious person might adopt it with advantage to serve as a reminder that, if one allows his faculties to rest, like the iron in the unused key, they will soon show signs of rust and, ultimately, cannot do the work required of them. Those who would attain the heights reached and kept by great men must keep their faculties polished by constant use, so that they may unlock the doors of knowledge, the gate that guard the entrances to the professions, to science, art, literature, agriculture---every department of human endeavor. Industry keeps bright the key that opens the treasury of achievement. If Hugh Miller, after toiling all day in a quarry, had devoted his evenings to rest and recreation, he would never have become a famous geologist. The celebrated mathematician, Edmund Stone, would never have published a mathematical dictionary, never have found the key to science of mathematics, if he had given his spare moments to idleness, had the little Scotch lad, Ferguson, allowed the busy brain to go to sleep while he tended sheep on the hillside instead of calculating the position of the stars by a string of beads, he would never have become a famous astronomer.
Labor vanquishes all---not inconstant, spasmodic, or ill-directed labor; but faithful, unremitting, daily effort toward a well-directed purpose. Just as truly as eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, so is eternal industry the price of noble and enduring success.
Labor vanquishes all---not inconstant, spasmodic, or ill-directed labor; but faithful, unremitting, daily effort toward a well-directed purpose. Just as truly as eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, so is eternal industry the price of noble and enduring success.
If I Were A Boy Again
If I were a boy again, I would practice perseverance more often, and never give up a thing because it was or inconvenient. If we want light, we must conquer darkness. Perseverance can sometimes equal genius in its results. “There are only two creatures,” syas a proverb, “who can surmount the pyramids — the eagle and the snail.” If I were a boy again, I would school myself into a habit of attention; I would let nothing come between me and the subject in hand. I would remember that a good skater never tries to skate in two directions at once. The habit of attention becomes part of our life, if we begain early enough. I often hear grown up people say “ I could not fix my attention on the sermon or book, although I wished to do so” , and the reason is, the habit was not formed in youth. If I were to live my life over again, I would pay more attention to the cultivation of the memory. I would strengthen that faculty by every possible means, and on every possible occasion. It takes a little hard work at first to remember things accurately; but memory soon helps itself, and gives very little trouble. It only needs early cultivation to become a power.
If I were a boy again, I would cultivate courage. “Nothing is so mild and gentle as courage, nothing so cruel and pitiless as cowardice,” syas a wise author. We too often borrow trouble, and anticipate that may never appear.” The fear of ill exceeds the ill we fear.” Dangers will arise in any career, but presence of mind will often conquer the worst of them. Be prepared for any fate, and there is no harm to be freared. If I were a boy again, I would look on the cheerful side. Life is very much like a mirror: if you smile upon it, I smiles back upon you; but if you frown and look doubtful on it, you will get a similar look in return. Inner sunshine warms not only the heart of the owner, but of all that come in contact with it. “ who shuts love out ,in turn shall be shut out from love.” If I were a boy again, I would school myself to say no more often. I might write pages on the importance of learning very early in life to gain that point where a young boy can stand erect, and decline doing an unworthy act because it is unworthy. If I were a boy again, I would demand of myself more courtesy towards my companions and friends, and indeed towards strangers as well. The smallest courtesies along the rough roads of life are like the little birds that sing to us all winter long, and make that season of ice and snow more endurable. Finally, instead of trying hard to be happy, as if that were the sole purpose of life, I would , if I were a boy again, I would still try harder to make others happy.
If I were a boy again, I would cultivate courage. “Nothing is so mild and gentle as courage, nothing so cruel and pitiless as cowardice,” syas a wise author. We too often borrow trouble, and anticipate that may never appear.” The fear of ill exceeds the ill we fear.” Dangers will arise in any career, but presence of mind will often conquer the worst of them. Be prepared for any fate, and there is no harm to be freared. If I were a boy again, I would look on the cheerful side. Life is very much like a mirror: if you smile upon it, I smiles back upon you; but if you frown and look doubtful on it, you will get a similar look in return. Inner sunshine warms not only the heart of the owner, but of all that come in contact with it. “ who shuts love out ,in turn shall be shut out from love.” If I were a boy again, I would school myself to say no more often. I might write pages on the importance of learning very early in life to gain that point where a young boy can stand erect, and decline doing an unworthy act because it is unworthy. If I were a boy again, I would demand of myself more courtesy towards my companions and friends, and indeed towards strangers as well. The smallest courtesies along the rough roads of life are like the little birds that sing to us all winter long, and make that season of ice and snow more endurable. Finally, instead of trying hard to be happy, as if that were the sole purpose of life, I would , if I were a boy again, I would still try harder to make others happy.
The Life I Desired ——William Somerset Maugham
That must be the story of innumerable couples, and the pattern of life it offers has a homely grace. It reminds you of a placid rivulet, meandering smoohtly through green pastures and shaded by pleasant trees, till at last it falls into the vasty sea; but the sea is so calm, so silent, so infifferent, that you are troubled suddently by a vague uneasiness. Perhaps it is only by a kink in my nature, strong in me even in those days, that I felt in such an existence, the share of the great majority, something amiss. I recognized its social value. I saw its ordered happiness, but a fever in my blood asked for a wilder course. There seemed to me something alarming in such easy delights. In my heart I desire to live more dangerously. I was not unprepared for jagged rocks and treacherous, shoals it I could only have change-change and the exicitement of unforeseen.
I’ll Try——C.G Rossetti
The little boy who says "I’ll try"
Will climb to the hill-top.
The little boy who says "I can’t".
Will at the bottom stop.
'I'll try" does great things every day.
"I can't" gets nothing done.
Be sure then that you say "I'll try"
And let "I can't" alone.
Will climb to the hill-top.
The little boy who says "I can’t".
Will at the bottom stop.
'I'll try" does great things every day.
"I can't" gets nothing done.
Be sure then that you say "I'll try"
And let "I can't" alone.
19.5.09
18.5.09
7.5.09
6.5.09
Sideways 2004
Maya: You know, can I ask you a personal question, Miles?
Miles Raymond: Sure.
Maya: Why are you so in to Pinot?
Miles Raymond: [laughs softly]
Maya: I mean, it's like a thing with you.
Miles Raymond: [continues laughing softly]
Miles Raymond: Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
Miles Raymond: Sure.
Maya: Why are you so in to Pinot?
Miles Raymond: [laughs softly]
Maya: I mean, it's like a thing with you.
Miles Raymond: [continues laughing softly]
Miles Raymond: Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
28.4.09
27.4.09
26.4.09
25.4.09
24.4.09
Do not abandon yourself to despair.
Hope never abandons you , you abandon it.
Don't abandon one's beliefs or allegiances.
We should not abandon ourselves to pleasures.
Abandon harsh words, and speak pleasantly instead.
23.4.09
22.4.09
21.4.09
Embrace solitude instead of running from it.
Without its soul,without its wing.
Simple life, a saving of soul.
Simple life, a saving of soul.
When we are in the depths of our loneliness, what comforts us – what could possibly take us away from it? What, indeed? So often, it feels like there is no solace; like we are running from our own shadow. And it is true, in a way. There is no escape from being alone. We are always alone. But there is a way out of loneliness.
All our efforts at escaping loneliness are fundamentally flawed, for we don’t understand the nature of what we are running from. There is something beautiful about your loneliness. And when you see that, when you acknowledge it, learn to delight in it, that’s when something shifts inside you. When your loneliness becomes aloneness – that is freedom! That is when you can truly begin to Love!
Fragmentation and the search for wholeness
As Osho once said – the first thing is to acknowledge aloneness. Aloneness is our true nature; we can never, ever, not be alone. We come into this world alone, we leave the world alone. And in between these two, we are alone – but we frantically hide from it, run from it, pretend it isn’t true.
“Do you ever feel like you want to completely merge with another?” I remained silent. An old memory struck me, and I remembered feeling that same depth of loneliness, once, a long time ago. Or perhaps it never truly left me – an alienation so deep that the only way out truly seemed to be melting into another person.
Feeling cut-off in the middle of a lunchtime crowd, feeling alone when cuddling with a girlfriend; always on the outside looking in at life.
This alienation is the universal dilemma of human existence – never at ease, never at home. It drives almost everything we do. Loneliness and separation is an intrinsic, permanent part of our ego.
In the teachings of non-duality, the core of many religions and philosophies, the message is simple – we are all part of the infinite, ever-present, eternal One Life. We are all deeply interconnected and inseparable.
The ego, then, is the universal illusion, the exaggerated feeling of “I”, and the root of all our solitude. For the moment we feel we are “I”, that is the moment we have created the “Not-I”, the other, everything else. We become a fragment, cut off from the rest of existence. We become a dot in this world, forgotten by God.
This sense of fragmentation, for some – perhaps the ones who couldn’t laugh in the lecture hall – is conscious. It shows up as a deep and constant sense of not being whole, of not being enough.
For others, this sense is unconscious. They lack something, but they don’t know what it is. And so they seek, and strive, and struggle, yet all the time not knowing what it is they are trying to fill. More belongings, more sex, more status, more power, more recognition, more, more, more. Almost all their efforts stem from this drive for self-completion. But it is all futile – we are throwing our energies down a bottomless pit. That we are trying to fulfil is the very thing that is causing our lack.
Romance – the new alcohol
Romance is perhaps the most common cover-up for the sense of fragmentation. If we are lonely, it must make sense that we need a special someone! Logical and cold, like a business transaction. A boyfriend, a girlfriend, a lover, someone, anyone! We have reduced them to a mere cover up for our sorrows – no different from the misuse of alcohol, the noise of our television, or killing time on the phone until we can next be with someone – as if we have so much time to kill!
Sex is the closest we can get to oneness on a physical level, and that is why it is so deeply satisfying. And when we peer deeper into our heart, fragmentation shows up as a need to attach, to cling, to melt and to merge. How many people are conscious of this lack? How common is this primordial sense of alienation? Common enough to show up on a standardised psychological test.
And so we look for someone to take away that feeling. When we are with someone, we can take our mind off that background sense of disharmony. Suddenly, our existence seems to have meaning. “I am not alone!” You exclaim, as you cuddle, hug, and kiss. “I have someone who needs me, who wants me! I am beautiful, I am wanted, I am worthy! I am no longer alone!”
And yet, a mere cover-up is all they will ever be. Even when we are with our loved ones, we are still just as we are – alone.
The film focused in particular on the finest host in town – a charming man who owned his own bar. He was living the dream. His prowess with women made other men pale in comparison. He stole women away from their husbands and boyfriends. Women fought over him, sometimes physically, sometimes by throwing money at him, and he goes home with a different one every night. It seemed he would be the last man on Earth to feel alienated.
Near the end of the documentary, I remember the interviewer asking him if it was all worth it. He hangs his head and sighs. “It was all fun for the first few years. But after a while… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore. I am the loneliest man in the world.”
The beauty of aloneness, and the sorrow of loneliness
If romance and sex, if money and fame and recognition offer no relief, what does one do? When you are in the throes of heartache and loneliness, what good are the teachings on oneness and inter-existence? Unless you can experience what they are pointing to – how do they comfort you?
Pretty words to fill your head, and then you close the book and turn to look at your bed, and find it as cold and lonely as it was before. If we can never not be alone, what then? All I can offer is a change of perspective.
Another quote from Osho, then: Aloneness is beautiful, it is grand. Loneliness is sorrowful, it is despair.
On the surface, they look the same. But in reality, they are worlds apart.
Aloneness is our nature. Loneliness is us running away from it.
You are alone. Why make it into a problem? Relax into your loneliness; into your sadness. Don’t run from your aloneness, for it is always there. Celebrate being alone, delight in yourself, dance in your aloneness. If you can’t, then you will forever be running away. Love yourself. It is the only way.
Simply sit down, and be lonely. Don’t think about it. Just feel it. Relax into it, and then you’ll find that your sadness has its own sacredness. Being alone is the perfect chance for you to go deeper into yourself. See all your subtleties, face yourself squarely, and gaze at all the parts you don’t want to. Bring it all up into the light of your awareness, and accept them, love them.
We go off into the city, into the office, into the nightclubs, to run from our aloneness. The teachers, the gurus, the Zen masters – they go off into the mountains so they can get better acquainted with it.
So what? Then what? Once you delight in yourself, then – and only then – can you truly delight in the other. It’s a paradox, one of the biggest ones in the world. Only when you no longer need a lover; that is when you can find romance. Anything else is a sham, a pale imitation.
To be needed and to be loved
A sham. That’s what the entire game of romance is. Who is our “romance” really about? Us, and us alone. We say – I love you. But what we really mean is – Please love me. Manipulation is all it is.
Manipulation to fill our gaps, so we can feel loved, to feel needed. In fact, we have come to confuse the two words – being needed, to us, is the same as being in love!
A friend of mine was complaining to me about something very strange. Her husband had begun to discover the joys of aloneness. He had become meditative, more content and quietly joyful. He loved and laughed when he was with her, but he was also beginning to enjoy his solitary time. He was starting to see that there was nothing lacking, that he no longer needed her to feel complete.
He no longer needed her, and to her it felt like he was falling out of love. But he wasn’t – in fact, he was falling in love for the first time.
Neediness is so common that we think it’s a sign of romantic love. But neediness is simply that – neediness. And this need will never be satisfied, for nobody – no matter how sweet, handsome, beautiful, gentle, extravagant, and attentive – can ever love your ego the way it wants to be loved.
At most, you will be satisfied for a period of time – the “honeymoon” phase, when you are “in love”, when everything seems perfect and beautiful. Your existence seems to have meaning, for someone needs you and loves you.
Then one day your needs and insecurities – all symptoms of the basic, primordial sense of fragmentation - raise their heads again. Or maybe it just seems that way – they had always been there, we just forgot about them for a while. And that’s when the arguments start, for we think it is the fault of the other person.
“You were supposed to make me happy!” you cry. And the sweetness, the smiles and the kisses begin to swing the other way. We become sad; we attack them for not making us happy; we manipulate them into giving us more. Maybe they give in, and the pendulum swings back into sweetness. Maybe they don’t, and we break up in tears and anger. This even seems normal.
But it is not their fault. No one can take away our primordial sense of separation except us. But we don’t know that, and so we go on complaining and pulling strings. We forget that the only way to be satisfied is to be satisfied in yourself.
Lonely people cannot Love; they can only pretend to, for they have nothing to give. They only give a plastic love, in the hope that someone will give real Love in return. Everything becomes a giant game; a chess match.
But when you no longer need to be needed, when you truly stop wanting to be wanted, that’s when your loneliness changes into aloneness. And you begin to see Love.
Dedicated to all those who are or have been lonely and alienated.
The misunderstandings
1. Loneliness – it is separate from aloneness; two different things. Our physical nature is to be alone. We can never, not be alone. Even if we are having sex, we are still relatively physically separate. But that is not a problem, it only causes sorrow when we run away from it. When we run from our nature, we cause our own pangs of loneliness… but when we acknowledge and embrace our nature, we find the beauty of aloneness.
2. And from aloneness, that is the beginning of true Romance. I am not saying everybody fakes love – I’m saying lonely people do; for they cannot love if they need. Love is the opposite of need. Once you stop needing, that is when you can find love. There are many who do truly love; there are many who do not expect anything in return – but those are the souls who have found aloneness.
3. Once you have stopped being needy, which is what I have called aloneness, that is when you can truly go out into the world and find a proper romance and relationships. Otherwise, it is likely to be neediness, attachment - and not real love. That is all I am saying, I’ve stated that many times throughout the post - that real Love cannot come from loneliness. I am not saying we should all be alone forever, although there’s definitely nothing wrong with that.
20.4.09
Marriage
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.（Oscar Wilde）
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.（Anonymous）
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind（Anonymous）
Marriage isn't a word…… it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. （Albert Einstein）
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. （Elbert Hubbard）
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. （Hemant Joshi）
Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. （Joanne Woodward）
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.（Anonymous）
Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind（Anonymous）
Marriage isn't a word…… it's a sentence. （King Vidor）
Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. （Jacques Maritain）
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. （Arthur Schopenhauer）
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. （Goethe）
A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. （Don Fraser）
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. （Mignon McLaughlin）
It's raining here this morning.
Dreams
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
19.4.09
17.4.09
16.4.09
Is life really an empty dream?
If clouds are beings, and beings are clouds, are we not all well advised to drift, to feel the wind tucking us in here and plucking us out there?
14.4.09
13.4.09
I'm so tired
I had a hell of a time yesterday, making everything into a mess.
You're a mess, you'll have to change.
When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.
Only then did I realize it!
You're a mess, you'll have to change.
When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.
Only then did I realize it!
12.4.09
Our break are over
We walked more than six kilometers to east coast park yesterday.
I picked two sea shells, all the time i was toying with them.
Then we were caught in a very heavy shower of rain.
Standing under a pavilion, looking at ships loom through the fog on the sea.
Are we in the painting?
I picked two sea shells, all the time i was toying with them.
Then we were caught in a very heavy shower of rain.
Standing under a pavilion, looking at ships loom through the fog on the sea.
Are we in the painting?
9.4.09
It's a beautiful day.
Here came a comfortable wind.
I felt the wind blowing on my face from an open window.
I lived in comfort.
I felt the wind blowing on my face from an open window.
I lived in comfort.
8.4.09
The weather is good today.
All covet, all lose.
In doing we learn.
Learned men are not necessarily wise.
The more learned a man is, the more modest he usually is.
Never too old to learn.In doing we learn.
7.4.09
It has begun to rain.
It very often rains here in April.
Reason is the guide and light of life.
A wise person who is calm and rational, who lives a life of reason with equanimity and try not to let your heart rule your head.
Get control of(oneself,one's actions,one's emotions,etc)
Reason is the guide and light of life.
A wise person who is calm and rational, who lives a life of reason with equanimity and try not to let your heart rule your head.
Get control of(oneself,one's actions,one's emotions,etc)
6.4.09
Good Will Hunting
So, if I asked you about art, you\'d probably give me the skinny on Every art book ever written. Michelangelo. You know a lot about him: life\'s work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can\'t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You\'ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling…seen that. If I ask you about women, you\'ll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can\'t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You\'re a tough kid. And I ask you about war, you\'d probably, uh, throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more unto the breach, dear friends…" But you\'ve never been near one. You\'ve never held your best friend\'s head in your lap…and watched him gasp his last breath, lookin\' to you for help. I ask you about love, you\'ll probably quote me a sonnet. But you\'ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable……known someone that could level you with her eyes……feelin\' like God put an angel on earth just for you……who could rescue you from the depths of hell……and you wouldn\'t know what it\'s like to be her angel……to have that love for her, be there forever…through anything…through cancer. And you wouldn\'t know about sleeping sittin\' up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms "visiting hours" don\'t apply to you. You don\'t know about real loss……\'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself.I doubt you\'ve ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you.I don\'t see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared-shitless kid. But you\'re a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me, because you saw a painting of mine. You ripped my fuckin\' life apart. You\'re an orphan, right? Do you think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been? How you feel? Who you are? Because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don\'t give a shit about all that. Because you know what? I can\'t learn anything from you I can\'t read in some fuckin\' book. Unless, you wanna talk about you…who you are. Then I \'m fasci ated. I\'m in. But you don\'t want to do that, do you, sport? You\'re terrified of what you might say.
5.4.09
The Holiday
I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true.
Shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting.
Oh, what an extraordinary thought!
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I m more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.
I m constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, Love is blind.
Now that is something I know to be true.
For some, quite inexplicably, love fades.
For others, love is simply lost.
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there s another kind of love, the cruellest kind, the one that almost kills its victims.
It s called unrequited love.
"A fairy tale English cottageset in a tranquil country garden.
"Snuggle up by an old stone fireplaceand enjoy a cup of cocoa.
"An enchanting oasis of tranquilityin a quiet English hamlet.
Listen.
I know it's hard to believe peoplewhen they say, "I know how you feel,"
but I actually know how you feel.
Pathetic explanation, but, unfortunately,it's become a bit of a routine.
So how's it going so far?
I mean, up until I showed upand ruined your night.
Would you like something to drink?Glass of water?
Tea? Wine, maybe?
I think there's a bottle of brandy.
You fancy a glass?- Sure.
Good.
So, I'm sorry, I've totally blankedand forgotten your name.
I like corny.
I'm looking for corny in my life.
Shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting.
Oh, what an extraordinary thought!
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I m more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.
I m constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, Love is blind.
Now that is something I know to be true.
For some, quite inexplicably, love fades.
For others, love is simply lost.
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there s another kind of love, the cruellest kind, the one that almost kills its victims.
It s called unrequited love.
"A fairy tale English cottageset in a tranquil country garden.
"Snuggle up by an old stone fireplaceand enjoy a cup of cocoa.
"An enchanting oasis of tranquilityin a quiet English hamlet.
Listen.
I know it's hard to believe peoplewhen they say, "I know how you feel,"
but I actually know how you feel.
Pathetic explanation, but, unfortunately,it's become a bit of a routine.
So how's it going so far?
I mean, up until I showed upand ruined your night.
Would you like something to drink?Glass of water?
Tea? Wine, maybe?
I think there's a bottle of brandy.
You fancy a glass?- Sure.
Good.
So, I'm sorry, I've totally blankedand forgotten your name.
I like corny.
I'm looking for corny in my life.
4.4.09
Inkheart
You've been to Persia, then?
Yes, a hundred times.
Along with st.Petersburg,
Paris, middie earth, distant planets and shangri-la.
And I never had to leave this room.
Books are adventure.
They contain murder and mayhem and passion.
They love anyone who opens them.
You want to be a writer, don't you?
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
No, no. just a lonely thing.
The world you create on the page--
Seems more friendly and alive than the world you live in.
And you wish you could be there instead.
Yes, a hundred times.
Along with st.Petersburg,
Paris, middie earth, distant planets and shangri-la.
And I never had to leave this room.
Books are adventure.
They contain murder and mayhem and passion.
They love anyone who opens them.
You want to be a writer, don't you?
You say that as if it's a bad thing.
No, no. just a lonely thing.
The world you create on the page--
Seems more friendly and alive than the world you live in.
And you wish you could be there instead.
3.4.09
1900
Why the hell don't you get off?
Just once? One time?
See the world for yourself with your own eyes?
You ever think about it?
You could do anything you wanted to.
Why not?
God knows you can't spend the rest of your life traveling back and forth like some yo-yo.
The world is out there.
Nothing but a gangplank to cross.
And what's a gangplank? A few stupid steps.
Christ, everything is waiting at the bottom of those steps
Why don't you just do it, one time?
Why don't you just get off?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I think land people waste a lot of time wondering why.
Winter comes and you can't wait for summer.
Summer comes and you live in dread of winter.
That's way you never tire of traveling.
Always chasing someplace far away.
where it's always summer.
Doesn't sound like a good bet to me.
It's everything I leave behind Until a few years ago I know only my field.
The world for me started and ended there in that little piece of the land.
Maybe you can't understand but--
I understand perfectly.
I know someone went through something very similar.
But he ended up alone too.
Then he is more lucky than me.
And it's for her that I decide one day to fight against my bad luck and travel all over without a destination.
And then one day when I go through one of the many towns I never see before.
I come to a hill.
And then I see the most beautiful thing in my life.
The sea.
I never see it before.
It was like lightning hit me.
Because I hear the voice.
The voice of the sea?
Yeah, the voice of the sea.
The voice of the sea it is like a shout.
A shout big and strong screaming and screaming.
And the thing it was screaming was: life is immense can you understand that?
Immense.
I never think of it that way.
A revolution was in my head.
That's how I suddenly decide to change my life to start fresh.
Change life. Start fresh.
I'm getting off this ship。
I've got to see something down there.
The ocean.
But from here.
I want to see it from there.
It's not the same thing at all.
From land, you can hear its voice.
You don't hear that from a ship.
Its voice.
It's like a big scream telling you that life is immense.
Once you've heard it, then you know what you have to do to go on living.
I could stay here forever.
But the ocean would never tell me a thing.
But if I get off live on land for a couple of years 0then I'll be normal just like the others.
Then maybe one day,
I'll make it to the coast look up, see the ocean and hear it scream.
We'll watch the fireworks from the pier then we'll start from scratch.
Sometimes that's the way you have to do it.
You go right back to the beginning.
All that city,
You just couldn't see an end to it.
The end-- please?
You please just show me where it ends?
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me.
It was what I didn't see.
Understand?
What I didnt' see,
In all that srawling city there was everything except an end.
There was no end.
What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end.
The end of the world.
You take a piano.
Keys begin.
The keys end.
You know there are 88 of them.
Nobody can tell you any different.
They are not infinite.
You are infinite.
And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite.
I like that.
That I can live by.
You get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions and billions of keys that never end and that's the truth that they never end.
That keyboard is infinite.
And if that keyboard is infinite then there is no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano.
Christ, did you see the streets? Just the streets.
There were thousands of them.
How do you do it down there?
How do you choose just one?
One house.
One piece of land to call your own one landscape to look at one way to die?
All that world just weighing down on you.
You don't even know where it comes to an end.
I mean, aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it?
At the enormity of living it?
And the world passed me by.
You played out your happiness but on a piano that was not infinite
I learned to live that way.
Land?
Land is a ship too big for me
It's a woman too beautiful.
It's a voyage too long perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
At best,
I can step off my life.
After all.
I don't exist for anyone.
Just once? One time?
See the world for yourself with your own eyes?
You ever think about it?
You could do anything you wanted to.
Why not?
God knows you can't spend the rest of your life traveling back and forth like some yo-yo.
The world is out there.
Nothing but a gangplank to cross.
And what's a gangplank? A few stupid steps.
Christ, everything is waiting at the bottom of those steps
Why don't you just do it, one time?
Why don't you just get off?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I think land people waste a lot of time wondering why.
Winter comes and you can't wait for summer.
Summer comes and you live in dread of winter.
That's way you never tire of traveling.
Always chasing someplace far away.
where it's always summer.
Doesn't sound like a good bet to me.
It's everything I leave behind Until a few years ago I know only my field.
The world for me started and ended there in that little piece of the land.
Maybe you can't understand but--
I understand perfectly.
I know someone went through something very similar.
But he ended up alone too.
Then he is more lucky than me.
And it's for her that I decide one day to fight against my bad luck and travel all over without a destination.
And then one day when I go through one of the many towns I never see before.
I come to a hill.
And then I see the most beautiful thing in my life.
The sea.
I never see it before.
It was like lightning hit me.
Because I hear the voice.
The voice of the sea?
Yeah, the voice of the sea.
The voice of the sea it is like a shout.
A shout big and strong screaming and screaming.
And the thing it was screaming was: life is immense can you understand that?
Immense.
I never think of it that way.
A revolution was in my head.
That's how I suddenly decide to change my life to start fresh.
Change life. Start fresh.
I'm getting off this ship。
I've got to see something down there.
The ocean.
But from here.
I want to see it from there.
It's not the same thing at all.
From land, you can hear its voice.
You don't hear that from a ship.
Its voice.
It's like a big scream telling you that life is immense.
Once you've heard it, then you know what you have to do to go on living.
I could stay here forever.
But the ocean would never tell me a thing.
But if I get off live on land for a couple of years 0then I'll be normal just like the others.
Then maybe one day,
I'll make it to the coast look up, see the ocean and hear it scream.
We'll watch the fireworks from the pier then we'll start from scratch.
Sometimes that's the way you have to do it.
You go right back to the beginning.
All that city,
You just couldn't see an end to it.
The end-- please?
You please just show me where it ends?
It wasn't what I saw that stopped me.
It was what I didn't see.
Understand?
What I didnt' see,
In all that srawling city there was everything except an end.
There was no end.
What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end.
The end of the world.
You take a piano.
Keys begin.
The keys end.
You know there are 88 of them.
Nobody can tell you any different.
They are not infinite.
You are infinite.
And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite.
I like that.
That I can live by.
You get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions and billions of keys that never end and that's the truth that they never end.
That keyboard is infinite.
And if that keyboard is infinite then there is no music you can play.
You're sitting on the wrong bench.
That's God's piano.
Christ, did you see the streets? Just the streets.
There were thousands of them.
How do you do it down there?
How do you choose just one?
One house.
One piece of land to call your own one landscape to look at one way to die?
All that world just weighing down on you.
You don't even know where it comes to an end.
I mean, aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it?
At the enormity of living it?
And the world passed me by.
You played out your happiness but on a piano that was not infinite
I learned to live that way.
Land?
Land is a ship too big for me
It's a woman too beautiful.
It's a voyage too long perfume too strong.
It's music I don't know how to make.
At best,
I can step off my life.
After all.
I don't exist for anyone.
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